Back in the Saddle again – Day 358

Well the good news is I can stop panicking. After my weekend wake up call of 14 stone 11lbs, a few good days and plenty of water has seen that reduce to 14 stone 5lbs as of this morning. So, that’s 6lbs off with 12 to go to make it to my goal weight of 13 stone 7 lbs. As long time readers will know, I had loads of goals when on Lighterlife and I only have one left on the list. To be less than 203lbs on the 1^st Jan 2010. Well, I’m there but only just (currently 201lbs). I need to build in the Christmas buffer again! You may all think I’m going a bit over the top with this but it’s amazing how much worse you feel when you put a stone on at this weight. Before it was pretty much along the lines of ’20 stone, 21 stone, what’s the difference?’. Well the difference is that much more apparent at my current weight. Although people are saying I look fine and I guess I don’t look THAT different, I do feel pretty sluggish and generally ‘Heavy’. It’s amazing how you can slip. You’re so resolute when on the plan but those bad habits do creep their way back in. One of the things I’ve always said was a big part of the reason I was so over weight in the first place is that I had the exception and the rule the wrong way around. The rule was beers and take always and the exception was a salad. Well I’m pleased to say that it’s still the other way around. For dinner last night for example I had Jacket Potato with low fat cottage cheese and salad. That’s pretty much a standard dinner for me during the week and always has been. With that said though, even a dinner like that can get out of control. When I first started having it a few months ago, it was a pretty small spud with half a pot of the cottage cheese, well, a couple of weeks ago it had gotten to a monster spud with the whole pot. Although the bigger version isn’t exactly the worse meal you could have it’s still indicative of the problem. I wonder if this ‘feeling full’ or ‘eating slowly so your body knows you’re full’ is actually at the root of the whole obesity problem. I am of course only talking about behavioural factors and not emotional.

Something else I would say (again) is to never underestimate the impact of writing something down. I’ve always recorded what I was eating but of late it hasn’t been as detailed (read, obsessive) as it should be. I also stopped blogging (as you may have gathered). These were fundamental errors I made in the last few months. I wasn’t ready at the end of the day. I wanted to go it alone but I’m just not quite there yet. As a result, the spreadsheet has been reactivated and I’m back jabbering on here.

Ah, that reminds me before I forget. It’s a couple of weeks of milestones. Yesterday was exactly a year after my very first blog entry and next Wednesday (26^th August) will make my very first Lighterlife session exactly 1 year ago. I haven’t been back to my group since finishing management in early April. Why? No real reason. I planned to go back for a weigh in every 4 weeks but I couldn’t make the first couple due to various reasons and I guess the desire to go back kind of diminished. I don’t think that has had any impact on gaining or losing weight in the maintenance stage if I’m honest. The time came quite some time ago for me to take responsibility for my own destiny way back when modifying the management plan to suite my exercise requirements. Ahhhh, exercise. For me, it has to be a ridged and structured routine or I won’t do it. We had some work done on our house which ended up taking quite a few weeks longer than planned and as a result, I couldn’t get to the treadmill. Turns out that was all the excuse I needed to not bother. I’m pleased to say I’m back on track with it. It does make you feel good though, that hasn’t changed. It’s amazing what a few pints of water and a couple of runs can do to your general mood. Why do we let ourselves slip? Who knows, but what I’m increasingly convinced of is that recognising a problem and getting back in the saddle quickly is actually the secret to long term success. Over indulging will always happen. It’s how you deal with the aftermath that counts…..

G

P.S. Still pretty quick posts. I’m easing back in. ;o)

Only the penitent man shall pass – Day 356

Ok it’s confession time. I’ve slightly lost it and had a pretty big wake up call this morning. What did the scales say, well, 14 stone 11lbs. A full stone heavier than my last blog post in June! On the positive side that’s still 7 stone lighter than this time last year but that kind of crooked thinking is why I’m in this trouble to start with. With that said, one thing I want to make clear is that I’m NOT going back on the Lighterlife packs. This now is a test and it’s probably going to be the hardest part of the whole thing. I believe a long term goal was anything between 14 and 14 and a half stone was acceptable to me. Well, I’ve changed my mind. I want to be able to have a couple of days off and still weigh less than 14. So, to make a long story short, I’m going to try and lose some weight the old fashioned way! I’ve said before that ‘calories in vs calories out’ and ‘eat less. Move more’ where old chestnuts that were helping me through. These are going to be my mantras form now on. I’ve already starting the eating less part and the moving more begins in earnest tomorrow. I have still been using the treadmill but it’s the lack of stability/routine that has made my weight suffer. Anyway, I’m back on track with the couch to 5km running plan now and will be restarting week 3 from tomorrow. I’ve pumped the bike tyres up too and plan on getting out in the air as well.

The good news in all this is that my main problem appears to be complacency rather than emotional baggage. I guess I had too many instances where I ate/drank a fair bit only for the scales to stay the same. Then when they would creep up (which was inevitable) I would justify it to myself ‘I’m still under my long term goal’ ‘my clothes still fit’ etc, and it being justified by other people ‘you look better after putting a bit back on etc’. The rate the weight goes on still surprises me. It wouldn’t be so bad if getting it off was just as easy and quick. Anyway, the bottom line is that I don’t look better for it anymore, my clothes don’t fit like they used to and well, I feel like shit frankly. I know I had to expect some kind of gain but this has gone a bit too far. I’m only about half a stone heavier than when I started eating again in January but about a stone and half heavier than my lowest weight. The worst part of all this is that I knew I was doing it and while I’ve given this kind of advice to others, I’ve never really give it to myself. Well, here it is. What I do now is the most important part. The decisions I make from now on will define my success or failure in the long term. I really am at a crossroads. Down one path is morbid obesity, divorce and probably some form of alcoholism (I know it’s dramatic but still realistic) or down the other path is the happy family man, comfortable in his own body and living a long enjoyable life. It’s a no brainer right? Well you would think so but I still remember plenty of blokes coming back to my Lighterlife  group after losing 6, 7, or even 10 stone. I promised myself I would never be one of those people. That’s no criticism of them. I have respect from those guys who can go back and give it another go. I don’t know as I could do it.

So, lets lighten the mood bit. What do we do now? Well, they say the most important part is recognising you have a problem. Now, as they say on the Lighterlife CDs, it’s time to start being a doer. Don’t get me wrong, the backbone of my regular diet is still sound. It’s low fat and reasonably varied. Portion control could use some work though and the ‘free reign’ needs to be a bit less ‘free’. So what’s required? Well, as I always have, I’m going to put my faith in the numbers. I guess I want to lose about 18lbs and get back down to 13 and a half stone. When Do I want to do that by? Hmmm, I don’t know. As quickly as possible. So, we know that every pound of fat is 3500 calories. To lose 18lbs, I need to burn a whopping 63,000 calories more than I’m taking in the lose the weight. Now as I’m a VLCD champ, I’m aiming for 1000 calories a day. Porridge breakfast, soup and fruit for lunch and my normal low fat/Carbs/Salad in the evening. So let’s assume I’m the average man burning 2500 calories a day, which means I’m burning 1500 calories a day net. 63,000 divided by 1500 = 42 days or 6 weeks. If I add in the 1500 calories a week I’m burning on the treadmill, its 36 days or 5 weeks. That’s the goal then. 13 stone 7 before October the 1^st. I CAN DO IT!

So there you have it. The declaration. This is just a quick post to let you all know the deal and my intentions to deal with it. I’ll be posting more often throughout this mini challenge. I know I keep sayin that but things are serious now!

G

P.S. I know this post read terribly. I’m out of the routine I tells ya!!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder – Week 43 weigh in – Day 301

Well I’m easing myself back in. Jeez it’s been a long time since I updated. Guess the fact that I’ve put on 3 stone in 2 months is enough of a reason to get back in the saddle………

Only joking!!! I had you going there though didn’t I??? So, after an amazingly busy couple of months where am I? Well, 13 stone and 11lbs. That’s still an incredible 8 stone less than I weighed pre Lighterlife and, I’m pleased to say, a few pounds lighter than I weighed when I started eating again. Can you believe it’s been over 6 months since I started management? I’m halfway to the long term target of a year eating again and still being the weight I want to be at. So in my last update I was about 8lbs lighter than I am now. Trust me when I say it’s been a struggle but I think when it boils down to it, it’s just wasn’t realistic to expect to stay at that weight. I gave it a good try but I think where I’ve ended up is about right for me. Whilst I sometimes feel I’m a tad bigger than I should be, countless people have told me how much better I look. So, I’ve revised the range and long term goal. Anything under 14 stone and I’m happy. I know this sounds like all I’m doing is moving the goal posts every time I put a bit of weight on but this is definitely it. As long as the scales say 13 stone something, I’m happy. Oh and I feel then need to pint out that the original long term goal was 15 stone something I think!

Now, the bad news. This is a very quick update. Stay tuned however, cos over the next few weeks I’ll be updating with tales of woe and joy. I’ll be explaining how I got through BBQ weather, work dos, holidays in Turkey, Concerts and piss ups on the Eurostar without ballooning out of control. It ain’t easy my friends but it CAN be done.

I’m back and I’m back with a bang!   

G

P.S. Thanks for all the comments/Messages. I’ve been off the grid for a while. It was a necessary evil.

Watch this space – Day 292

The end of the beginning – RTM week 12 weigh in – Day 224

 

“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” – Winston Churchill, 1942

 

The above quote still sends shivers down my spine. I always look to Winston for advice as there are so many absolute gems but I haven’t needed to in a while. I kicked off today with the quote because I think it’s pretty apt at this point in time. As today is my final day on the lighterlife diet it’s very easy to look at things with a sense of finality. The reality of course, is the opposite. Now is where the journey really begins but I’ll get back to that later……

 

So, this is it, final ‘official’ weigh in of lighterlife and I’m 13 stone 2lbs. 1 lb lighter than last week but to be honest, I’m more in a ‘range’ mentality now. I’m still in the zone so I’m happy. Anyway, my current weight is BMI 25 and whilst I’ve been as high as 13 7 in the last couple of weeks, I always seem to end up back around this point. I guess I should give a bit of a recap/stat attack for any newbies reading this. I started the lighterlife diet on the 27^th of August 2008 at a staggering 21 stone and 11lbs (BMI 41.5). After 20 weeks of full abstinence on the plan, I’d shed about 8 stone. I started the route to management phase in January (12 weeks reintroducing food) and lost a further 11lbs or so…. Anyway, the upshot is about 120lbs lost in 32 weeks. I guess that’s a little misleading cos I’m counting the management weeks.  It’s pretty mad when you see those numbers. I mean, 120lbs! Jeez, that’s a whole (small) person! To be honest, I think I’m still a little bit in denial about the whole thing. I said many moons ago that this plan felt different to all the diets I’d tried in the past. Something changed within me to stick this one out. I don’t know if it was the counselling, the quick results, the support of the group and online community or any number of other factors that has made this experience such a success. I say that word, success, quite often but I do wonder sometimes about how you judge success. I’ve been thinking obviously now about what long term success looks like. At what point do I stop being a fat person who is now slim and become a slim person who used to be fat? I guess that’s just semantics at the end of the day but I think my long term goal is to be in the same time zone (weight wise) as I am now in 1 year. If I can sit here at anything under 13 and a half stone next April I will be happy as a pig in shit.

 

Ok, a quick word of warning before I go on, this could be a long rambling post so stop operating heavy machinery. If you need to have a pee or make a cup of tea (hey, that rhymes!) do it now. Ok, are we back? Marv, let’s continue…….

 

Before I forget I have some other funny numbers to share. Today I will be having my last ever Lighterlife foodpack and I guess you all know what it is? Yep, a peanut bar. I’m actually going to miss them I think. Anyway, if you can believe this , my peanut bar today is actually my 1,050^th foodpack! Wow. I’ve spent and equally staggering £1,683 which means every pound of weight I’ve lost has cost me about £14! About £200 per stone. That’s a lot of money but I have to say, worth every penny! I will have some measurement numbers and new pics soon but they’ll be happening later today so I’ll save them for the next post.

 

I’ve also been reflecting quite a lot about change recently. It’s a funny old thing. I do wonder to what extent the American election had an affect on my success. You couldn’t go 5 minutes without seeing Obama talking about positive change and “yes we can”, it was like motivation on tap to me. Obviously completely different situations but the underlying message was the same. It makes me wonder about the here and now. Why was this one different and, the constant question, why didn’t a do this years ago? Well firstly, I probably wouldn’t have been able to afford it. Secondly, I would have been in my early twenties and much more interested in getting drunk with my mates and thirdly, I don’t think I ‘wanted’ it enough. A big part of my job revolves around process and change management (in a business sense) and I find one of the key elements for success is the ‘want factor’. I’ve worked in both environments and the people that want and embrace the change are people who succeed. I guess it’s pretty obvious really. It goes back to what I was saying about choice on Lighterlife. You’re choosing not to eat and having a ‘can’t have’ mentality makes the whole thing that much harder. It just goes to show that if you really want something you can get it. At the end of the day, I can’t have wanted it enough before. I’m the perfect example of ‘if I can do it, anyone can’. If you can’t lose weight or stick to the programme, you don’t want it enough in my view. That’s not necessarily a criticism of anyone. Everyone has different issues. I think it’s more a case of timing is everything. I think I’d just hit rock bottom when it came to my weight. It was affecting relationships and my general physical wellbeing. It was very much a case of ‘enough is enough’. Talking of relationships, that’s another facet of change that I haven’t talked much about. My main relationship is obviously with my wife. It’s not that we were having significant problems before or anything. We’ve been together for a long time but only now I’ve shed the pounds have a realised how much of a negative affect my weight was having on us. I think the fact that the wife has lost a stone (a fantastic effort considering she only weighed 10 stone 6 when she started) has made us happier and brought us closer together. We obviously still have our lumps and bumps but it’s more something we laugh about instead of having deep rooted unspoken issues. I haven’t really talked about sex much either. I’m certainly not a prude or anything, it’s just not something I air for public consumption. What I will say is that it’s so much better that I’m still surprised. I mean, it was obviously going to be a lot better anyway even if you just look at it from a physical/practical point of view but even emotionally, in terms of desire, drive etc, it’s all improved. It’s almost like, at 28, I feel more like someone in my twenties than I did at 21. Anyway, that’s quite enough of that talk…….

 

It’s strange that only after 32 weeks am I really getting used to my new body. I sit in the middle seat on trains now for example. Any overweight commuter will tell you that’s simply a no go area. That’s more of a practical example of how I’m adapting though. My reaction to compliments etc still needs some work. I find it very interesting that when I was on the abstinence part of the plan I was very comfortable talking to people about it. When I used to see people I hadn’t seen in a while, I used to enjoy their reactions. Now it seems, not so much. I’m a bit of a blusher. I’m not keen on being the centre of attention so when I am, I get a little uncomfortable. I STILL see people now who I haven’t seen since I started but I tend of try and avoid them. How weird is that? It’s nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. I think I liked to hide behind the weight a little, even on abstinence. I found it very easy to say something along the lines of ‘yeah, I’m still classed as overweight’ or, ‘I’ve got a way to go yet’. Now I can’t say any of those things. God, I know it sounds like I’m whinging here. That’s not how I mean it. I suppose I feel a little under scrutiny now. People comment on what I’m eating etc and I do still get funny looks from co workers that I don’t know who I’m sure think I’m suffering from some sort of degenerative disease or something. I’m also meeting people who have never seen/known me as overweight. That concept just freaks me out. You know the strange thing though? I tend to bring it up. How f’d up is all this? I say I don’t like drawing attention to it then bring up the subject with people who are none the wiser! I also find that other people tend to bring it up to. I know it’s probably a sense of pride that leads me (and others) to bring it up. I guess I don’t feel so bad about it if it’s people I didn’t know before. I don’t know why. Jeez, I sound like a right fruit loop don’t I? I’m slim now but at what cost?! lol. I suppose I just need more time to adjust at the end of the day. Six months is nothing and just last September I was a 22 stone tub of lard with no way out. Pretty dramatic stuff.

 

Well, I’m going off on all sorts of angles in this post. So, have I changed character wise? I guess so but not dramatically. It’s a similar thing to ‘money can’t buy you happiness’. Losing weight can’t either. All the things that bugged me before still bug me now but a lot of things are much easier. I am happier in general now and I guess I feel like a very large weight has been lifted (no pun intended). I don’t think I’ve developed a vain streak and I don’t think my attitude towards anything has changed particularly apart from food. Ahhhh yes, the F word. I think I can confidently sit here and type that I’ve made the lifestyle change. I eat a varied low fat balanced diet and exercise regularly. That’s holy grail at the end of the day. I do have ‘days off’ and I enjoy them but I reel it back in afterwards. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s been harder to bring it back at some points. Sometimes I think that getting back on track is getting harder as the time passes. The beer and food monster is still there, that much I know for sure. I have the ability to inhale calories in a flash. Most of the time I win the battle and some of the time I don’t. I think I’m winning the war though. With that, I’ve come full circle. Will I ever be a slim person with distant memories of being fat? Only time will tell…..

 

G

 

P.S. The blog is far from done. There’ll be plenty more updates to come. I’ll have some new pics and measurements tonight and I’ll be posting them soon! Oh and keep the comments coming. Loving em.

 

Go your own way – RTM week 11 weigh in – Day 217

 

Well it’s time for a much needed update. I’ve braved the horde of chavs trashing the city today to bring you this update hot off the presses! Let’s get the weight out of the way. Weighed in at 13 stone and 3lbs this morning which is actually 3lbs heavier than this time last week. It’s not a problem though. I’m well within the 13 dead to 13 5 range and the reality is I’ll probably be 13 2 or 13 1 tomorrow. I guess I spiked a tad cos I went out last night. Beers and pasta will do that to a man. Talking of spiking on the weight front I had the shock of my life when the scales said 13 stone 12lbs on Saturday night before I went to bed. Jeeez! I couldn’t believe it. It goes to show just how much the scales can move just as a result of increased glycogen and sheer weight of food and drink in your system. Don’t get me wrong, I never thought for a second that I’d gained 12lbs of fat in less than a week. That would mean I had eaten over 40,000 calories more than my body needed in 5 days! I don’t think even my pre lighterlife self could do that. Heh, maybe…..

 

Anywho, after 3 days of getting back on the normal regime I’m back in my comfort zone. This has been a bit more of a difficult week than usual cos I’m not counting my calories. You can imagine the amount grief a larger than normal spike caused on the first week I wasn’t counting calories! Typical. Anyway, I kept the faith though and carried on as normal so I’m very happy to see the old scales evening out again. As today is the last day of week 11 of the lighterlife route to management phase I’m about to start my last ever week as a lighterlifer. The good news is that after you’ve completed RTM you sort of become a ‘lifetime member’ type thing which means you can pop back and be weighed etc as much as you like and it doesn’t cost you anything. I should bleedin think so too with the amount of cash this diet has cost me. Worth it though. So, after next week’s weigh in (my final one of RTM) I will be returning to my LLC for a weigh in and catch up every 4 weeks. My counsellor sees this continued contact as key to long term success. She’s had many members be very successful only to slip back in to old habits when they stop attending (semi) regularly. Talking of bad habits the old beer monster has been creeping back into my life a bit lately. As a result I’ve decided to rein that in a bit. I still haven’t broken the ‘once at weekend and once during the week’ deal but I’ve come close a few times. I turned a lunch down today as it goes and am feeling better for it. I LOVE to eat when I’ve had a few. It really is my kryptonite.

 

So, how is my non recording of all things calories going? Pretty well I think. Although I’m not counting the kcals I’m pretty much sticking to the things I know so I haven’t exactly changed what I’m doing really. The non recording is quite a big step for me though. Long time readers will know that I’m pretty obsessive when it comes to the numbers so this uncontrolled approach really isn’t me. It’s strangely…..liberating all the same.

 

On the spreadsheet front I’ve had a few questions from people regarding what I actually record and what kind of portion sizes etc I use. Well, on the recording front I logged everything I ate in the day including weight, calories, fat, saturated fat, carbs and sugar then I add all of these columns up to give me my daily totals. Then I add all the daily totals for the week to give me my weekly totals. Divide them by 7 to give me my daily average. I find the averaging step to be very important as if I was to eat the max I was ‘allowed’ every day, when I had and off day, those extra calories would instantly be in the ‘more than I needed’ category. Not good news. As a very quick example, I averaged less than 2000 calories a day during the week last week but between 2500 and 3000 on Saturday and Sunday to give me around a 2000 calorie a day average for the week. In terms of calories burned and appropriate intake level, that’s got to be down to the individual. It’s one of the many reasons why people on RTM increase their calorie intake quite slowly in order to ‘edge up to’ their own personal maintaining line rather than flying past it and having no idea where you went wrong. There is evidence out there to suggest that people who were once overweight and shed the pounds have to eat less and work harder to maintain their weight that someone who has never been overweight. I think that’s certainly proved correct for me. This is why I don’t put too much stock in BMR (basic metabolic rate) calculators. With my age, sex and activity level I apparently should be consuming around 2700 calories a day. The reality is that I’m successfully maintaining at around 2000. Everyone is different and something like lighterlife is bound to affect your BMR for a period of time. Maybe I will one day be eating at ‘average’ levels but if I’d gone straight into eating at those recommendations I would literally be piling on the pounds! As a result of all this I only count the calories burned that I do on treadmill then deduct this from the weekly total. That then gives me my ‘net’ intake for the week/day. Sheesh. Well done for getting through all that. It probably makes no sense whatsoever but there you go. I think the fact that everyone is different is the most important thing to take away from all this. What works for me may not work for anyone else.

 

When it comes to portion sizes I don’t really have much to say. The RTM books are very quiet on what a portion is. I do use the guides on packets but now I generally just eyeball it. Being a young energetic man (lol) I like to have a decent size meal. Also, I like to have quite a big dinner cos I enjoy feeling full before I go to bed. As a result I guess my main meal portion size is too big. It’s back to the ‘everyone is different’ vibe again. I eat relatively small amounts at regular intervals during the day with a bigger than average evening meal. It’s what works for me…..

 

…….. I’m back. I know you didn’t know I was gone but I was eating an apple. Where was I? Right, weighing. Someone asked me if I weigh stuff still. Yes I do. I don’t weigh fruit and stuff any more (yes I was THAT obsessive about it at one point) but I do weigh my breakfast in the morning. I have a sachet of porridge in the morning which I obviously don’t have to weigh but I also have 30g or sultanas in it and around 150g of milk. I know it sounds strange weighing milk but I can’t be arsed to keep measuring out 180ml of milk so I just weighed it one day. I already have the scales out so it seems to make sense. I also weigh my carbs (pasta and rice mainly). I don’t weigh veg or salad anymore as I’m now in a place where I can have as much as I want of those. I don’t weigh my protein anymore but I do take note of the weights on packets when I buy it. Salmon fillets for example, I don’t normally buy ones that are over 180g. At the end of the day RTM does help you reintroduce food but it’s as much about finding your own way as it is anything else. I’m not done with numbers though don’t you worry. I finish in a week. Surely that’s worthy of one last stat attack?!

 

I’m looking forward to a relatively quiet week and weekend now. It was my sons 4^th birthday last Friday to after a trip to the sea life centre in the morning and a party in the afternoon, combined with family coming to visit all day Saturday, a night out last night and business lunch yesterday, I’m feeling pretty good about where I am on the weight front.

 

Shock, horror, I seem to be leading a ‘normal’ life. Who’d have thought it…..

 

G

‘1 Year!’ – RTM week 10 weigh in – Day 210

 

Don’t worry, I’m still alive. I’ve been off the grid for a little while. I’m just so busy with work at the moment it’s beyond a joke. I guess being busy at work isn’t the worst thing. Plenty of people don’t have work at all for example. Anyway, weigh in results. Well this morning I weighed in at 13 stone exactly which I believe is around a pound less than last week. To be honest this doesn’t really mean much as my scales said 13 stone 5lbs just two days ago (after the weekend). I think that’s my level of fluctuation. I’m gonna need to take a longer term view in the regard of anything between 13 dead and 13 5 is acceptable. Those are essentially the two extremes of the last few weeks. In terms of the eating regime everything is going fine. I’ve had a few occasions where I’ve felt like I’m enjoying myself a little too much but at the end of the day, I’m still no where near the average man’s  intake of 2500 calories. As I sit here with just two weeks of the lighterlife programme to go, I’ll be shedding another 200 calories a day by dropping my last food pack (the beloved peanut bar). Anyway, I guess this week is a bit of a milestone as it’s week 30 and I’m still 8 and a half stone lighter than I was just last September. What I’m managing to do now though is an achievement in itself. I’m eating 3 meals a day and have finally got over the introduction of lunch at work. I generally have a Sandwich (healthy option) or some sushi these days and all seems to be going fine. 3 meals a day with snacks (read fruit) in-between.

 

For week 11 of RTM I’m going to try something I considered doing a few weeks ago but didn’t. I’m gonna stop recording. For my last 2 weeks of route to management I’m going to go it completely alone without relying on my food diary etc to track my intake. The result of this two week experiment should enable me to decide how much contact I need to have with my Lighterlife counsellor in the future. I’d like it to be once a month but if my experiment to eat without recording fails dramatically over the next two weeks, I’ll be back to the drawing board and the food diary along with continuing to attend every fortnight. I’m sure it’ll be fine as I have essentially based my diet around porridge in the morning, sandwich for lunch and either chicken, fish or cottage cheese along with a carb (potato, rice, pasta) and veg or salad in the evening. Snacks tend to consist of Apples, nectarines, pears, nuts with dried fruit and Muller light yoghurts. Sounds pretty balanced don’t you think? There isn’t much else involved. I don’t have a lot of cooking sauces or red meat for example. I don’t eat a lot of dairy (no cheese etc) apart from the milk in my porridge and hot drinks and to be honest, these are the food groups I’m not that bothered about.  Weekends I’ve spoken about before. I generally have some free reign but nothing too terrible. This past Saturday for example I made some fajitas and had a few beers. When you break the fajitas down, what’s so terrible? Chicken breast=good, green and red pepper = good, onion = good, flatbreads = not the end of the world, tomato salsa = good, beer = mmmmmmmmmm not so much. Had some Cake and chicken wings on Sunday which probably wasn’t the best idea but it’s not the end of the world. Everything in moderation at the end of the day. So anyway, what did I eat yesterday?

 

7:00 – Porridge with sultanas

10:00- Banana

11:30 – Pear

13:00 – Chicken and salad sandwich

14:00 Apple

15:00 – Cranberry bar

17:00 – Nectarine

19:00 – Salmon Fillet with Wholegrain basmati rice and veg (mushrooms, sweet corn, peas and red pepper)

20:00 – Muller light

21:00 – Small bar of Bourneville (lol)

 

Total calories in – 1873

Total burned – 450

Net in – 1423

Total Fat 48g – of which saturates – 18g

Total carb – 251g

 

This is pretty much my weekday diet with a change in the protein/carb/veg on a daily basis. This seems to be working for me as I’ve maintained pretty well the last few weeks. The treadmill is still going fine but I pushed it a bit yesterday for the first time (since doing my leg in) and I’ve had a few twinges today. I think I need to scale it back for a little while longer. Other than that it’s all good on the eating front.

 

As I was booking a meeting for 6^th April this morning I had a rather poignant reminder of my past life. The reminder was set to go off at 9am on that day and simply said ‘1 year!’. Well, what’s all that about? Well, one year ago (on the 6^th of April) I set myself the challenge of losing 100lbs in 1 year. I’d forgotten all about it but I vaguely remember mentioning it on here at some point. It was at this time last year that I started researching the variety of hardcore diets out there and started down the road that eventually led me to lighterlife 4 and a bit months later. How strange that 2 days after this target date I will finish Lighterlife completely. I broke the 100lb barrier quite a long time ago but it was just so…..odd to see that diary reminder letting me know my one year was up. Like a time capsule or something. In my heart of hearts I know that without lighterlife I would still be sitting there at 22 stone when that reminder popped up on the 6th of April and hate myself for it. I guess one thing they say in the route to management CDs is right after all. It DOES feel great being a DOER!

 

G

 

P.S. Sorry it’s been so long since an update and that this post reads as if it’s a tad all over the shop. I just wanted to get something down and posted asap. I’ve got a lot of balls in the air right now (so to speak lol)! I’ve had a few questions in the comments and via email lately too. Keep em coming! I certainly plan on addressing them in future posts.

 

Bring it on back – Day 202

 

I’m a bit delicate today. Not a hangover, I’m ill. After having to take a day off work last week to look after the kids (cos the wife was ill) I’m now sitting at work having contracted the lurg myself! How does that work!? Oh well, soldier on and all that. Anyway, I refuse to moan. Any new readers to my blog must think I’m a right moany git if they base their opinion on my last couple of posts. It’s time to bring it back!

 

Good news this week is that I’m back on the treadmill in my old routine now. I have scaled it back a bit (now burning 400 calories a time instead of 5/600) in order to not over do it again. The knee feels ok at the mojo so I’m hoping I’ve found a balance. One thing I do need to work on is my posture. I walk, stand and sit terrible. I am flat footed which I’m sure doesn’t help but now I’m not carrying the weight, the wife says my hunching is really noticeable. I wonder if it’s years of trying to hide my body shape that has got me into this predicament. Anyway, I read somewhere that you should walk as if someone is pulling you up from a string attached to your head or something. I’ve been trying to walk straighter but I feel like a bit of an idiot. Hmmmm, maybe there’s something I can put in my shoes…… God, I’m like Forrest Gump!

 

I’m also glad to see that the weather is turning. The darkness and the cold are not good conditions to lose/maintain weight. Whilst I still think it’s the most difficult time to lose, I wanted to shift my extra poundage during the winter in preparation for the summer. I still think I need to be super careful during the next 6 months though. I have my holiday coming in May and it’s all too easy to get into the routine of lunch time beers when you work in the city. I’m working on restricting the lunches to once a week at the mo and it seems to be working for me. I think I’m in a pretty good routine all round when it comes to eating now. I have it nailed during the week with my selections of evening meals, fruit during the day and a calorie limited lunch (currently a 300 calorie sandwich of some description). Weekends are a little bit more free reign. I quite like that approach to be honest though. I don’t like that have to get into the nitty gritty of label inspection etc at the weekend. My wife thinks I’m obsessive enough about it as it is! I do still go for the healthy option but I don’t worry about it if that makes sense.

 

On the weight front I’m clocking in at 13 stone 1lb this morning which is BMI 24.8 (Healthy) and still 8 and a half stone less than just 6 months ago. I guess a part of me is still waiting for the bubble to burst and, whilst I officially have another 3 weeks to go on the lighterlife route to management phase, the reality is that I’ve been managing my own diet with all food groups for about six weeks now. Dare I say that it’s almost becoming easy to maintain my weight? Well, maybe not. I don’t want to get too complacent about it. With that said though I am comfortable that a significant gain isn’t going to come unless it’s my own doing. Some say you finish management at the same weight you started it. Some others say you will finish management having put on what you lost in the first week of Lighterlife (glycogen stores etc). Well, neither is the case for me so far. I do have spikes after heavy weekends (sometimes as high as 13 stone 5lbs) but I’m still consistently around 12lbs below the weight I was when I started eating again. Now as long time readers will know, my long term goal has always been 14 and a half stone. I’ve always said that if I can be sitting here this time next year (i.e. after the festive period) at anything less than 14 and a half, I’d be happy. Now I’m not so sure. I’m actually quite liking where I am now and I’m not sure having this ‘I can afford to put a stone on’ mentality is going to be a help to me going forward. As a result I’m trying not to look at it that way. I’ve revised the long term target to be anything under 14 stone but I’m not using it as an excuse to over indulge. If I can stay where I am, I will. Now with all that said, I’m about to embark on a challenge that really doesn’t appeal the obsessive compulsive disorder side of my character. I’m starting to retire the spreadsheet. I’ve already stopped recording my water intake and, after next week, will see how I can cope without calorie counting. I reserve the right to back track on that though. I’m still in two minds. I think I will always be a counter, I can’t help it, but I’d like to be able to take a more approximate view of things rather than being so exact. I’m pretty sure I can do it as I’ve found a routine now. I think that’s one of the key behavioural needs of mine. Once I’m in to the routine of something, I find it quite easy to stick to it. I like my routine of porridge in the morning, fruit at regular intervals, light lunch and decent dinner with free reign at the weekends. It’s the way it should be at the end of the day. I always said that my weight problems stemmed more from behavioural issues and bad habits. Well my new regime stems from good behaviour and good habits. Having the habits aren’t bad, it’s what the habits are. Pretty obvious really when you think about it.

 

Adrian posted a comment on my last post featuring a quote from Albert Einstein which is actually one of my favourite quotes. ‘Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results’. This is indeed the crux of the whole dieting culture. You lose it, you put it back on, you lose it, and you put it back on. Whilst the method of losing it changes, the way you put it back on never does. It’s so obvious when you really sit down and think about it. It’s the lifestyle change that’s key. The method of losing weight is actually pretty irrelevant. While I’m sure some diets do alter your metabolism temporarily etc, unless you address why you were over weight in the first place, you’re never going to keep it off. Lighterlife has helped me address those issues in a way no other diet has, and you get quick losses too!

 

Hmmm, it occurs to me that I haven’t done a ‘what I’m eating today’ for a while….

 

7 – Porridge with sultanas

10 – nectarine

11:30 – pear

12:30 – Slim a soup (minestrone)

13:30 – Ham mustard & Salad sandwich (Sainsbury’s be good to yourself range 308kcal 2.4g sat fat)

14:00 – Plum

15:00 – LL cranberry bar

16:30 – Apple

18:00 – 2 finger mint kit kat (have this while reading my book on the train. Only 107 calories.

19:30 – Cod fillets in Parsley sauce with wholegrain basmati rice and peas

20:00 – Sugar free jelly with Fat free fromage frais

 

Total Calories in – 1643

Calories burned (treadmill) – 400

Net calories – 1243

Total fat – 29 – of which saturates – 17

Total carbs – 211

 

Now I know the calories still sound low but I have higher days. Today is actually my lowest day this week. As I like to enjoy my weekend, I work the numbers out averaging over a week. So, here they are for this week (my LL week starts on a Thursday)….

 

RTM week 9 stats

Calories in  – 14,176

Calories burned  - 800 (only 2 treadmill sessions this week due to dodgy knee)

Net calories – 13,376

Fat – 301g – of which saturates – 133g

Carbs – 1570

 

So (stay with me), the above averages out to…..

 

1911 calories a day

43g fat a day (19g saturated)

215g carbs a day

 

To finish is all off I’m currently weighing about a pound lighter than this time last week. That’s ok though. I don’t mind having higher weeks and lower weeks. I’ve got a couple of things on in week 10 for example so the scales will probably go up again a bit. At least it won’t be a surprise!

 

G

 

P.S. Sorry if I’ve bored you with numbers but they really help me keep track and stick to targets.

 

P.P.S. I’ve also added my Xbox Live gamertag to the blog (that’s it up there to the right). Yep, I’m a big time gamer geek and it drives the wife nuts. So, if you know what it is, feel free to send me a friend request and make sure you mention the blog as I keep getting random request from people I don’t know. I’ve also added a link to my twitter feed should you be so inclined to follow it. If none of this makes any sense to you whatsoever, just ignore it lol.

 

This time it’s different – RTM week 8 weigh in – Day 197

 

Ello. Well I posted my first ever official gain last night. A shocking 2 and a half pounds no less. The reality? I guess I stayed the same. The only reason I had a gain at my official LL weigh in last night is cos I had my dinner etc before I went. I never normally eat or drink for hours before a weigh in but, as I said a few posts ago, I’m not using my LL weight at all now. It really isn’t an accurate picture of where I am. As a result, I weighed in at 13 stone 1lb this morning. So I guess you could say I’ve lost this week having spiked to nearly 13 stone 5lbs after my heavy weekend. Although this all sounds dramatic it’s essentially all glycogen and water movement. This is just the reality of having a heavy weekend and not really exercising (due to my dodgy knee). Anyway, the upshot of all this guff is that I averaged over 2000 calories a day and didn’t exercise this week only to weigh exactly the same as I did the week before. I told you didn’t I? 2000kcals a day without the exercise seems to be the magic number. My scales really do move though. When I got up at 5am this morning (don’t get me started) I was 13 stone 1. Jumped on quick before getting in the shower at 7am, 12 stone 13 and a half. It’s amazing. If I take the two extremes of my weigh this week that’s a difference of nearly half a stone. I guess it’s taught me to trust myself a little more in that it does tend to shake itself out after a few days when I’ve had a heavy weekend. I’m really happy about this situation to be honest. I don’t mind calorie counting etc during the week if it means I can pretty much do what I want at the weekend with a clear conscience. It sounds too simple to say but being in this situation never felt like a realistic prospect just 6 months ago.

 

So I’m still 118lbs (8 stone 6lbs) lighter than when I started Lighterlife and 12lbs lighter than when I started eating again. I’m also a good stone under my original target weight. Only now do I feel like I’m entering a maintenance mindset. The focus has been so much on losing weight that I’ve never really considered what it would feel like to actually maintain. As today is the start of week 9 of the lighterlife route to management phase, I drop another food pack. I’m now on just one bar a day and that’s it. Whilst I should probably find something to fill the gap I’m quite happy to have a lighter week to be honest. I feel a little like I’ve been burning the candle at both ends for the last couple of weeks so I’m looking forward to having a weekend in to be honest. Where was I? Oh yeah, maintenance. I guess I feel like I’m maintaining now cos I’ve pretty much been eating all types of food for at least 4 weeks. I’m really doing it, both in theory and practice. It’s also getting to the point where I’ve been eating for ‘months’ without putting any weight back on and that’s a good feeling. When I think about how fast time flies these days I’m sure it’ll be a year before I know it. I feel I’m starting to get over the ‘diet’ mentality now too. I’m not out of it completely (and maybe never will be) but I do feel a little bit like a light bulb has switch on in my head. The focus has been so much on the ‘journey’ and how far I had to go (be it weight or time) that I haven’t really looked at what I’m DOING.

 

Now with all that said, I am one off those people who will always need to watch their weight. There’s always this discussion going on about people who are ‘naturally skinny’. Some people say that this is a myth and that people who are slim work really hard to be that way. I don’t believe a word of it. I know people who eat and drink some of the most horrific junk you can imagine and still look like a racing snake. Ability to gain weight easier than others is genetic; I’m absolutely convinced of that. The people who work really hard to be slim are the people that have this genetic makeup but aren’t fat. People like us at the end of the day. I think this is key when it comes to keeping it off. I’m one of those people who puts on half a pound if I just look at a donut but I’m willing to work really hard to make sure I either don’t have the donut or work off the calories after I’ve had it. There’s a lot of research out there to suggest that people who were once big and aren’t anymore have to be that much more committed and work that much harder to maintain their weight than someone who has never been obese. I wonder if that’s why I read so much about people who have had to return to lighterlife (and the shakes) because they returned to ‘normal’ eating and put a load of weight back on. It’s that word ‘normal’ that makes no sense. There’s no such thing. How I was eating before lighter life wasn’t ‘normal’. How I’m eating now isn’t ‘normal’. Normal eating is what’s normal for you. Everyone is different at the end of the day. Maybe some people don’t realise that rehabilitating yourself after a lifetime of being obese is a life long commitment and requires serious change and the most serious mind to succeed.

 

Jesus I’m getting preachy today. I dunno what it is. I’m feeling a bit feisty. I guess I get incredibly frustrated when I see people trying to push the boundaries. ‘Adult decision to eat’, ‘what food will keep me in ketosis?’, ‘why can’t I have diet coke’, ‘a few drinks a week can’t hurt’ etc etc. The list goes on and on. I know it’s going to be unpopular with some readers and I’m sorry but how can you ever hope to succeed in the long term (with all food types) if you’re trying to bend the rules in abstinence? I live in hope that this is what sets me apart of the people that have to return time and again to the lighterlife band wagon. I have to cling to that hope. Something must set the people apart that succeed long term from the people who don’t. I for one have changed, and I’ve changed for good!

 

I know some of the above sounds a bit selfish or even unsympathetic however, the reason for my feelings on this is very simple (and I really mean this). If I can do it, anyone can. All lighterlife does is give you the chance. What you do with it is up to you.

 

G

 

P.S. Just read that back (as I always do when I’m about to post it). How much of a mood am I in today!?! I know it sounds like I’m being judgmental and I hate that. At the end of the day whatever one individual decides to do is entirely up to them. I’m just putting my opinion out there. In other words, just ignore me lol….

‘The only thing we have to fear is Fear itself’ – Day 194

 

So I’ve had a real reminder of what not to be over the last few days. A feeling that’s a total blast from the past. Saturday came and went and it was just as legendary as I thought it was going to be (on the drink front). To be honest I’m sitting here on Monday morning and still feeling it. Yesterday wasn’t pretty after all the curry, beer and sugar I consumed as the excesses of Saturday worked its way through. That’s how I used to feel ALL the time before I started lighterlife. I don’t mind every now and then but it was a really helpful reminder to not slip back into my old ways for any extended period of time.

 

This week has been a bit of a rollercoaster on the food front as it goes and I think I’ve identified a couple of triggers for me. The first is bread. Well, not bread as such, more having bread earlier in the day.  I had two lunches at work last week (on Thursday and Friday). One was sushi and one was a sandwich (made at home). Well, the sushi day was fine but the day I had the bread at lunch time I was climbing the walls wanting to munch on anything. I managed a bit of damage limitation buy munching on a bag of dried fruit and mixed nuts (all good fats and calories) but I spent Friday night beating myself up about having stuff that wasn’t in the food plan (especially as I had a high calorie weekend planned). The wife made me feel better about it though. I was sitting there with a face like thunder so she started grilling me about why I had the arse. I told her about the wanting to eat more and snacking on the nuts and fruit and she just laughed. She said something along the lines of ‘if eating some nuts is your only problem, you ain’t got not problems’. I guess she’s right. I suppose it was the behaviour that worried me. That, coupled with the fact that my dodgy leg has meant no exercise for me this week, made me beat myself up about it. That’s not even taking into account that I’m STILL averaging less than 2000 calories a day at this point. Anyway, I think I’ve learned a lesson, sandwiches at lunch are gonna have to be a no no for me. Now this is a big thing. I come from a long line of sandwich eaters and would eat pretty much anything between two slices of bread. Hmmmm, I guess that’s one of the many reasons why I got so big. Oh well, I can get on board with sushi and salads for the foreseeable future. I think another slight trigger for me is some types of fruit. As I ended up having more calories than intended over the last few days I actually cut back on the fruity snacks for a couple of days (damage limitation again) and felt surprisingly better (in terms of hunger/cravings) so I’m limiting myself to 3 pieces of fruit a day (in addition to my sultanas in the my porridge) and am going to get into the routine of 3 meals a day instead of snacking little and often. The L&O approach worked very well for me at first but I think a lunchtime meal will help now. Anyway, that’s coming to effect from Thursday. That’s the start of week 9 of RTM and I’m in to the last 4 weeks of the plan. In week 9 you drop to just 1 food pack a day so it’s time to up the calories with a lunch (not just slim a soup) It’s going to be a challenge but, if I keep inspecting the labels, I will succeed. I won’t go into the details of Saturday but I’ve drawn a line under it and am back practising my healthy lifestyle as I type. I mentioned this is my last post. This is how it’s supposed to be. I’m not on a diet anymore. I’m just practising a healthy, balanced lifestyle 90% of the time and doing what I like the other 10%. Seems to be working for me.

 

So, what affect has all this had on the scales? Not a lot to be honest. On the morning of my last weigh in (last Wednesday) I weighed 13 stone 1lb and this morning I weight 13 stone 3lbs. As I’ve been tracking the calories and not exercising this week I can pretty much say for certain that’s a glycogen gain and not fat. When I look back at the stats, I was 13 stone 3 two weeks ago too. I think between 13.3 and 13.5 is my actual weight you know (with glycogen). Any more than that and I know I’m putting the fat on. I say 13.5 cos I spiked to that this time last week too (after the party) and it all evened itself out again over the next few days. So I’m dedicating myself to rehydration today and am gonna stay off the treadmill tomorrow to make it a full week without exercise and I’m back in the routine come Thursday!

 

Another thing I managed to do (for the second weekend running) is not access the spreadsheet! I’m managing to slowly get myself off it. The plan is to still track my calorie intake to the letter until I finish RTM in 4 weeks time and then maybe for a few weeks after that just to make sure I stay on track with zero food packs. After that, I want to go it alone. I may carry it on a bit longer though because the next big challenge is coming. A holiday. This carries more psychological issues for me that practical ones cos I remember going on holiday with my mates in my late teens (whilst living a fairly healthy lifestyle) only to start ballooning when I got back and not stop growing for about 10 years! Anyway, we’re going to turkey with the wife’s family and I’m determined to stay the course on this one. The hotel has gym facilities which I’m going to use and I WON’T be drinking every day and I WON’T be having chips with everything. It CAN be done and I’m gonna prove it!

 

G

 

P.S After reading that back I don’t think I was being particularly clear on my concerns. My worry is losing control. The reason I was getting in a bit of a state about it is cos I was having stuff I didn’t plan to have and doing it intentionally. This naturally leads the way to the dreaded slippery slope. You remember the knife edge right? Well I’m still well and truly on it. I haven’t lost sight of it. I mentioned before that I need the ‘fear’ to keep me on the straight and narrow. I still believe that but, at the risk of spouting yet another old chestnut, face your fears!

 

P.P.S Thanks again for the comments everyone! I had one about a low GI diet from Vee. I totally think that’s the way forward and the lighterlife route to management books specifically refer to low GI food (it’s why you can have some fruit in week 3 and not others for example). Another aspect of a low GI diet is the whole grain approach. Although I’ve never actually read a book about low GI food what I do know is that eating Porridge oats, wholewheat pasta and brown rice/bread, really does work to keep you satisfied for longer.

Trust issues – RTM week 7 weigh in – Day 189

 

It happened. The weight I ‘gained’ is off again lol. I have my RTM week 7 weigh in tonight but I’m not really focusing on that right now as much as my morning ‘true weight’ which currently stands at 13 stone and 1lb which is a total loss of 120lbs or 8 stone 8lbs in just 27 weeks. As regular readers will know I’ve been having a bit of a battle with Glycogen stores. I really don’t know what my glycogen weighs but this week it’s time for an experiment. I hit the treadmill last night and am in quite a lot of pain this morning. I don’t know if it’s a pulled muscle or if there’s something more sinister at work but my right leg isn’t working very well. As a result I’m going to have to give the treadmill la bit of a rest. So, as my calorie levels were around 1830 net of exercise in week 7 I’m going to aim for the same again without exercising in week 8. So this means I’m looking to hit 2000 calories a day with no exercise. Eeeeeek! As this is the same as my intake over the last week (the only difference being not burning 1500 calories on the treadmill) in theory the only weight I should put on is glycogen. As a result I think I may finally be in a position to know what I actually weigh this time next week. I just hope my leg recovers and it’s just some sort of strain or something. As weird as this sounds I think I’m going to miss the running. I felt my leg getting worse over the last few days but tried to power though but it’s no good. I HAVE to give it a rest. This is one of the things I really wanted to avoid. I didn’t want to get out of the routine of regular exercise due to a fear of getting back into it. With that said though, like everything else post lighterlife, I’m just so much more aware of these issues now that they don’t pose a problem.

 

Another interesting development was last Saturday. I went to the party and was pretty much faced with my biggest problem pre lighterlife. Loads of beer and a table full of party food. I was always one of those people that would get totally pissed and graze on the food all night. Well, I sort of did that again to be honest. It wasn’t a big drama as I’d factored in a pretty big buffer zone in the calorie allowance for Saturday night and it all shook out on the scales in the end but, it was another stark reminder to always be on my guard. I don’t want to describe it as a night off but I guess that’s kinda what it was. I knew I was drinking and eating a bit too much but decided to live with the consequences. To be honest, there wasn’t any. All I did was go out on a Saturday night and have a good time. The difference now and pre lighterlife is that I hadn’t had loads of beers/take aways in the week too. I’d been eating well all week so an exception is not the end of the world now. As long as that’s all it is. You will remember me banging on throughout this blog about one of my biggest behavioural problems pre diet was having the exception and the rule the wrong way around. I think I’ve cracked this now.

 

Something else I’m pushing myself to do is trust me a little bit more. I pretty much flew completely solo this weekend without the ever present spreadsheet governing my intake. I’m still keeping a food diary but I’m trying to not be so dependent on it now. Writing everything down is definitely a good idea though and I’m still doing that. As I was watching super size vs super skinny the other night I think it’s very easy to see where the extra calories can come from. One of the highest calorie things I eat now is my portion of whole wheat pasta at 269 calories a pop. It’s more than enough for me and I feel satisfied after eating it but it’s less than half of the white refined pasta I used to have with spaghetti bolognaise for example. It really does all add up and you need to watch it like a hawk. Everything in moderation at the end of the day. Now with that said I have another do on Saturday to prepare for. We have friends coming over so we’ll be eating, drinking and being merry but don’t you worry, I’ll be back on the porridge and salads come Sunday you can be sure of that!

 

I’ve also had a few down moments in the last week or so. Sometimes I feel a little bit like it’s slipping away from me. The odd few grapes here, a couple of crisps there, 1 more beer than planned etc. I wonder if I’m being too hard on myself and generally a little paranoid. I’ve found myself constantly thinking about food and calories in, calories out, calories burned etc so much that it’s rather dominating my character. It’s almost a little bit like it’s too good to be true. Can I really be one of those people that have a balanced healthy diet without thinking about it? Maybe, but not yet. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing something wrong but the scales stay the same. Surely I’m eating too much, I shouldn’t be enjoying myself with food and drink on a Saturday night etc. then I think to myself that these are all the sorts of things that ‘normal’ people do and to not worry about it.

 

I don’t know, it’s all very confusing at this point. ‘Feeling your own way’ sometimes feels like trying to see in the dark.

 

God how depressing was THAT! Never fear my friends, my resolve has never been stronger! I need to keep the faith in myself and my choices. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

 

G     

Nothing ventured, nothing gained – Day 181

Ok, before I get going I want to say a big thank you to everyone who has or is reading the blog and for all  of the great comments. There are some really experienced lighterlifers commenting on some of these posts and there’s some great insight as a result. The comments do really make it so please keep em coming. I’ve even had specific threads posted on message boards linking the blog which is absolutely fantastic and totally unexpected. I’m humbled by it. My last post did achieve a bigger reaction than most (all positive I’m pleased to say) so maybe I should be a bit more outspoken more often lol. I’ve been called an inspiration on a number of occasions now and whilst it does massage the old ego quite nicely, I’m just a twenty something dad of two from Essex. I don’t know what to say to it. All I’m trying to do is keep the blog going in order to show continued success post lighterlife as well as before. Whilst everyone’s journey is their own we all have strikingly similar experiences and if writing them down helps anyone to not feel on their own then it’s all worthwhile.  So it’s great to know that I’m inspiring some people but the honest truth is that you lot  inspire me. Every day I get new readers who are making possibly one of the hardest life changing decisions they will ever make and hearing the success of others who have already taken that step. If that’s not inspiration for me to keep riding the wave, I don’t know what is.

Thanks again

 G

P.S. This crazy journey is far from over!

Well my friends. It seems to have happened. I think I’ve put on weight! Eeek! That’s obviously the first reaction but here I am the day before weigh in day and I’m 2lbs heavier than this time last week. Now this obviously isn’t the end of the world as I’m only averaging around 1650 calories a day after exercise so it can’t be fat. I guess it’s just some glycogen. I have been eating more carbs this week and I haven’t been on the treadmill since Sunday. So with all this said I could end up going on the treadmill tonight and staying the same this week lol. You watch. I bet that’s what happens! So, just in case that does, I’m taking this opportunity to gauge my reaction to a gain. Now I’m essentially over a stone under my goal weight at the moment but, a gain is a gain at the end of the day. My first increase in weight since the 27^th August 2008. It’s a strange feeling to be honest. I feel bad/naughty etc when I really shouldn’t. The mind really is a funny thing isn’t it. I can sit here telling myself that I’m only having X amount of calories and exercising X times a week etc but those bloody scales still say more than they did this time last week. So, what am I going to do to give my subconscious mind a kick up the arse? I’m gonna eat more! Muahahahahahahaha! Fight fire with fire! I obviously have more glycogen to go back on and I think this is cos I’ve only really been eating one ‘meal’ a day. It’s my evening meal and the only time I have significant carbs. The rest of the day (after my porridge in the morning) I spend snacking on fruit and lighterlife bars (not forgetting my slim a soup at lunchtime). I’m finding as I eat more and get used to a balanced diet, my body is wanting something a little more substantial during the day. This means lunch. Now long time readers will know that I’ve been avoiding lunches at work like the plague due to the sheer level of temptation (and cost) that comes along with lunching in the city. Some of these sandwich shops around here would blow your mind. Now with that said, I need to get this glycogen issue sorted for my own sanity. As a result, there’s gonna be a lunch time sandwich involved. Except this time I’m gonna make it at home! Now as much as this practice feels like I’m going back to school, I think it’s necessary, cheaper, and you know exactly what’s in it.  I’ve planned this out in my meal planner for next week and it doesn’t dramatically increase my calories (it is a rather uninspiring ’sandwich’ after all) but it does push my carbs up to just over 200g a day (average for a man around my size should be 250g). I’m hoping this should increase those god damn glycogen levels once and for all and my weight will even out. I guess I’m trying to get to what I think will be my magic numbers of 2000 calories a day and 250g carbs a day in conjunction with exercising 3 times a week. Once I get to that point I should have a much better idea if I’m ever going to be one of those 2500 calories a day ‘average’ men or not. Hmmmmm, I suspect not…..

The advantage of a meal planner is that it’s very easy to see where the excess has come from. It’s basically the weekend. Now I’m quite happy to have a bit of free reign at the weekend and consider this to be the case for the long term. My extra glycogen came from having two meals a day over the weekend. I went for beans on toast Saturday lunchtime along with a dinner and some beers in the evening then on Sunday I took the family to the local Harvester for a spot of lunch. To keep in tune with the new me I essentially went for the healthiest option on the menu, a grilled chicken breast with plain Jacket potato and peas. I also hit the salad cart. However, to also keep in tune with my guilt ridden nature, I decided to look up the nutritional info on the Harvester website when I got back. The long and short of it was that I had around 650 calories instead of a usual 2000! Now that is a shocker isn’t it?! It just goes to show how much difference there can be in the same place. So, in my new found smugness, I had a sandwich on Sunday night and didn’t feel guilty in the l slightest. I guess the only thing I had which maybe I shouldn’t was some of the cookies I made with my son on Sunday. They were warm from the oven and full of dried fruit and I decided to dive in. Jolly nice it was too if I do say so myself. So anyway, where was I? Oh yes, between, the toast, the sandwich, potato and cookies it’s not hard to see where the extra carbs came from this week. So, in conclusion, calories were in check, carbs were higher, gain of 2lbs  = Glycogen. At least that’s my logic and I’m sticking to it!  Now ‘project lunch’ is about to be launched next week, I’m expecting a couple more weeks of gains. I’m sure I can handle it. I just have to keep the faith in myself and my choices. That and the fact that if I need to reel it back in a bit I can just by going back a couple of weeks in my meal planner.

Well that’s it for the obsessive number crunching for this post. The treadmill work is going ok. I do still enjoy it but think I may have over done it in the last couple of weeks. I’m still going on it 3 times a week but I’m toning it down a little to let my legs recover. I’m still burning at least 500 calories a time though. As I only have another 2 weeks on 2 food packs a day, I don’t think I need to burn as much anyway. I’m looking forward to this weekend as we have a night off on Saturday. My dad is baby sitting for us and me and the wife are going to a 40^th birthday party. I’ve laid off the mid week beers this week in anticipation as these things generally get a bit heavier than you expect. As a result they’ll be no take away on Saturday. Just a Jacket potato for both me and the missus with cottage cheese. As much as I’m looking forward to Saturday night, I’m not looking forward to Sunday morning! As Sunday is going to be a bit of a wipe-out I’ve taken next Monday off work. We’re going visiting the great Nan’s and granddads for the day so that should be fun. They don’t see much of the kids so they’ll be more than happy to entertain them. Getting through a visit to grandparents without getting fed a load of food you shouldn’t eat is another matter entirely! I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I bought a new shirt for the party on Saturday from Next in a size Large no less. I did get the medium on but let’s just say there wasn’t much drinking room in it. If I’m honest I’m probably between sizes at the moment. I’m a Medarge lol. With that said though once my glycogen is all back and weight is stable I’ll probably be a comfortable large. Got to be happy with that.

So that’s it. Nothing exciting. Just ticking over to be honest. I’m not going for weigh in tomorrow as I’m pretty much doing 2 weeks at a time now. My counsellor is away at the mo anyway so it doesn’t really matter. I will give a quick update on the weight front before the week is out though.

G

P.S. I think it may even be safe to say that spring is in the air. Heh, famous last words…..

YES WE CAN! – RTM week 5 weigh in – Week 25 – Day 176

 

Huzzah! Check me out. Twice in one week! Anyway. Straight on to the good stuff. I had my Route to management week 5 weigh in and registered a 2lbs loss this week which means I’ve now lost a total of 119lbs or 8 and a half stone exactly in just 25 weeks. Morning true weight currently stands at 13 stone and 1lbs or which is BMI 24.8 (W…..T…..F…..). So yes, it’s still a loss and not what I was looking for but, after having a conversation with my dad last night, I feel better about it. He managed to sum up how I’m feeling about my continued loss in a nutshell. I don’t want to over reach. Yes I am increasing my calorie intake week on week and doing it in a controlled manner. If I go over my calorie allowance I burn of the extra on the treadmill (something I also don’t HAVE to do, cos I’m still losing) but at the end of the day, I’d rather be controlled and still lose a little than increase my intake too much and not know it until the damage was done. Now, with all that said, it’s time for my regular disclaimer. I AM quite happy to put some weight back on. If I can sit here next year at anything less than 14 and a half stone I’ll be happy with that as a long term maintenance weight. Now I know that’s essentially 20lbs more than I am now but let’s be realistic. The road ahead could be quite bumpy at some points when I fly the Lighterlife nest. I have a holiday coming in May, the summer BBQ season and of course, let’s not forget Christmas and the general festive period. These are all reasons why I’ve got so low. I don’t want to ever have to go back on the abstinence part of the lighterlife programme. Building in this (rather significant) buffer is my ammo to make sure I never end up in that position. Now it may well be that I’m sitting here this time next year at the same weight I am now but the point is I (and the wife) was happy between 14-14.5 stone and I still feel that way. Whether I’ll still feel that way in 6 months time is a different question. I’ll let you know when I get there.

 

I’ve had a few requests via email and message boards (where are the comments on the blog gang?!) for top tips and advice when doing lighterlife. I think I mentioned doing something like this around the turn of the year but never got round to it. I guess the bottom line is that I don’t like to tell people what to do. I think something like lighterlife is so hardcore, so extreme, and so expensive that only you and you alone can decide to start and complete the plan. Anyway, with that said, I’m going to give it a go. Now I don’t view myself as the font of all knowledge when it comes to lighterlife but It’s been pretty successful so I guess I must have some wisdom to pass on lol. I’m going to split it into two parts. The practical stuff and the more woolly stuff. Obviously this is all personal opinion and I’ll be surprised if there aren’t’ things people disagree with. At the end of the day, everyone’s journey is their own. These are just the things I’ve lived by. Be warned, it’s gonna get preachy…..

 

Practical stuff

 

Measure everything. I have a spreadsheet here that measures water intake, LL weight, Home weight, BMI, food pack orders, measurements, the list goes on and on, the old adage of ‘writing stuff down’ really helps. I would encourage anyone to get into this habit early on as it’s only going to help you even more when you’re eating again.

 

Don’t ‘cook’ your packs in the early stages. I know I’m contradicting myself here as I was making crisps for my last few weeks of abstinence but I think the psychological effects of making ‘chocolate bars’, ‘muffins’, ‘custard’ etc is just plain bad news. You don’t need the baggage. Lighterlife is an abstinence programme. How are you supposed to separate yourself bad food whilst making this stuff?

 

Space your packs out evenly during the day. I found One before work, one during, one after and one before bed to work for me.

 

Get a stick blender. Seriously, if you’re doing the programme and don’t have one of these you already have more will power than I do. I couldn’t live without mine.

 

Be mindful of tea/coffee/sweetener – It all makes you pee more and can dehydrate you, therefore constipate you, therefore lose less. I’m not saying don’t have it, just regulate it with water

 

Pack combos. This isn’t cooking, just nice. I would recommend blending coffee and ice with water and the chocolate shake and dunking peanut bars in hot black coffee. Lemon bars dunked in tea are ok too.

 

Don’t dismiss packs forever – I hated Thai chilli when I started and loved chicken. Now it’s the other way around. Change them up every few weeks. You may be surprised.

 

Savoury drink – Don’t buy the lighterlife one. It’s a lot of money for the same stuff you can buy in the supermarket (Marigold Swiss vegetable bullion).

 

Spend a lot of time in the bath in the early weeks. It’s that much more hassle to get to the fridge.

 

 

Hmmmmm, I’m sure there are loads more practical things but I want to get on to the other stuff. Let’s talk about lapsing. Don’t do it. Ever. Now I’m proud to say that I didn’t lapse through the whole of the plan so I guess this doesn’t really make me qualified to talk about it but I’m gonna lol. There are so many aspects to lapsing. The cost is the most practical one. Let’s take a good case scenario, you lapse quite badly but you stay the same that week. Well that lapse has cost you £66 (plus whatever the cost of the food you ate) and more importantly, another whole week on abstinence! You really are only cheating yourself. There are men in my group who started a month before I did and have lost significantly less than I have solely due to lapsing. Something else I can tell you is how good it feels not to lapse and it CAN be done. So much is said of the whole ‘adult ego state’ and I’ve made an ‘adult decision to eat’ well, long time readers will know that I don’t agree with this at all. In my view if you have committed to the abstinence part of the programme and are serious about success, the adult decision is to abstain. I still fail to see any logical reason for it bar medical reasons. I’ve been through Christmas, two work conferences, work do’s, birthdays, parties, weddings, you name it I’ve done it and not lapsed once. Again, it CAN be done. One of the best things to do on this plan is to develop a real stubborn streak. Don’t let other people (and more importantly guilt derail you). Keep your eye on the prize and remember that it’s not forever. If you lapse, you’ll just make it harder for yourself in all areas. I’ve seen many come and go due to lapsing so you just don’t need it. God, listen to me on my high horse. I’ve read it back and I know it sounds harsh but I really believe in abstinence. Now, with all that said, all is not lost if you do lapse. I have a great deal of respect for people who can fall of the wagon and get straight back on. I think one of the main reasons I didn’t lapse is cos I don’t think I could have done it. Here’s that knife edge again. If you lapse, don’t beat yourself up about it. Put it behind you and move on. Taking a ‘well I’ve lapsed now so I may as well have this too’ approach is going to kill off the plan for you completely. I’ve seen people really put their self through the mill cos of a lapse and whilst I agree that you should feel bad about it, don’t think ‘oh I haven’t changed at all, I’m still as bad as I’ve always been’. I say that because what you do after a lapse defines the person you have become. If you lapse and get straight back on to the programme you will be able to look back at that specific point in time and say ‘There, right there, is where I changed for good’. If you allow the lapse to ruin it, that’s when you can be confident that you haven’t changed. God I hope that made sense. So, this is all well and good but, how have I avoided lapsing. Well, iron will power (I still don’t know where it’s come from) does indeed help but there are some things you can do. The one I like the best (and most of you will remember this) is the 20 minute rule. If you find yourself reaching for some food STOP! Now wait 20 minutes. If you still want it. Have it. That’s the approach I’ve taken and I never have. My rant about lapsing may have put the impression in your mind that I’m whiter than white. Well I’m certainly not. I’ve definitely had my moments and come VERY close to lapsing on several occasions but waiting the 20 minutes has always helped bring me back from the brink. Jeez I wonder about that all the time. If I’d have lapsed, would I still be sitting here writing this? I really don’t know.  I guess this is why I feel so strongly about it.

 

Another thing that came out of the conversation with my dad is the dreaded ‘fine line’. When you’ve been significantly overweight and successfully lose some, you’re constantly on a knife edge so you must NEVER lose sight of that fact and ALWAYS be on your guard. I’ve read somewhere though that you do eventually reach what they call a ‘half life’. You get to the point one day where you’ve had so much success that you’ll never go back to your old ways. Hmmmmm, I think I’m still on the knife edge. I know that sounds a bit depressing but I don’t think I’m ready to completely throw of the shackles of the dieting mentality just yet. You need the ‘fear’ in my view. Anything that keeps you on the straight and narrow is a good thing in my opinion.

 

Next I would say become a challenge whore. Write your targets and goals down and have a lot of them. I had around 20 weight loss targets which you can see by reading back over the blog and I still have some now. My first one in RTM is to complete the couch to 5km running plan and I’m just two weeks away from that now, then I move on to the next. I found that it really helped motivate me when I had mini goals really close together. Close enough that I almost had one every week. To me it became all about the challenge. That’s why I went through Christmas on abstinence even though I was pretty much at my goal weight. I needed one more big challenge to convince myself that I’ve changed for good. I’m so glad I did it. That’s not to say I’m not still sore about missing out on the mince pies but the point is they’ll be there next Christmas and every Christmas for the rest my life. This leads me on to possibly my most important thing, depravation.

 

I can’t stress this enough. You simply MUST have a culture of choice when it comes to your approach with Lighterlife. Put simply, if you have a ‘Can’t have’ mentality you WILL fail. You must take the ‘choosing not to have’ approach in order to succeed. Yes you’re on a diet plan and yes, it’s certainly a strict one, but you’re choosing to do it. You could have that donut or chocolate bar if you wanted to but you’re choosing not to. This is something I really suffered with pre lighterlife. I would constantly be telling myself that I can’t have this or can’t have that and as a result, I’d rebel and have twice as much. It’s your choice at the end of the day and it’s something that no one can take away from you. This is closely connected to the relationship with food thing. I found not shying away from food to be a really good thing. Obviously this doesn’t apply for the first week or two when you’re really suffering but after that, I think it’s a positive. I carried on cooking the Sunday roast and doing the weekly food shop throughout my time on the plan. I didn’t want to end up with a love/hate relationship with food so I figured I’d tackle it head on. Also I find the idea of things is quite often better than the actual thing itself. The amount of cooking programs I watched on TV during abstinence would shock you. Now I appreciate this approach might not be best for everyone but it’s back to the whole deprivation thing. Don’t’ deprive yourself of a relationship with food just cos you’re not eating it. I know that sounds weird but don’t forget that one of the blokes in my group is a chef! He was also one of the most successful on the plan. Take from that what you will.

 

Hmmmmm, what else. Sure you’ve all had enough of my preaching by now? No? Well, here I go again. Dealing with other people can be a pain. I’ve had a few instances and I’ve certainly developed some pet peeves as a result. One person (who knew I was on the plan) just would not stop offering me food. Apparently it was out of courtesy but I really don’t get it. I guess I’m lucky enough not to have encountered much trouble in this regard but I have had a few people tell me I’ve lost too much and someone even told me I look ill! I’m not sure what to take from comments like this but what I would advise other LL starters to do is just ignore it all. It could be jealousy, genuine concern, malice or anything else. Don’t waste time trying to understand the motivation behind some comments. Similarly, don’t get hung up on compliments either. In a post a long time ago I was talking about my inability to accept a compliment and to be honest, I still struggle. As much as people noticing is nice and the compliments do flow (I still see people now I haven’t seen since I started) they soon dry up. Don’t rely on your weight loss defining you as a person. This is something I’m quite guilty of. I’m becoming one of those calorie bores. To be honest I think it’s just that LL is all my life has been about for the last 6 months. I’ve been so focused on what’s going into my body; I haven’t really had time for anything else. The way I look at it, I’ve been overweight for 20 years so 6 months of focused dieting is nothing.

 

Ok, let’s wrap this up cos I really am just rambling now. I guess my last piece of advice is to enjoy it. I know it’s a strange one but there nothing like the feelings you get whist doing a diet like this. Just read back in this blog to see. There are so many highs. Clearing out the wardrobe, trying on old clothes after you’ve lost loads, looking at old photos, fitting in seats on planes, trains, concert venues, cinemas, buying clothes in every high street shop, reading back on your blog to see how you’ve changed, exercising without feeling like you’re going to die, looking good in the mirror, not feeling guilty about eating, better sex life, better relationships in general, more energy to play with the kids, not feeling self conscious, more confident, feeling like ‘one of the crowd’, not worrying about weight restrictions, not beating yourself up about a ‘bad night’, no joint pain, looking forward to getting up in the morning (mmmmmmmmm Porridge), rediscovering healthy food, meeting new people, learning about yourself with counselling, taking matters into your own hands, being a success. The list goes on and on but you get the point by now. If anyone has any questions or feels the need to ask anything else please don’t hesitate to comment on the blog or email me (address is on the ‘about’ page) or PM me in one of the lighterlife forums. I’ll be more than happy to help wherever I can.

 

So, final thought. It’s down to YOU. Only YOU can do it. Only YOU can ruin it. YOU lapse. YOU don’t lapse. YOU succeed. YOU take the credit.

 

G

 

P.S. Wait 20 minutes…………  

 

P.P.S. If that doesn’t work. Look at this picture……

‘Healthy’ – BMI 25 – Day 173

Well hello hello hello my friends. It feels like it’s been a while but let me tell you, today is a milestone. My morning true weight today was exactly 13 stone and 2bs which, as you may have gathered from today’s rather uninspiring post title is BMI 25! I’m ‘healthy’! Can you believe it readers? I mean, can you actually believe that less than 6 months ago I was a tight fitting xxxl and nearly 22 stone with a BMI of over 41? Lighterlife really is the miracle diet but that’s not what’s got me to this fighting fit weight. I have. I’ll come back to that in a sec. Now I want to point out that apart from the very early stages, BMI 25 has never been a serious goal for me. It was always there as a bit of a pipe dream but I never thought I would get there. With that said, I don’t expect to be here for long at all. You may recall me moaning that I was still losing and didn’t want to? Well not in a million years did I think I’d lose anymore. So after increasing my calorie intake much faster than I originally planned a couple of weeks ago, I find myself in the position of needing to do it again. To that end I’ve introduced more carbs. I’ve got to be honest (and one of the comments on my last post helped me form this view) I can really understand where carbs fit in to a healthy diet now and the main reason for that is exercise. They totally give you more energy and get up and go. Also, I’m not so bloody cold all the time now. Having some pasta last night (a mushroom, chicken and mustard concoction) I feel so much better.

So where does this leave me with Lighterlife? The honest answer is nowhere. I’m still having two food packs day but to be honest, there’s isn’t much I’m not eating. I haven’t had much bread yet but I’m gonna have a couple of slices with my prawns and salad tonight. As long time readers will know, I’ve been wrestling with the RTM plan for a few weeks. I can’t help but feel it’s designed for those with serious food addiction that are struggling to make the lifestyle change. The carbs aren’t my problem foods. I’m having the right ones (whole grains) and sticking to the recommended portion size. As you all know what my main trigger for overeating is (beer) I won’t go into it again. This is what I meant earlier. At the end of the day I hit BMI 25 through my own devices and eating plan. The key to all this is both behavioural and physical. Exercise is the silver bullet. I don’t want to over simplify it by using the old chestnut of ‘eat less, move more’ but it’s true! I just can’t afford to let it get away from me. To this end I’m rather punishing myself a little. If I’m going to be so blasé about putting the calories in to my body I need to commit to getting them out. Particularly when it comes to beer. Take Friday for example. I had 2 pints at lunch and, whilst not the end of the world, it was still unplanned. As a result I burnt those two pints off on the treadmill when I got home (Friday isn’t normally a treadmill day). It was the same over the weekend. I’d always planned to have a good drink with the wife on Valentine’s for quite a while but jeez it ended up being a VERY good drink. I blew my calorie target/budget for the day completely out of the water. As a result, I went for it on the treadmill the day after. 10km, 1hour 20 minutes and 1000 calories burned. Doing it with a hangover just cemented that I was making the right decision. No pain no gain. I guess this all sounds like I’m being a bit harsh on myself as I still lost weight this week and my average calorie intake is still less than 1400 a day but this is about the principle. I need to get in to the routine of there being consequences for over indulgence. Not necessarily bad consequences cos I actually quite enjoy the treadmill now, but consequences all the same. And let me tell you, after that session on the treadmill I’ll think twice about going over the quota again! To that end, I have a party to go to on the 28^th so, as me and the missus have got into quite the routine when it comes to having a few drinkies on a Saturday night, we decided it’s time for a mini challenge. No booze until the party. I was such a beer monster pre lighterlife that I need to prove to myself that it’s not the be all and end all. I’m quite happy to have a couple of cheekies during the week at work or a few on a Saturday night but I need to be comfortable that I can take or leave it relatively easily. There are only 2 reasons for this. Beer is FULL of calories and, to make matters worse, it makes me want to pig out!  Phew, anyway, I’m sure it won’t be a problem leaving the amber nectar alone for a couple of weeks. I did it for over 5 months after all. Of course, every cloud has a silver lining. No beer in the calorie plan for this week means I can eat more and then have a good drink at the party. See, calories in vs calories out. If you keep the balance, you keep your sanity.

Ah, another reason I’ve added the carbs in as early as I have (apart from not wanting to lose anymore) is that I think I’m hungry. I’ve got a pretty good exercise plan going on but I’ve found myself picking a little bit. Not at anything bad but picking all the same. I just don’t think I was satisfied and it was deffo worse on the days I ran. Having that pasta last night gave me the same sort of result that I get from the porridge in the morning. Cos it was wholewheat pasta I felt pretty full for the rest of the evening. That was just the kind of satisfaction I was looking for. It didn’t make me want to eat more at all. I felt a bit ‘heavy’ afterwards but I think that’s to be expected. As a result this week is another week of ‘firsts’. As I’ve already mentioned I’ve had my first pasta and I have my first bread to look forward to tonight along with my first jacket potato (with cottage cheese and the ever present salad) tomorrow night. I made the vegetable curry from the RTM recipe book last week with quorn and I really enjoyed it. I’m making it again this week and it quite easily tides me over for 2 meals. This week I’m going to add some wholegrain Basmati rice too. I don’t know where all this food has been all my life as this is exactly how I’ve wanted to eat for a long time. It’s funny how losing the weight has given me that much needed extra perspective to buy the right things and control the portion sizes. I thought the amount of dried pasta that made up a portion was pathetic when I weighed it out but I must say, it was enough. Once it’s cooked and mixed with the veggies and chicken it all adds up.

So I started all this off with ‘where does this leave me with lighterlife?’. Well I’m pleased to say that it leaves me in a position where all I’m using if for is the food packs. I’m going to go back to one soup and one bar a day as the two bars a day theory doesn’t really work in my favour. I don’t see the point in having a cup a soup when I could just have a lighterlife one.  I haven’t had any counselling sessions during RTM but that’s as much to do with me as my LLC and lack of a RTM group. I’m incredibly grateful to LL for what it’s done for me but I do kinda resent paying for it at this point. I still have 3 weeks to pay at £33 before it drops down to £16.50 and one food pack. Part of me wants to start the 16.50 weeks now but another part of me wants to stay the course and continue getting weighed for the next 5 weeks. Hmmmm, I’ll mull it over for a couple of days and see how the land lies……

G

 

P.S. Food plan for today

7am – Porridge with sultanas

11am – Banana

12:30pm – Soup

2pm – Plum

3pm – Peanut bar

4pm- Apple

5pm – Nectarine

7pm- 200g prawns with salad, 2 slices of wholemeal bread & butter

8pm- sugar free jelly with fat free fromage frais

9pm-Cranberry bar

Total calories – 1397

Total Fat – 23g (of which saturates 14g)

Total Carbs – 184g

Carbs are the enemy. Or are they? – RTM week 4 weigh in – Day 168

Well today is my last day of week 4 of route to management and I’ve lost another pound lol. That’s 117lbs total (8 stone 5lbs) and I’m way under my target weight. Now going into week 5 the LL RTM plan say I can add in some other veg (carrots etc) but I’ve already had them lol. As a result of my loss last week I decided to up the calorie intake significantly. At the time I last blogged I was averaging a pathetic 800 calories a day after exercise. I’m pleased to report that I averaged 1100 this week and am about to increase it further to 1200 for week 5. I’m mainly going to do this with porridge in the morning. Now I’m not supposed to be having this level of carbs at this point and I don’t think I’ve even supposed to have any type of cereals until week 9 but I’m not bothered frankly. I think the reason for the late introduction of carbs in RTM is to deal with ‘triggers’ and cravings. Now I certainly have triggers (booze being my biggest one) but I’ve overcome them. I’m so god damned obsessed with counting calories that I feel there’s nothing I can’t add now. So, to that end I’ll be adding 30g of sultanas to my porridge tomorrow and even adding a slice of brown bread with my soup from week 6, and some proper carbs with my evening meals from week 7. On the soup front while I’m here. I’ve actually just had my last ever Lighterlife soup.! From now on I’ll be having two bars a day which is also going to help me with increasing my calories. .  I’m still phasing the carbs though in cos they are quite high in calorie at the end of the day. I don’t think my general approach has changed dramatically from the way I used to look at things pre LL. I’m pretty good during the week and allow myself a bit of free reign at the weekends. I say free reign but it’s nothing awe inspiring. I’m pushing the boat out on Saturday though for valentines. We won’t be going out but once the kids are in bed it’s an Indian take away (the same healthier option I went for 2 weeks ago), a 4 pack of fosters and a bar of bournville. Really looking forward to it. But, like I said, I’m counting the calories which is what I really didn’t do before.

I obviously at ate a hideous diet pre lighterlife as I’m struggling to see where I was getting the extra from. The reason I say this is cos I’ve completed my food plan all the way up to week 9 and it’s still only averaging out at about 1600 calories a day and that’s including some naughty stuff. I guess the exercise is the big change. The couch to 5k plan is going well and I’m past halfway. I can even run for 20 minutes on treadmill non stop. That’s something I thought would have been impossible just a few weeks ago. It really feels good though but I’m trying to make and effort to stick to 3 times a week and not do more. I don’t want to overdo it plus, any extra calories I burn is just gonna make my intake even lower. As I’m significantly upping the carbs this week I’ll be interested to see if there’s any Glycogen still left in my body to be replenished. I know there’s no way I’m putting fat on due to my calorie intake but I do expect to be sitting here this time next week telling you all about my first gain in weight since August 2008. I guess only time will tell. Food is fuel at the end of the day and I think my exercise regime is dictating that I need more of it.

This is all very interesting to me cos I’m surprised how much you can eat for the calories if my mainly stick to natural unprocessed stuff. So much so that I don’t really find myself craving sweets/cake/crisps etc cos I couldn’t eat as much of it. Let me give you an example. This is my meal plan for Friday….

6:00am – Porridge with 30g of Sultanas

7:00am – Nectarine

9:00am – Muller light yoghurt

10:30am-Sharon Fruit

12:00pm-Pear

1:30pm -Cup a soup

3:00pm -Peanut bar

4:30pm – Apple

7:00pm – 150g cottage cheese, 2 slices ham, salad

8:00-pm – Sugar free jelly with fat free fromage frais

9:00pm – Lemon Bar

I mean, that’s a lot of eating! It’s little and often but that suits me down to the ground. So, what’s the total calorie intake of that lot? 1268 calories, 22g of fat (11 saturated). How cool is that! I totally have room in the allowance for some good stuff at the weekend and to increase my intake over time. To put all this in perspective, the average man should eat around 2500 calories a day to maintain his weight. Now that may not be the case for me cos there’s certainly some evidence out there to suggest that people who were once obese have to exercise harder and eat less than someone who has never been overweight but even if I eat 2000 calories a day long term, it’s still a lot more than I’m eating now. I think this numbers approach is really working for me. They never lie at the end of the day and I’ve found myself rejigging what I have the for rest of the week in order to accommodate extras rather than just having it and letting the number creep up. I think that’s a good habit to get into. My very nature dictates that the number can’t pass the target! Well what do you know, my obsessive compulsive disorder is starting to pay off!

G

P.S. Sorry of this update seems a little rushed but I’m run of my feet today!

Calories in Vs Calories out – RTM week 3 weigh in – Day 163

 

My god, how crap am I at keeping this blog up to date lately? I promise you a detailed blog of the Route to Management phase on the Lighterlife plan and I’m barely managing an update a week! Rest assured I’m going to make every effort. I’ve just received my 5000^th hit on the blog so it’s given me some new motivation!

 

Anyway. I had my week 3 RTM weigh in on Wednesday night and lost a pound. That’s 8lbs in RTM so far and an astonishing 116lbs (8 stone 4lbs) overall in just 23 weeks. I’m determined to make this my last loss. My morning true weight currently stands at 13 stone 4lbs which is essentially BMI 25 (25.2 to be exact) and I really don’t want to lose any more weight. If anything, I want to gain some. To this end I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands. I’m still on two lighterlife food packs a day for the next few weeks; I’m going to have two bars a day from week 5. The reason for this is that week 5 (which starts next Thursday) allows me to add low fat soup to the plan. This means I can add a cup a soup or something to replace my lighterlife soup and enjoy the benefit of the extra calories/carbs that two bars a day will give me. During the abstinence phase of Lighterlife it’s very important to be restricted to one bar a day so you don’t come out of ketosis but, as I’m not in ketosis anymore, my LLC agreed that there’s no drama in me having two bars a day. I guess this make life a bit more convenient to as it’s something else to snack on the move. So this is my last week of lighterlife soups. I gotta be honest, I won’t miss em. I will however miss my daily peanut bar when this all comes to an end. In weeks 9-12 of RTM you only have 1 food pack a day and I have a very strong feeling that my daily peanut bar is going to be the one that survives to the bitter end. There is a chocolate and raisin bar that you can have post RTM. I hear they’re pretty orgasmic too.

 

So, how have I been getting on? Good is the short answer but it is quite difficult. Having the fruit in week 3 has taken me out of ketosis and as a result I’m feeling the hunger a lot more now. I’m eating little and often to combat this but my main focus is on calories in and calories out. As I’ve mentioned before I’ve been trying to follow the theory of increasing my calorie intake by 100 a day every week during RTM but, as I’m still losing weight, I’ve decided to modify the plan to my needs. I guess this is the point of RTM. It’s about finding your own way at the end of the day. As a result I’m aiming to average 1100 calories a day in week four and have planned my eating around that figure. I’ve added bananas in a week early and have literally just finished eating my first one in 5 months. Really enjoyed it. I also was a bit naughty and had a couple of drinks last Saturday. Now I’m not really supposed to be doing this until next week but, I thought about it for a while and decided that I just needed to get over myself and do it. I think booze has been playing on my mind cos I really do like a beer. I used to drink quite a lot before I started the plan and haven’t touched a drop since the wedding I went to on the 25^th August last year. As a result I think I was starting to worry about it. So, in my new found approach of tackling this stuff head on, I had a couple. It was fine. I was expecting to be slurring my words etc and feeling quite drunk but I didn’t really. I pleased to say I survived my first alcohol post lighterlife without going off the rails. With that said though, the potential was still there. I did get a taste for it and could quite easily have carried on. I guess the difference now is that I’m far more tuned in to these sorts of feelings and I recognise them before they get a chance to take hold. So that’s another challenge over and done with. The next challenge is the dreaded carbs. Now refined carbs are supposed to be a big no no until the late stages of RTM but my exercise regime is demanding I address this issue head on.

 

Now, the science bit. Let’s talk a bit about glycogen. Your body stores reserves of carbs to use as energy in both your muscles and liver. This reserve takes the form of glycogen. For each glycogen molecule that exists, 4 molecules of water attach themselves to it. This of course adds weight and, depending on your size/age/sex etc, this store can weight anything from 4-10 pounds. This is why you get such fast results in a relatively short space of time on low carb/ketosis based diets like Lighterlife or Atkins etc. The first thing your body will burn for energy are these glycogen stores and, as you’re not replacing them, you lose weight fast. Chances are that the 10lbs I lost in week one of lighterlife was pure glycogen (and it’s associated water). If I’d have come off the plan there and then, I’d have put the 10lbs back on within a week. The obvious benefit of such a development though is that it keeps you motivated. This is why all these diets you see advertised can play on the whole ‘lose half a stone in your first week’ angle etc except you’re not actually losing any fat. Obviously the good news is that anything you lose after that first week or so is fat. Anyway, that’s a very long winded way of saying that when I start eating significant amounts of carbs again, my glycogen levels will refill and I will put on weight. The key word there is weight and not fat. I’m very keen to get these glycogen levels back up asap both in order to help me with my exercise (by having energy reserves in the form of glycogen in my body again) and to finally be in a position to know what my true weight actually is (and give me a target to stick to). As a result I think I’m going to add in some bread (brown whole grain of course) in week 6. There are some concerns with this strategy. Some say that losing more than 10% of your body weight puts the body into a ‘fat saving’ mode so it hangs on to anything it can. Another potential issue is about basic metabolic rate (BMR). Mine is bound to have slowed as a result of being on so few calories but at the end of the day, the maths doesn’t change. For every 3500 calories you eat more than your body needs, you will gain a pound of fat. So we’ve come full circle. Calories in vs. calories out. It’s always boils down to that.

 

My point is that until I have carbs and glycogen back in my every day life, I’m never going to know what my body needs. Sheesh, I’m sure all that was pretty confusing but what I’m aiming to achieve is a healthy balance diet of around 1500 calories a day and happily maintaining at some point in the next 4 weeks. I’m incredibly grateful for the RTM plan for the first few weeks. The structure of adding protein, followed by certain veg, followed by low GI fruit etc has really helped keep me on the straight and narrow in a world full of mind boggling food choices. I’m not going to totally abandon the plan. It’s not like I’m going to finish this post and tuck into a pizza and chunky kitkat but I feel the need to take the bull by the horns, refill my glycogen stores, up my calories, gain a bit of weight and increase my exercise level. I’m sure it’s something I can achieve. I will still follow the guidelines of the plan to a certain extent and the recipes will certainly come in handy but now, for the first time in my life, I feel ready to create a balanced healthy lifestyle for myself and, more importantly, take full responsibility for it.

 

G

 

P.S. Calories in vs. Calories out……………….

Confused? You will be. – Unofficial RTM week 2 weigh in – Day 155

 

Well my friends I’m very sorry for the lack of updates over the last week but there’s been a lot going on. Anyway, weigh in stuff first. As I couldn’t make my official weigh in this week due to the mother in law’s birthday this one is unofficial. I lost another 3lbs in week 2 of route to management. My morning true weight currently stands at 13 stone and 6lbs and a BMI of 25.5. A far cry from the 22 stone I nearly weighed just 22 weeks ago. I’ve been getting more and more comments about me looking a bit skinny but they do tend to come from the same people. I think maybe it says more about them than me but with that said I don’t want to lose any more and I’m sure it’s being said with the best intentions. It doesn’t make it any easier though. The funny thing about this situation is that I feel like I’m eating ALL the time. I’m not sure how I can up the calorie intake to stop the weight loss. I’m hoping it’s all to do with ketosis. As today is day one of week 3 of the Route to Management plan I can now have low GI fruit. It’s quite a long list and includes the likes of apples, pears, nectarines, Sharon fruit and 100% fruit juices along with a loads of others. I would imagine that eating this is going to pull me out of ketosis due to the natural sugar content and therefore out of the fat burning zone. Problem here is that you drop another food pack in week 3 so not only am I trying to up my calories in general, I’ve now lost another 125 a day by losing the shake. I guess one of the problems is that all the foods on the allow list are so low in calorie that I’d have to eat a mountain of stuff. I’m hoping coming out of ketosis will stall my weight loss on it’s own but at the end of the day I’m still only having around 800-850 calories a day and burning 1100 a week on the treadmill. As I don’t know what my current metabolic rate is I have no idea how many calories I’m burning just sitting on my backside either. If all this sounds a tad on the confusing side then let me assure you it’s cos it is! My food diary has been the key though that’s for sure. I’m recording everything I’m eating along with the calorie/fat/carb content etc. I keep telling myself to enjoy eating quite a lot of food for a low amount of calories cos once the more complex carbs/ high GI stuff comes in during the later weeks, it’ll be much easier to up the calorie intake. Also, as the carb intake will be higher too, my body will turn to that for energy before fat. Phew, well that’s the theory anyway. So the theme this week is slight confusion but still on track. I’m confident that I’m following the plan and it’ll even itself out in the end.     

 

I mentioned that I feel like I’m eating all of the time and well, I almost am! Allow me to give you a flavour. This is today’s menu. I’m even adding an egg to up the calories a bit…..

 

7AM – Mandarin Muller light yoghurt with a Sharon fruit

9:30am – peanut bar with coffee

11:30 am – Apple

13:30pm – Mushroom soup

4pm – pear

7pm – Salmon fillet with hard boiled egg and Salad

8pm sugar free jelly with fat free fromage frais.

 

Now that’s quite a lot but it’s still less than 800 calories and only contains 26g of fat (7g saturated). 74g of carbs though so my experience with the Atkins diet tells me that should deffo bring me out of ketosis. With a bit of luck my glycogen stores will begin to refill too now so I’ll start putting a few pounds on and ‘plumping up’ a bit. With that said though, today is treadmill day so my net calorie intake is still only gonna be around 500. I’m reluctant to slow it down though as I’m enjoying the treadmill at the mo. Anyway, also new on the menu this week along with whole eggs, fruit and extra veg is some more protein choices. Most meat types are in now and I’m considering some steak at some point this week. I must admit I’m liking the protein and salad combo I have going on right now in the evenings. I guess it’s with the snacks that I need to be more inventive. A 2 egg omelette with ham and pepper is on the cards at the weekend so I’m looking forward to that for a bit of a change. May even be a rebel and sneak a bit of ketchup too. I’m gonna be adding in a glass of orange juice from tomorrow too. That’s an easy 100 calories right there.

 

So I’ve had a couple of developments that have kept me away from the blog this week, one was about preparation for deviating from the plan and the other was more emotional and an eye opener. Anyway, the practical. I ate in an Indian restaurant last night! This is where I deviated from the plan. I had some off the bone chicken tikka as my protein which was fine but I also had some mushroom and cauliflower side dishes. Now I’m not supposed to be having cooked veg and I’m sure there were some things in the cooking process that I’m not supposed to have either but, as you can tell from my last post, I’m not going to worry about things like that. I’m pleased to say that the meal was really nice. Had my fill, stopped, and was satisfied that I got through the challenge relatively unscathed (apart from some serious wind!). Just goes to show that it can be done and that there ARE relatively healthy options when it comes to a take away.

 

The second challenge was more professional and involved a potential take over/merger of the company I work for. Now I survived a take over about 18 months ago at my last company and it was a very stressful and worrying time. I guess you can see where this is going. Long time readers will know that I’ve just mentioned the two magic words when it comes to the emotional eating side of my weight problems. When I worry, I eat. Well, at least I used to. It was a bit of a wake up call to be honest. I think my overeating demons are always going to be there. God that sounds dramatic. What I mean is that I’m going to need to be conscious of the reasons behind my past over eating cos when all this came to light two days ago, I really wanted to eat. I mean, REALLY wanted to. Anyway, I’m not going to go into it too much but what I can say is that I recognised the trigger and dealt with it head on by going straight for the treadmill when I got home instead of the biscuit tin. Feel the burn! After a workout on there I felt much better. The decisions when it comes the future of the company are certainly not made by me. There’s nothing I can do about to so why worry?

 

So I guess it’s been a week of successes too. I feel particularly educated this week both in the ways of a healthy diet/eating plan and the emotional aspects of comfort eating. Writing this has got me thinking about the situation in more detail actually and to be honest, I’m very happy with the way it went. I think I’ve mentioned before that I can pinpoint the two moments in my past where it all changed. The first was going on a lad’s holiday when I was about 19/20. I was going to the gym every day and feeling good but after that holiday, I never went back. The second was when I stood on those scales and it refused to give me a reading. That was the day I decided to start lighterlife. I think I can now add a 3^rd day to the list. Tuesday. The day I stressed out and didn’t crack. I don’t even want to think about the potential downward spiral if it went the other way.

 

G

 

P.S. I won’t leave it so long before the next update.

 

P.P.S. Note to self: talk about the lighterlife RTM CD in the next post. Cracked me up at the time but the above now makes me think it’s true!

How do you like them Apples? – RTM week 1 weigh in – Day 148

 

So I survived the first week of Route to Management on plan and I even lost 3lbs! That’s now officially 8 stone exactly or 112lbs. That means I’ve now achieved my last two weight loss related targets. My morning ‘true weight’ currently stands a 13 stone and 7lbs. Wait for it. My BMI is 25.6!! 25 something!! WTF?! That’s bordering on ‘Healthy’! I guess an obvious question to those not in the know is ‘why did you still lose weight?’ Well, it’s all about carbs and maths at the end of the day. Although I’ve been eating every day, it’s only been a protein based low carb affair. As a result, my glycogen stores remain depleted and I’m even still in ketosis (the fat burning zone). Also, the maths is pretty straight forward too. Now I’m using the treadmill 3 times a week my net weekly calorie intake is actually less than when I was on full abstinence. I expect this trend to continue next week but in week 3, as fruit comes in. That’s when it’ll be easier (and more convenient) to up my calories.

 

It’s all very strange as, just 5 months after starting; I’m finding myself in an odd position where I don’t want to lose any more weight. How weird. I’m not stressing about it at the mo cos once the trigger foods start coming in to the management phase, my glycogen with refill and I’ll put a few pounds on. It’s all good. I am enjoying being back in the world of food but I have already come to realise that I can’t let my guard down for a moment. Being able to eat again is actually like going back in time a bit in terms of temptation. I’m already finding resisting more difficult than I did when in full abstinence. I suppose this is to be expected as pre management, the situation was much cut and dry, no food at all! Now the little demons on my shoulder are whispering to me again. It’s nothing I can’t handle as I had a lunch out today and stuck to water but it was a good reminder that I need to be mindful. This leads me to let you all know of my general intentions with the Route to Management programme. So far I’ve followed the programme to the letter but this isn’t necessarily my plan long term. I’m not going to shy away from events etc anymore and I’m not going to worry too much if I stray slightly off plan or have something a week early etc. A good example of this is going to be next Wednesday night. I’m going to an Indian restaurant for my mother in law’s birthday. Now before you all sound panic stations, I’m not going to have 6 pints of king cobra and a lamb pasanda. I will stick to the plan as closely as I can. There’ll be no rice, bread or potato involved and I won’t be going for anything with sauce. I guess strictly speaking I will be staying on plan but my overriding point is that I won’t be WORRYING about it. Worry/stress was always one of my major triggers to over eat and I’ve decided to tackle this head on with my approach to route to management. This may sound a little like defeat. Why go through all the abstinence and change now? etc. Well, this is why. It’s time for me to start trusting myself in the world of food. I know the theory; it’s time for the practice. If I have a blip, so be it. I’m still going to follow the structure of management (no fruit until week 3, no triggers until week 8 etc) but it’s time for this diet to stop defining who I am. I need to get away from this mentality of ‘I’ll have a day off’. For me, in the future, I want it to be very much about eating normally after a night out not ‘getting back on plan/track’. What I want to do long term is practice a healthy lifestyle. Long time readers will remember that one of the very first things I learned about my relationship with food was the fact that I had the exception and the rule the wrong way around. The rule was curry, chips and beer and the exception was a salad. This is one of the key things that I’ve changed. I’m so aware of this issue now that I really do think I can handle an ‘exception’ now. I’m conscious that this is sounding like I’m trying to make an excuse for a lapse. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t see such a thing as a ‘lapse’ being possible anymore. Route to Management in unsurprisingly vague about certain aspects of eating (portion size, calories etc) so it’s time for me to take some responsibility too. The introduction of different types of food is certainly a sound approach however and I intend to follow it. These foods have been designed to be introduced at these times to increase my metabolic rate slowly and minimise cravings but worrying whether or not they cooked my mushrooms in butter or oil when we’re out next week is not something I’m prepared to do. I’ve been down that road and I know where it leads me. We’ve come full circle; it’s about carbs and maths. Keep the carbs and numbers in check and everyone’s a winner.

 

Ok, so it’s day one of week 2 today so what does that mean in terms of reality? Well, exciting stuff my friends, that’s what. I get to add some mushrooms, pepper and spring onion to my salad leaves and chicken tonight. Then I even get to eat some sugar free jelly with fromage frais for desert! Oh how the other half live! My diet continues in a similar vein for week two. I’m still having my lighter life bar for breakfast and soup for lunch along with the choc mocha ice shake before bed. I can add a snack of some veg (cucumber. Pepper etc) with some low fat dip but I’m not going to bother. As fruit comes in to the plan in week 3, having a bag of apples/pears in my bottom drawer will be much easier in the office. I have a tin off Tuna on the menu for tomorrow then it’s food shopping on Saturday. I may even push the boat out and go for a bit of quorn! I’ve never had it so I’m curious. Oh I can also have diet/sugar free soft drink and yoghurt now too. I’ll probably stay away from the fizzy drinks but fat free yogurts could be a convenient snack……

 

G

 

P.S. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Apples

We’re going through changes – Day 146

Huzzah! Never fear! I am still alive. I didn’t drop down dead from eating some chicken! It’s just all been a bit manic the last few days. Eating and keeping track of it is hard! Anyway,  I guess the big news is that I’ve eaten several times now. As I mentioned in my last post, the management phase dictates that I have only 1 portion of protein for the first two days. So, Thursday was my last day at work last week but, for various reasons, I ended up working late! As a result my poached chicken had to wait. I guess it had been 4 and a half months so another hour or so wasn’t going to hurt! As Thursday was also my treadmill day I didn’t actually set out to cook it until about quarter to nine. I decided to poach the chicken breast for 20 minutes (about 180 calories worth) in some vegetable stock. Now I wasn’t expecting anything mind blowing but my god it was the best chicken I’ve ever eaten! I know this is going to sound obvious but it was so…..chickeney lol. It was also very filling and I have to say, using a knife and fork for the first time in 4 months was quite the challenge in itself! So my first eating experience went well and I went to bed feeling reasonably full for the first time in ages. On the emotional side of things I felt fine about it. I was worried for a time that there would be some fear or loathing of said chicken breast but to be honest, I think I was so ready to eat and had prepared for it so far in advance that it wasn’t really an issue. Last night for my protein only dinner I had a Salmon fillet steamed in the microwave. Wow is all I can say. It was really tasty. Nicest piece of fish I’ve ever had too. Hmmmmm, does anyone else sense a theme coming through here. I have to be honest though, the salmon didn’t like me very much but all seems to have calmed down now. I guess that’s to be expected. I remember having similar developments in the bowel department when my body was getting used to Lighterlife food packs.  As Saturday was day 3 of RTM, I got to add some salad! So I picked up some ‘mixed baby leaf’ at food shopping and I’m planning to have half a pack (all 8 calories of it lol) with my protein for the foreseeable future. I’ve been adding a squeeze of lemon juice on it too. Ooooooooh, get me.  There are some other salad /veg choices available and I may add some spring onion and cucumber from week 2 but I’m really trying to keep it simple. As for the protein choice over the weekend I had some cottage cheese on Saturday and Fresh prawns on Sunday. All went down well. Last night I was back on the chicken but I poached it with mustard and balsamic vinegar (as suggested in the RTM week 1 book). I guess it did taste a bit but the main difference was the outside of the chicken being a bit yellow lol. Anyway, another Salmon fillet tonight. I’ve had my recommended portion of oily fish already for the week but I have the salmon in the fridge and I need to use it. Salmon is quite high in calories (they’re good calories) so I think only once a week is the way forward. I’m considering some Tuna, Quorn etc in week 2 but I’m not going shopping until Saturday so it’s chicken, cottage cheese etc until then. I’ll cover the extra options in week 2 soon. So, all in all, food is going ok. I was surprised how unsurprised I was by it if that makes any sense. I guess I was more ready for the change than I thought.

My spreadsheet is now a thing of beauty. My meal planner is immense and includes all the fat, carb, sugar etc content of everything I’m eating. Something I’ve had to put some serious thought into is targets for eating. As the RTM books are rather vague on portion sizes etc, I’m going for a calorie based approach. As they also don’t tell you how to up your calorie intake, I’ve done some research and it seems a lot of people take the approach of increasing your calorie intake by 100 a day every week. I’m gonna go with this and see how I get on. So, as I was on 530 calories as day on 4 food packs, I’m increasing this to 630 or 4,410 a week. I’ve overshot this slightly in week one but that’s due to having Salmon twice this week. Also, as I’m now burning over 1000 calories a week on the treadmill, I’m not concerned. Fat content is also something I’m having to take a keen interest in. Apparently no more than 30% of your calorie intake should come from fat and no more than 10% should be saturated. The long and short of it is my max fat intake for week one should be 147g and max saturated fat should be 49g. I’m happy to report that I’m under this! I know this all sounds complicated but I figure it’s best to record as much information as possible in order to understand what is most relevant over time. Phew, that’s enough on that!  

I also had another nice development on the scales this week. I’ve pretty much lost 8 stone now. I mean it’s touch and go but I’m probably only a pound away. As a result I’ve kinda come out of the closet lol. Not that I was particularly in it in the first place as close family, friends and colleagues have been in the know since day one. What I mean are things like that I’ve never told anyone about this blog since I started for example. Anyway, it’s all changed now and I’ve updated my Facebook profile with this web address and new pics to boot. To the outside eye I’m basically telling my achievement to anyone who will listen. This isn’t an attention seeking exercise or fishing for compliments. I just think that the more I get it out there, the more people are aware of how far I’ve come, the more determined I’ll be to keep it off and not go back to my old ways. My wife said to me last night that I should be keeping it off for myself and I am but, I figure every little helps! With all that said, let’s make things clear for any new readers (especially people I know!). I’ve just started eating again and am BELOW my target weight. The extra calories will make me ‘plump up’ a bit and I will put some weight back on. In actual fact, I plan to. I’ve had a couple of people comment that I look ill and lost too much. Whilst I don’t think I look ill, I’ll be quite happy to put half a stone or so on. It’s the reason I got to below my target weight (14 stone 7lbs, currently 13 stone 10). Anyway, I mentioned new pics. My LLC has emailed me all the pics. So here they are. My ultimate before and afters. There’s unlikely to be any other pics of me weighing less than I do here.  So this is after 20 weeks of full abstinence without one single lapse and the better part of 8 stone lighter. The before pics still freak me out.

 

How mad are these pics! Cracks me up. Although the before ones are far from funny if you know what I mean. Anyway, first meeting of the dedicated RTM group tomorrow and weigh in. Check back soon for results!

 

G

 

 

The Route to Management – Week 20 weigh in – Day 141

 

As you know I had my week 20 weigh in last night and my last weigh in of full abstinence. Well the old chestnut happened. Was worrying for nothing again and lost 4lbs. That takes me to a total loss of 109lbs or 7 stone and 11lbs in 20 weeks. Fricking amazing. But, before I go into that, you all know what time it is…. STAT ATTACK!

 

Starting stats.

 

• Weight          305lbs (21 stone 11lbs)
• BMI              41.4
• Body fat        40 something %

 

Measurements (inches)

 

• Chest           51                        
• Waist            55
• Hips             54

 

Current stats

 

• Weight          196lbs (14 stone)
• BMI              26.6
• Body Fat       22%

 

Measurements (inches)

 

• Chest           41
• Waist            39
• Hips             43

 

These stats shock me to the core to be honest. I started this plan on the 27^th of August! Less than 5 months ago! W    T    F?   Anywho, measurements are a real eye opener. I’ve lost a staggering 37 inches in total. 10 from my chest, 16 from my waist and 11 from my hips. I’m wearing a size large top quite comfortably now and the 36inch trousers almost need a belt. I can’t believe I’m almost 8 stone lighter than I was in August. It’s almost too good to be true. I mean, I allowed myself to dream of this sort of loss but I gotta be honest, I didn’t think I’d come this far. This will power and determination has come from somewhere. I guess I always had it but was channelling it into the wrong things. Like how many pints I could drink lol. My LLC asked me to stick around fro the group last night as apparently I have a lot of wisdom to share (her words not mine). There were some new starters there so between photos, sorting forms out, watching a DVD etc there wasn’t much of a ‘session’ anyway.  I did have my end of abstinence photos taken last night too and I’ve asked my counsellor to email me all the pics she has. I’ll post em on here when I get em. My LLC also gave me the ‘My Story’ form to fill out and send to lighterlife for inclusion into the lighterlife magazine. How funny would it be if I got in it! So, my last day of abstinence had a memorable ending. I got home to make my shake and had a slight er…..blender malfunction. The chocolate shake/coffee concoction went everywhere. Let’s just say I was checking the ceiling at one point lol. So, that’s it, abstinence over. Now comes the hard part………..

 

Today is the first day of the Lighterlife Route to Management plan. It’s a 12 week plan designed to help you reintroduce certain types of food at different times. I guess this is also designed to slowly speed up the metabolism and calorie intake. I’m still having food packs but not so many and the cost has started coming down from the £66 a week I was paying during foundation/development phase. The structure/cost is as follows….

 

Week 1-2 – 3 food packs a day £49.50

Week 3-8 – 2 food packs a day £33

Week 9-12 1 food pack a day £16.50

 

After all this is over you can still attend the group regularly for support etc for as long as you like for no charge. My LLC really believes in this as she’s had people coming back who have successfully maintained for quite some time only to lose their way when they stop attending the group. At least once a month was suggested. I’m getting way ahead of myself though.

 

So week one. How does it work? Well, for the first two days of RTM nothing much changes. Oh yeah, apart from EATING FOOD!  As I’ve done 20 whole weeks without eating ANYTHING the first couple of days are actually very limited. I have my 3 food packs as usual but replace the 4^th with a portion of protein only. There’s a list of week 1 friendly protein in the book but I’ve chosen to base my first week around Chicken, Salmon, tinned tuna and Cottage cheese. The order of the day tonight is poached chicken breast. I’m excited. About poached Chicken lol.  Then tomorrow I’m gonna go for a steamed Salmon fillet. From day 3 of week one it gets a bit more interesting with the introduction of limited salad/veggies and dressings. After much consideration I’ve decided that keeping things simple for the first week or two is the way forward. As a result I’m focusing on portion control first and foremost. From day 3 I’m going to add some mixed baby leaf to my protein portion with maybe a few drops of lemon juice. I figure just cos I’m allowed some other stuff that doesn’t mean I HAVE to have it in week one. Once the foods are on the list, they don’t go away. I think it’s far more important to get used to the actual process and routine of eating a meal and getting the size right than variety. Let’s face it, any food is variety at the moment. Week 2 adds some more foods to the list but I’ll go through that at the time. So my first two days of RTM sound like a bit of an anti climax but it’s a necessary slow start to an essential process. I’m certainly going to face some significant challenges with this. Come week 5 an awful lot of stuff is in involving cooking, alcohol etc but I need to take each day/week as it comes.

 

So what’s the deal on the weight front when it comes to RTM? I’ve read conflicting reports. Some say the intention is to finish RTM at the same weight you started it. In theory, I’ll still be in ketosis for the first couple of weeks and should drop more weight (and hit 8 stone lost!) but that will be balanced out by some gains in the later weeks (when your glycogen stores start filling up). Some other say you will eventually put on what you lost in the first week (11lbs in my case). I guess I’ll just have to see how it goes and talk any losses/gains through with my counsellor. I’m certainly not looking forward to my first gain but I have a couple of weeks to get used to the fact that the gains are coming. This is why I decided to do those two extra weeks of abstinence. I’m around half a stone under where I want to maintain. If I can stay here then great but if I put a few lbs on, I’m still at target. The overriding point is that it’s in my hands. I have all the info. I’ve bought the calorie books, portion pots, running machine etc. I know the theory. It’s time for the practice.

 

G

 

P.S. Look out for me posting much more regularly during RTM. I’m gonna need to get my thoughts/experiences down as often as I can. This really is just the start!

 

 

 

I feel like chicken tonight………like chicken tonight………..CHICKEN TONIGHT!!!!!

Unlucky for some – Day 140

 

Morning…. I’m still alive and kicking. Just. I’ve had a manic week at work. My job seems to be like that. Either relatively steady or completely mental. There’s no inbetween. Unfortunately my last week in abstinence has been a bit of a pants one. I’ve had my slowest movement in weight that I can remember this week. I weighed in at 14 stone 4lbs at the weigh in last Tuesday (a day early) and today my scales are saying 13 stone 13lbs in the MORNING! By my reckoning that means I’ve lost about 2 and a half pounds this week. But, as my regular readers will know, I’ve been here before. You just never know what those lighterlife scales are gonna say. I have had a late charge on a Wednesday before. Oh well, we’ll just see what happens. Don’t get me wrong I’m ecstatic that the scales say 13 something. It’s a great feeling when you tick over into another number at the start of your weight but it’s a development my experience told me to expect on Sunday and not weigh in day. With that said though, there are just too many factors to consider. I’ve been getting weighed on Tuesdays for the last couple of weeks instead of Wednesday; my weigh in day home weight was recorded on Wednesday and not Tuesday too. My body just didn’t want to tick over into the thirteen’s. I’ve had this before. How weird that it’s always when you’re about to enter another stone. Anyway, I’ve definitely decided that enough is enough on the abstinence front now. Maybe my weight loss slowing is my body trying to tell me something. I’m definitely going into management tomorrow. My mind is made up. To be honest though some of the things I’ve been doing over the last week could have contributed to my slower loss. I’ve started my exercise plan now and I’ve been drinking coffee with sweetener like it’s going out of fashion (due to the kids being up every night lately). Both of these things could have an affect. Also, you may remember in my last post that I’d forgotten my packs for the day. Well I got home around 6.30 and had 4 packs before bed. I didn’t feel too good after that and actually woke up in the night having a bit of a funny turn. I guess my body isn’t used to 500 calories in such a short space of time these days. So I don’t know if that had an affect on my loss too. Ahhhh whatever, I’m just tired and moaning. The reality is that this kind of situation is why I got to below my target weight before starting the management phase. Smaller or no losses is what I need to expect from now on so maintaining the weight is now the order of the day. I’ve always said that anything between 14 and 14 and a half I’d be happy and I’m at the low end of that  goal right now. My week 20 weigh in is tonight so I’ll be updating tomorrow with the results but I think any sort of loss is a result at this point. I need to keep the faith! I’ll be interested in my ketosis result this week though. I did have a good moment this week too. The woman on reception (who I don’t know) stopped me on my way back from the loo yesterday to grill me about how I’ve lost all the weight. In 20 weeks that’s the first complete stranger who has mentioned it. Felt good.

 

I mentioned in the above that I’ve started my workout regime. Well as most of you know I have a pretty nice treadmill at home. It’s the proform 3.6 and I have to say I’m loving it right now. There’s nothing quite like the high you get after exercise. I really think it could replace my food high. I haven’t really done any exercise up until this point as I didn’t want it to slow my losses down. I also had some concerns about being on so few calories and exercising at the same time. I’ve now thrown caution to the wind and started anyway. I’m currently following the ‘Couch to 5k’ plan. The idea is that it gets you running from nothing to 5km (3 miles) 3 times a week. I’ve added the 5K plan to my super duper Lighterlife tracking spreadsheet and I’ve now completed the first two sessions. It’s a 9 week plan and my current schedule is to run on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. The workouts get tougher as the weeks go on until the final week where you should be able to run 3 miles without resting/walking non stop. I must say, it’s doing the trick. I already feel better, have more energy, and I’m actually looking forward to getting on it again tomorrow. The only thing I have to decide is if I’m ready to up the intensity next week. Although it’s a 9 week plan it’s fully flexible. If I was to repeat the week 1 exercise in week 2, there’s no reason why not. The point is that you don’t over do it. I guess I’ll see how I feel. I’ll keep you updated on how I get on but what I can tell you is that the week 1 intensity with the speeds and incline I’ve chosen burns around 350 calories in half an hour. That’s 1050 calories a week. Not bad for a start. So, as I’ve decided that Saturdays will be my day off exercise for the week (due to the missus working all day and me having the kids) I needed to find something to fill Tuesdays. Wednesdays and Fridays. I figured I need to go for the old toning action. I have an ab toner which I’m going to use on those days along with starting another plan. The 100 push up plan! This is a real challenge for me cos I’ve never been able to do push ups. A real gymhead once told me that nothing tones the body like resistance training (using your body weight instead of equipment). That’s stuff like crunches, pull ups, push ups etc. Anyway, I’m going to give the plan a go and see how I get on. There are various levels based on initial ability so I’m sure I’ll be in push up city before too long. I think I may spend half an hour on the wife’s trampette on those days too just to get a bit of aerobics action going on those days. Ultimately I want to cycle to the station on the days I’m not running but I’m gonna leave that for a bit. It’s too damn cold and I need to tone up some of this skin! I really noticed it yesterday when I was doing my stretches after the treadmill. It doesn’t look too bad in general but it really notice in certain positions. I’m sure things will improve in that area with time. Anyway, 17 weeks until my holiday. I wanna be the same weight and have a decent level of fitness by then. It’s my next big goal.

 

SO, a fairly quick update today but as always I want to get any moaning out of the way before the weigh in tonight. I’ll be back tomorrow to update you on the final stats in the abstinence period and take you through the first week of the route to management stage. I’ve been so busy focusing on the scales and exercise this week that I haven’t had to time to think about the fact that I’m gonna be eating…….TOMORROW!!!

 

G

 

P.S. After my unplanned ‘reveal’ in the pub a couple of weeks ago, a friend who was there is starting the lighterlife plan! I’ll let you know how he gets on.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step – Day 134

 

Hi all. Well I started to write a review of the blog so far and the Highs and lows I’ve experienced along the way during my Lighterlife journey but I’ve now decided against doing it in the way I originally wanted to. There’s just far too much content that the post would be a monster! Anyway, What I have done as part of the process is read this blog from the start again. Over 50 posts and nearly 50,000 words! So get comfortable and let me tell you a story. A story about change, about challenges and most of all, about how I’m feeling right now. Over 7 and a half stone lighter and a million times happier……………

 

Some of the early posts shocked me a fair bit. Especially the one about the food I was planning to eat on my final week blowout before starting. It really hit home what a fat slob I actually was and how much denial I was in. I’m ashamed of it. I said that I was at the time but I am even more so now. Unfortunately I’ve always been one of those people who thinks they are smaller than they actually are but my before pics really brought me down to earth. I’d been considering Lighterlife for a few months before I actually took the plunge mainly cos I have an obsessive need to research everything and, what with the meeting new people, GP and the cost, I was putting it off. I think I’ve mentioned before about the awful morning when I stood on my scales and they wouldn’t give me a reading (they go up to 22 stone). That’s the day I decided to change my life and start the plan. It’s a great feeling to know the exact time and place that you decide something like that. I still can’t quite believe I’m sitting here typing this being right on the verge of 13 stone something!

 

One theme that came through though during my reading of this blog (So far! It’s not going anywhere!) is that I’ve learned a lot about myself on the way. I was a big time drinker and now if I’m honest, it doesn’t bother me at all. There was even some suggestion that I liked it a little too much but I don’t think there was a ‘problem’ there at all. I think I was just in an unhappy spiral with my weight and everything else that a few beers made me feel better. I still maintain though that the easiest way to give up drinking is to give up eating!! I’ve learned that major eating triggers for me are worry, stress and boredom. I know that’s far from a unique list but the fact of the matter is that I’ve been stressed, worried and bored at various points throughout this diet and I haven’t lapsed. It proves that it can be done! I’ve also learned that people (ie me) really do have the capacity to do things they never thought possible. I have found this willpower from somewhere and it’s not something I’m going to give up lightly. I’ve also learned how good ‘doing’ feels. I certainly talk a good talk when it comes to making changes etc but I was all mouth and no action. It’s something that’s blindingly obvious to me now but wasn’t at the time.

 

So, let’s step it up a gear. What’s changed? What kind of things can I do now that couldn’t do before? Well I have a new found confidence. Anyone who knows me probably wouldn’t put the word ‘shy’ in a list of things to describe my character but I am. I have never been keen on meeting new people for example and I would always hold back from saying what I wanted to say. Believe me when I say I never related these sorts of things to my weight and my appearance but I do now. When I meet new people now I don’t think that they’re looking at me funny etc. It’s quite amusing actually. We have a new bloke starting on our team next week that I’ve never met and the thought of meeting someone who’s only ever known me at 14 stone blows my mind! I do tend to speak up more now too. I guess I always thought that if I said something someone disagreed with they’d be saying in their head, ‘well, don’t listed to him, he’s fat anyway’. I know that’s probably way off the mark but that’s how I felt! So how about the practical things? I ran for the train last night and it didn’t take me until half the way home to recover. On the public transport front I do fit in plane/Train/Bus seats a lot better than before. With that said though, one thing that hasn’t changed it my height. I’m sure they design these seats for short people. They think they’re doing themselves a favour by cramming 6 seats into an area but in reality, only 4 people sit there cos the seats are too small/cramped! I’m firmly of the opinion that less is more but anyway, I digress…. Hmmm, what else? Let’s not forget the bedroom. I won’t go into too much detail on that front but it’s soooooooo much better for all involved (at least that’s what she tells me lol). I guess a lot of this kind of stuff relates to the whole ‘head catching up with your body’ issue. I never used to put much stock in it but I do now! I remember a few posts ago wondering if a ladder would take my weight. I also nearly killed myself getting the Christmas decs out of the loft cos I don’t have the strength/counter weight that I used to have. Ho hum, I guess it’s gonna take some time. Another positive is that I find myself actually looking forward to the summer. As a big bloke I used to hate hot weather but I could really do with some now. It means I’m actually looking forward to our summer (well, May) holiday to turkey with the family. Something I can also entertain on holiday is swimming. I’ve never been a fan of the whole ‘shirts off’ look on hols anyway but there’s no way you would have caught me dead with my moobs out in public! Something I don’t tell people though is that I love swimming. Always have but I haven’t done it for years. This leads to something else I’m truly ashamed of. My kids have never been swimming! One’s 3 and a half and the other is 18 months. It’s something I’m determined to resolve BEFORE we go on holiday. I’m gonna get down the pool with them as soon as we have a freeish weekend. Another big plus of course is clothes. One of my big goals throughout all this has been to be able to buy off the rack but I never thought I’d get to where I am now. I can now actually go into any shop and buy something. It’s such a great feeling. I guess the downside is that I’m now a pretty popular size so quite often, they don’t have it! It’s something I’m willing to accept though lol.

 

I’ve also come through some big challenges during my time on abstinence. There was the big family party on day 3 when I was going through the worst of the withdrawal symptoms. I had two work conferences in Dublin and Brighton in the space of a month along with being ill, loads of work do’s and, lets not forget, the mother of all food and drink related challenges, Christmas. I’m so happy to be able to stand here with a clear conscience and say I succeeded in all those challenges without lapsing. I never thought I would. I’ve come so close on so many occasions but came back from the brink just in time. I really don’t know if I’d have the strength to get back on plan after a lapse so I have nothing but respect for the people that do manage to do that. I’d even planned to eat at Christmas until about 3 weeks before the event. I’d always planned it that way since before I started the programme but, one thing led to another and I powered through. It was hard. The hardest of all the challenges I’ve faced in fact but it was definitely worth it. I needed to succeed in this one last big challenge (especially this close to goal) in order to convince myself that I have changed for the better and for good. Let’s not forget too that if any event has the ability to derail something like Lighterlife big time then Christmas is it!

 

As you may have gathered, being in my last week of abstinence has made me somewhat nostalgic. It’s not that I’ll miss it but the enthusiasm of the new January starters on the message boards is infectious. It’s all so exciting at first when you have that great feeling of finally DOING something about what’s been dominating your life for years. I hope they all succeed I really do. Talking of succeeding I’ve had quite a few people ask me what my secret is. Well, there isn’t one. Any long time reader will know that all I’ve done is followed the plan. That’s it. Just follow the plan to the letter and you WILL lose significant weight. How you go about achieving that is up to you but extreme willpower, determination and as many goals as you can think of is a fantastic place to start in my opinion.

 

With all that said, I’m far from at the end. I’m merely at a crossroad. I’ve got one final week of abstinence to get through and, as I’ve said for quite a while, the hard part is coming. Reintroducing food and educating myself in the ways of a healthy diet are going to probably be the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I’m not underestimating the challenge. Maybe Christmas isn’t the mother of all food related challenges after all……

 

G

 

My god I’ve just read all that back. Well done for getting through it. Sorry if some of it sounds a bit preachy, it’s not intentional.

No rest for the wicked – Week 19 weigh in – Day 133

 

Hi Guys. Very, very, very quick post today as I’m running out of time! Well today it finally happened. After 133 days on Lighterlife I forgot my food packs. So it’s quarter past 5 in the evening and I haven’t yet eaten a thing. I basically missed my peanut bar this morning and my lunchtime soup. I don’t feel too bad but could have done without it to be honest.

 

Anyway, the good news. I picked up my Route to Management books last night! I also decided to get weighed in the process. I’m pleased to say it’s another 5lbs off in week 19 which takes me to a total loss of 7 and a half stone exactly (105lbs). As a result I also hit another couple of goals. To have an evening BMI of less than 27.5 (halfway between ‘healthy’ and ‘overweight’) and to weigh 200lbs or less. Just 1 more pound and I’ve lost 35% of my starting body weight!

 

I’ll round this off as I always do with my morning ‘true’ weight which stands at 14 stone. Not bad considering I weighed 21 and a half just 4 months ago!

 

Anyway, that’s it! There are some much longer updates in the pipeline but, as I had some weigh in news, I thought I’d just post that for now. I’m a busy bee reading my management books so I’ll fill you all in very soon.

 

Bye!

 

G

The deep breath before the plunge…..Again – Day 131

 

Happy New Year! It’s 2009 and I survived the whole of the holiday period on plan. Our New years eve was a bit pants in the end though cos the kids fell asleep before we could go out. It’s not all bad though, got to see in the New Year in the bath with the missus (ooer). That’s another plus point you see, with our new bathroom and my new size, we can both fit in it! It’s not quite the Jacuzzi we had in our Mexico hotel room during our honeymoon but it’s better than nothing. As most of you know I’m now into my last full week of abstinence on the lighterlife plan. Next Thursday I start the route to management phase of the diet. I’ll go into that in much more detail when the time comes. I don’t think there are enough detailed lighterlife blogs out there anyway, especially ones dealing with RTM and maintenance long term so don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere! As I’m doing another 2 week stint for my last period of hardcore abstaining, I’m going to give my LLC (Lighterlife counsellor) a call to see if I can get my RTM (Route to Management) books and bumf a week early. It’s not good getting it at 10:30pm the day before I’m starting. I need some time to plan and prepare!

 

It’s strange in a way that this period feels very much like when I first started this blog with 8 days to go. It’s like the calm before the storm or (for all you Lord of the Rings fans out there) ‘The Deep breath before the plunge’ as I named my previous post on the subject many moons ago. I’m actually feeling very excited about the RTM phase now. As you may have gathered over the last few posts, I’d been to and fro about carrying on for a bit but I definitely think enough is enough now. Anyway, I’m going to go off on a tangent for a sec. I’m trying to plan my posts a bit more and at the end of the last one I promised to cover some specific topics. I’m sure there are some new starters reading this that would like some kind of specific comments as opposed to my normal rambling style lol. I won’t be doing that today but I just want to get them down in black and white so I don’t forget. I’m going to do a review of the blog with some favourite/least favourite posts along with highs and lows of my time in full abstinence. I’m going to cover my weekly losses in a bit more detail all in one place and talk in detail about Route to Management, what’s involved, what I can/can’t eat etc. I also have a couple of specific exercise plans I want to start which I’ll take you through and I’m going to finish each post with what I’ve eaten that day along with Calorie values and calories burned through certain types of exercise. Well, that’s all the posts I intend to make in the short term anyway…… Most importantly I’m going to need to seriously consider goals for the management phase. I have an ultimate goal already. To be the weight I am now or less this time next year. What I need to do is work on the mini goals between now and then so I can make sure that happens!

 

Hmmmmmmm, what else can I cover in this strange no man’s land between Hardcore and RTM?………. Oh yes, I hate this time of year. Ironically a lot of people start the New Year with a resolution to lose weight etc but I find this time of year particularly depressing. It’s cold, dark and boring. It’s the first full week back at work for a while and there are sweets and stuff left over from Christmas that everyone wants to avoid. To me the night before the first full week at work after Christmas always feels like when you were on your last day of the school holidays lol. It wouldn’t surprise me if I’ve put more weight on during Jan/Feb than I have over Christmas during my fat time. One thing I do have to look forward to is my holiday though (hmmmm, deffo could be goals relating to that) to Turkey on the 11^th of May. I’ll be completely finished RTM by then too! On another positive note, I’ve had some very good comments over the last few days. We went to my sister in laws for dinner on Saturday and we (me and my 3 year old son) made a big chocolate cake to take for desert. Anyway there was a woman there who I’d never met and (during the cake scoffing) my sister in law was telling her that I’d made the cake but I wasn’t have any cos I was on a diet. Well this woman looked me up and down and said she couldn’t believe I was on a diet and that I didn’t need to be etc, etc. It’s nice to get an honest first impression from someone you don’t know. The second instance turned into a bit of a ‘reveal’ albeit unintentional. It was one of my friend’s birthdays yesterday and he was down the pub celebrating. I spoke to his missus on the phone and he said he was with his dad and my other friend. Now I’ve seen all 3 of these reasonably frequently so it wasn’t a big deal. Anyway, when I walked in there were about 10 people I knew that I hadn’t seen since I started lighterlife. It was a really funny reaction. I think people just couldn’t believe it. I guess it helped that I was actually wearing clothes that fit me! As uncomfortable as close scrutiny makes me feel, it felt great to receive so many compliments and such a short space of time. Oh I’ve just thought of another one. I saw my next door neighbour on Saturday too and if you can believe it, I haven’t seen him either. I see his wife all the time though. I think he does shift work or something…. Anyway, he was very surprised to and started grilling me about the plan (he wants to lose a couple of stone). So, all good news on the compliment front.

 

There are some negatives sides to all this though. My LLC said to me in one of the early weeks that the compliments are great but you shouldn’t rely on them. They WILL dry up eventually then, the pressure’s on. It could even go the other way with people commenting on me putting weight on. That’s one of the reasons why I tell pretty much everyone I meet that I’m quite happy to put a stone or so back on lol. I guess the possibility of failure is always there. People are a strange bunch. They love an underdog and are rooting for you to succeed while doing something so hard but then, just as easily, they love a good old fall from grace and adopting an ‘I told you so’ attitude. This isn’t helped by the amount of comments you read about LL failures. Something I’ve read countless times is ‘Once he/she started eating normally again, they put it all back on’. I take some heart in the vague nature of the word ‘normally’ in that sentence though. It could mean so many different things. Here are the facts. If I eat/drink like I used to, I will put it all back on and a lot quicker too. My metabolism has slowed to a crawl due to lack of calories. I need to speed it up slowly (hence the RTM phase) and if I don’t exercise regularly, I’ll put it back on. The next few months are going to be absolutely crucial. I’ve said before that the hard part is coming but now I’m staring it in the face, I truly understand that abstaining is the easy part of the this crazy adventure. I need to stay the course and build up my metabolic rate and exercise slowly in order to maintain long term. I WILL succeed!

 

As I love my film references, Finding Nemo springs to mind. ‘I haven’t come this far to be breakfast!’

 

G

100lbs lost! – Week 17 & 18 Weigh in – Day 127

 

Well my dear friends, I did it. I’ve hit my final major target on schedule and have lost 100lbs exactly! As you know I had my Week 17 & 18 weigh in last night a day early and I’m pleased to report I lost 9lbs in the two weeks over the Christmas period. So, big target reached. It’s that time again. STAT ATTACK!

 

Starting stats on 27 August 2008

• Weight – 305lbs/21 stone 11lbs
• BMI – 41.4 – Morbidly Obese
• Body Fat – 38%

 

Current stats on 30^th December 2008

• Weight – 205lbs/14 stone 9lbs
• BMI – 27.8 – Overweight
• Body Fat – 24%

 

Sheesh. When I look at it like that in black and white is almost unbelievable. That’s 100 bags of sugar! I can’t believe I used to carry that around with me! Oh another piece of good news is that my morning true weight gives me a BMI of 27.4, closer to healthy than obese! As you know I don’t normally dwell on targets achieved but this is essentially my last big goal. This right now is where I want to end up after the management phase. With that said though, I do have some more mini goals to hit. I’m going to carry on abstaining for another 2 weeks and go into the Route to Management programme on week 21. Anything I lose between now and then is a bonus and essentially a buffer. In other words, weight I can afford to put back on. I think it’s important to get to below where you want to end up just to give a slight comfort zone. Getting a healthy balance right is going to be very hard and I’m sure I won’t succeed at it without a bit of practice. With that said, here are the final 4 of my 20 (yes, 20) goals.

 

• BMI 27.5 – 2lbs to go
• 200lbs dead – 5lbs to go
• 35% of original body weight – 6lbs to go
• 8 stone lost – 12lbs to go

 

To be honest 8 stone lost is only there cos it’s a milestone. I think I will achieve all of the others in the next two weeks but the last may need to wait until week 1 of management. Then after that I’ll be putting back on. I feel pretty confident I’ll be able to say I lost 8 stone on Lighterlife at some point though but I’m not putting any pressure on myself to do it. I decided to do another 2 weeks again last night so my next official weigh in is on Wednesday the 14^th January and will be the last of the abstinence phase. That’s when the hard part will start. Eating again! Eeeek! I’m kind of excited about it. One thing I’m glad I’ve made a conscious effort to do over the course of abstinence is to maintain a relationship with food. I’ve still been doing food shopping, cooking, entertaining etc so I don’t have a love/hate relationship with it. I’m really looking forward to trying new things and cooking from scratch. It really is a fresh start.

 

Anyway, back to the celebration. 100lbs is 18 weeks is so much more than I expected. I mean, I always hoped to lose this amount of weight before the end of the year but I certainly had my doubts about it. As I do love my stats I thought’s you be interested to know that 100lbs in 126 days is an average weight loss of…….

 

• 0.7lbs a day
• 5.5lbs a week
• 25lbs a month

 

My BMI has dropped by 13.6 and my body fat has dropped by 14%. I’ve drunk over 570 litres of water, Tea and coffee and consumed a staggering 504 food packs at a cost of over £1000. If I focus on the cost for a mo, each pound has cost me a shocking £11.80 and each stone has cost £170! I know those numbers are scary but I’m sitting here telling you that’s it’s been worth every penny and I’d do it all again.

 

I had a good chat with my LLC last night as I was the only one there at the time and she seemed really impressed with how I’d done. Especially over Christmas. I can only imagine that quite a few people that show their face at this time of year have gained. Anyway, she asked me if I minded her using my before and after pics (she’s taking some more when I finish abstinence) in her ad in the local paper! And encouraged me to send in ‘my story’ for consideration to be included in the Lighterlife magazine. Lol, get me. Another thing she asked me to do is what I was most pleased about. She wants me to come in and talk about goals to her new starters in January. Setting goals has really worked for me so if I can spend some time just going through what I did with some new starters I think I’d really enjoy it.

 

I’m sort of rushing this post out as it’s new years eve and I need to do some stuff. I’ll be posting much more over the next couple of weeks covering topics like things that are much easier now, highs and lows, the new exercise regime and some of my top tips when starting the programme.

 

Tune in soon!

 

G

 

P.S. I know my measurements are missing. They’re every 4 weeks so I’ll have some new ones on the 14^th.

 

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger – Day 124

 

Where do I start? Christmas is over and I survived……just! I’m very happy to report that I remained completely abstinent over the Christmas period. I have to say though that it was hard going. I actually had two moments where I decided to chuck the towel in and eat/drink for the day but I came back from the brink! It didn’t help that I’ve had a bit of a slow week weight loss wise. I really could have done with one of those rare bumper losses to see me through. Anyway, let’s get comfortable and I’ll tell you a Christmas story……

 

As you know I was off work on Christmas Eve so we spent most of the day preparing for our guests. This mainly involved housework. After the place was cleaned top to bottom we sat down with the kids to make our mince pies. They were a Jamie Oliver special involving all sorts, Chestnuts, Cranberries, two different types of pastry etc. They came out really well and by all accounts tasted great. I quite like cooking actually. It’s something I really want to get into when I’m eating again. I guess a big advantage of cooking from scratch means you know everything that’s gone into it. The evening came around pretty quick and we had the in laws over, brother in law and his wife and sister in law and her husband (and two kids). The place was like a zoo! We exchanged presents and had a take away. Indian cuisine was the weapon of choice and I milled around the kitchen cleaning up while they were chowing down. I actually think it’s the first time a take away like that has been in my house since I started. I was quite lucky as it goes cos I’ve had a blocked up nose all over Christmas so I couldn’t smell anything anyway. I was also right about being the host. I spent most of the time getting people drinks, washing up or clearing wrapping paper so I didn’t really get the chance to miss the food and booze. It was actually quite nice by the end of the night when they couldn’t move and felt really uncomfortable cos I felt fine! So, Christmas Eve ended with us putting the kid’s presents out (along with a Mince pie for Santa and Carrot for the reindeer) and going to bed. Day one of the 4 day Christmas challenge completed without a hitch.

 

So, Christmas day. The kids opened their presents in about 5 minutes and the house looked like a bomb site before we knew it. My 3 year old was most impressed that the mince pie was gone and the carrot had a bite out of it (Thanks Granddad) and Christmas was off to a good start. This is where it started going downhill. Although we weren’t seeing anyone on Christmas day, it didn’t quite pan out like that. I put my Turkey in the oven (we were having it cold on Boxing Day) and then proceeded to get bored. This is the point where I started trying to justify myself eating. I was going back and forth for hours. I knew some Turkey wouldn’t hurt as it’s protein. It wouldn’t take me out of ketosis etc. To top it all off, the turkey came out bloody fantastic. How typical. It wasn’t in the least bit dry and looked really inviting. I actually pulled a bit off and was about to eat it. That’s how close I got to lapsing. I resisted and started to think about what I was doing. I was actually bored, not hungry. I’ve mentioned before how boredom is a major trigger for me. I guess it had something to do with all the excitement of the morning being out of the way (whoever designed the packaging for kids’ toys should be fired) coupled with the fact that we didn’t have anything planned for the rest of the day just made me want to eat. It was a wake up call in the end and I’m very pleased I recognised the reasons for me wanting to eat before I started ploughing into the Roses tin. This realisation improved my resolve no end. It was no longer about depravation. It was about the principle! Stuff the Turkey (lol), Ketosis, lapsing etc. This was about the challenge! The mother of all food related challenges!!! So we did end up visiting some family in the evening and, as I was driving, there was no danger of a celebratory drink etc. I haven’t gone into that much detail of the thought process etc but what I will say is that after all the challenges I’ve faced on this diet, Christmas day was by far the hardest of them all. I had a feeling it would be but I didn’t think it would be as hard as it was. I got through it though and felt like I achieved something along the way. 2 days down, 2 to go!

 

Boxing Day was actually the one I was dreading the most from and eating/drinking point of view. We had a load of family over all day for Cold meats, mash, pickles and a buffet style dinner in the evening. With this one I was just like Christmas Eve but on turbo speed! I put the blinkers on in the morning and just powered through. There was soooooo much temptation everywhere but I just busied myself with various tasks just to get though it. Turns out there was plenty to do. Ironically, keeping myself busy in the kitchen keeps my mind of eating. How weird is that! There was also another load of present giving and it seems taking things out of boxes and sorting out the rubbish is almost of a full time job over Christmas! The evening didn’t last anywhere near as long as I thought it would. It seems everyone had over done it a bit during the previous two days so they were all sitting on the sofas looking ready for bed at about 7pm! It was handy in that it finished early but not so handy cos I now have a load of food/drink in the house that we don’t need! Day 3 was done and I was on the home stretch!

 

Saturday wasn’t necessarily a day I was worried about. My sister came to visit with her husband and they were quite shocked when they saw me. Thing is, it wasn’t that long ago that they came to visit. About a month I think. Anyway, she said that although I looked like I’d lost a lot of weight last time, this time I look really different. Hmmmm, maybe it was the new T Shirt I got for Christmas. She bought me a T-shirt too actually so I now have 5 in my collection that fit! On the food front I was just trying to get rid of stuff so it was turkey sandwiches all round and left over buffet. Day 4 of the challenge was complete. I’d survived it! I was very pleased that I got through it but disappointed that I’d underestimated the challenge. That’s something I need to keep in mind when I’m back on the food!

 

So with all that said my Christmas on the whole was a pretty sober and disappointing affair. I just wanted to get through it to be honest. I hate to say that I was wishing it away but that’s the reality. I’ve always said that if there’s a time to over indulge then Christmas is it. It’s not that I’ve been a complete scrooge or anything but I’ve haven’t really got into it this year. As a result I have one definite aim for the future. To make Christmas 2009 the best Christmas my family has ever had!

 

That’s me done boring you about Christmas. So how have I done on the weight front? As you remember I decided to do a two week stint as I didn’t want to go to a pop in on the day before Christmas Eve so I don’t really know what the weight situation is on the lighterlife scales. What I can tell you however is that on the morning of my last weigh in (on the 17^th of December) I was 15 stone 1lb and this morning, I was 14 stone 8lbs. That’s a loss of 7lbs and I still have two days to go before my official weigh in day (Wednesday). Unfortunately, as it’s new years eve on Wednesday, weigh in is tomorrow. This is annoying me as I tend to have a late charge on a Wednesday. By my counting I’m only 3lbs off my big 100lbs lost target and I wanted to hit it this week. Still, as I always say, you just never know until you get on those scales. 14 stone 9lbs on the lighter life scales tomorrow and I’ve hit the big one but to be honest, I’ll be happy with hitting 7 stone lost (98lbs). Should do it with a bit of luck. Oh my BMI is now currently 27.7 in the morning. Almost closer to healthy than obese! Looking past that goal for a moment I now have just 2 weeks of abstinence left as I plan to go into the route to management phase on the 15^th of January (week 21). I just want to lose as much poundage as I can in those two weeks. I should be into the thirteen’s then. I will probably only be there for about a week (once my glycogen stores have filled up) but that’s not the point lol!

 

As most of you know my next big goal is to get fit. Well, as you’re all aware by now, I never dwell once I’ve completed a challenge/target I was on the treadmill bright and early on Boxing Day morning! It felt quite good and I burned over 400 calories! I think I over did it a bit to be honest as I did feel a bit light headed after but it didn’t stop me doing the same the following day! I had a day off Yesterday but plan to get back on it tonight. I’m in two minds to be honest. I wasn’t planning on starting any sort of structured exercise routine until I was on food again but, as I could now get to the treadmill (as all the presents have gone) I was curious to see how it felt. The last time I used it I was over 21 stone. Now I’m not saying it was easy but it was a lot easier than back then. I think I might enjoy this you know. Swimming is something I’m going to look into as well. I do ache a bit today though….. Anyway, the main reason I didn’t really want to excurses is that I didn’t want to build up muscle and slow my weight loss down. I still might leave it for these two weeks to be honest. I’ve been losing around 5lbs a week pretty consistently for the last month or so and another 10lbs in these last two weeks of abstinence would be fantastic.  

 

Ok I’m back. You don’t know this but I’ve been gone for about 3 hours. I hit the sales yesterday/today and bought some stuff. I can’t generally be doing with sales. I don’t like to rummage. I’d rather pay full price and not feel like I’m in a rugby scrum thank you very much. Anyway, yesterday I went in River Island and bought a rather fetching man bag. I’ve decided I need a bag cos the amount of stuff I carry in my suit is ridiculous. As I’m planning on new suits that actually fit my body, I don’t want to knacker them out by filling the pockets up with crap that can now go in my man bag. I also want to get into reading again on the train. I generally watch video on my iphone but I miss a good book. Anyway, I digress. I bought a pair of jeans in River Island! I still can’t believe I bought an item of clothing from RI. Wait for it. The best part is coming. They’re a size 34 waist! I only tried them on for a laugh just to see if they would fit. I personally thought they were too tight but a quick check with the missus and I was at the till. We all know jeans stretch as you wear them anyway. I also bought a couple of tops and some combats out of Next (in the sale. Bargains, all of em) and they were a 34 too! I have some ‘Muffin Top’ issues but it’s skin not fat. I’m sure they’ll subside with time. The missus says you can’t really see it anyway. So today I went out to M&S to check out the suits. I always buy my suits from there as they’re quite good value and you can mix and match the sizes with Jackets and trousers. It was mobbed cos there was a sale on but I finally managed to find one in the right sizes. I decided to try on the 34 inch trousers and I got them on but they hurt! I mean actual pain on my hip bones! So I went for the 36. I haven’t tried them on but suits to stretch out with wear. I also went for a 42” chest Jacket. The one I’m currently wearing is a 46 and miles too big. So this is all a far cry from the 50” jacket and 46” trousers that were too tight before I started lighterlife. I’m sure the new suit as a whole is a little bit snug but I’m hoping to be at least another 10lbs lighter in a couple of weeks. By that time it should be fine. I also bought another belt as both of mine are too big. The suit was in the sale. I paid £130 quid for it. Not bad considering it was originally over £200. I still need to get another one and some more work shirts but I’ll take each day as it comes. I also popped into Next on the way back and picked up a cardi in the sale. Only a tenner. Everyone’s a winner!

 

Jeeez, this is one long post but there’s a lot to cover! Hmmmm, what else……. Oh I’ve now mastered the art of the crisp type thing out of my soups. It’s nice to have a bit of crunch. I’m also quite into coffee now too. That reminds me; I put ice into my snake over the weekend before I blended it. It certainly adds another dimension. Even if it did give me an ice headache…….

 

Weigh in tomorrow. Check back soon for results!

 

G

 

P.S. I almost forgot. My cooking obsession continues. Made a Turkey and Leek pie yesterday out of the leftovers. Another Jamie Oliver special lol.

 

P.P.S Thanks to everyone who is commenting. Some great tips and compliments!

A picture says a thousand words – Day 117

It’s only 2 days……it’s only 2 days……..it’s only 2 days……….

Hullo! We I survived not going on the work Christmas do. They all had stinking hangovers on Friday so I felt sufficiently superior. It’s the whole company do tomorrow night which I’m not going to either. I can’t say I’m particularly heart broken about that. It’s a black tie affair and really not my thing. I’m glad to be out of it.

 

I’m pleased to report that I am indeed 14 stone something in the morning now. 14 stone 13lbs to be precise. Just 8lbs to go before I reach the 100lbs target. I seem to be having a slow week this week which isn’t ideal considering it’s Christmas. I could do with a bit of a boost but I’ll reserve judgement until weigh in day (Wednesday). I won’t be getting weighed this week anyway as it’s Christmas Eve so with a bit of luck I’ll have a late charge and reach the target by New Year. This past weekend was a bit of a struggle but the weekends generally are these days, especially at this time of year. I don’t think it helps that I struggle with my water intake during the weekend. I do make my quota but it’s not a steady as I’d like. I guess it’s not hunger but thirst I spose. Whatever, it doesn’t help.

 

So, you all know what I do when I struggle? That’s right, I hit the wardrobe! I’m sort of pleased to say that I have even less stuff that fits me now lol.  With that said though, every cloud has a silver lining. The ‘goal outfit’ shirt fits me quite nice so at least I have something to wear on New Years Eve. I May need to pick up a new pair of jeans though as mine are a bit big now. I’ve also changed my combats. I took the old pair back that I mentioned in another post cos they were a bit short. I thought it was a result as they’d gone in the sale. £10 cheaper but, you guessed it; they didn’t have a long leg! So I changed it for another pair and it’s nice to have something that finally fits well. I wore them down to my Nan’s this weekend in Brighton. I haven’t seen her since I started the programme and she seemed suitably impressed. You know how old people are though. She was too busy telling me about all the trouble she’s had etc lol.

 

Anyway, as this week was week 16 I decided to get the missus to take some pics. The last set was on week 8. Anyway, without further a do, the moment you’ve all been waiting for (lol). I think first I should explain the t-shirt although any long time reader will already know the story. I’m a big American football fan so I decided to buy a New York Giants t-shirt from eBay. Well, although it’s supposed to be a XXL, the bloody thing was like a wetsuit! I would never wear something this tight in public but, as it was the smallest item on clothing I owned, I thought it would make a funny before pic. So, before pics were taken on the 26^th of august at over 21 and a half stone. The afters were this past weekend (week 16) at 14 stone 13 lbs. 

 

   

 

 

I remember saying to my wife that even though I was on lighterlife, I didn’t think I would ever be able to wear that t-shirt in public. Well I’m pleased to say that this week, I did! To be honest, those before pics freak me out. I never thought I was that big. The pics of me without a top on are even more shocking but I can assure you’ll they’ll never see the light of day. The above pics should be all the motivation I need to get through Christmas on the plan and keep the weight off for good.

I’ve had quite a few people say that it’s time to stop. I find this quite amusing as all these people are slimmer than I am now! I don’t quite understand why they say it. Anyway, something else I get asked a lot is if I feel better or if I notice it. I never really put much thought it in as I still feel like a big person in a funny sort of way. Even now I forget sometimes and am a bit surprised when I catch myself in the mirror. So I’ve been thinking about it more over the weekend. I do feel so much better.  I was helping the missus wrap the kids crimbo presents over the weekend and just very simple things like getting on the floor an wrapping presents are so much easier. I run up stairs now and don’t even think about it whereas before I would be pooped out by the time I got to the top. Driving the car is easier, playing with the kids, travelling on public transport. The list is endless. Everything is just easier.

 

My wife and I are getting on a lot better too (in all departments!) It’s not that we were having serious problems or anything but it was getting worse and I think my weight was the catalyst. She says I’m generally happier and more chatty now. She also said to me yesterday that she can’t believe how much she fancy’s me now! I gotta be honest, after all the compliments I’ve received over the last few months, that’s the one I wanted to hear the most. As much as people say that this is your journey and you need to do it for yourself, it’s not true it my case. Well it is, but I was in second place. My Wife and kids are the real reason I started this in the first place. I haven’t told her and probably never will but the difference Lighterlife has made to my life is enormous. I know there have been some negative press articles about the plan in recent weeks but just look at the above pics and read this paragraph! Yes, it is extreme and yes, I’m sure it’s not the healthiest way to lose significant weight but I would definitely do it all again. This plan works! With all that said, there is always the possibility that I could put a load of weight back on, but the point is that’s in MY hands. If I put weight on, it will be MY fault. I’ve been handed a chance by lighterlife to change my lifestyle for the better. Only I can make that happen. They help as much as the can (with the management phase and reintroduction of food) but it’s my responsibility at the end of the day.

 

God, listen to me. I’m talking like I’ve finished! I still have 3 and a half weeks of abstinence to go then the real hard work starts. The reintroduction of food! Anyway, focus on the here and now. It’s two days until Christmas and the biggest food challenge of my life so far. There’s no way I’m cracking now. Never surrender!

 

G

The nightmare before Christmas – Week 16 weigh in – Day 113

 

I’m glad to say that normal service has resumed. I lost 5lbs in week 16! That takes me to a total of 91lbs or 6 and a half stone exactly. I’ve very pleased with that especially as my target loss was 6 stone by next week! Anywho, I’m also now into single digits ‘to go’. I need to lose another 9lbs to reach the 100lbs lost target. I’d like to hit it by New Year if I can. As I said before, I decided to do a two week stint last night so my next weigh in is Tuesday the 30^th December (week 18) as the Wednesday is New Years Eve. I’m glad I made that decision cos I didn’t have any counselling last night either. You may remember last week that I didn’t stick around as it was just me and one other bloke? Well, when I got there last night, that same bloke was leaving with his packs and I was the only one there! My LLC was in the other room with the women’s group (also numbering about 2) so I got weighed with the locum and collected my packs before legging it. I’m not bothered about not having the sessions but where on earth is the rest of the group?! I can’t believe they’ve all just upped and jacked it in. Maybe they’re popping in at different times. It’s a busy time of year after all. Well, at the end of the day, what they do is up to them. It’s not going to affect my weight loss.

 

As this week was week 16, that means blood pressure and measurements. I’m planning on this being my last BP check as it takes me up to week 20 weigh in which is when I’m going to start the management phase (you don’t need to have your BP checked on Management). There’s a small chemists near where I have my meetings that will do it for free but I always feel bad as there’s never anyone in there. I normally buy something before I leave (even if I don’t need it lol) but as he was finishing my BP check, another customer walked in. I think he was so excited to have more than one person in the shop at the same time he basically threw me out lol. Anyway, BP was fine and I’m very glad I don’t have to go through it again. It’s so hard to find a little place like that which will do it no questions asked that there has always been this worry that they will just refuse to do it one day. Although I should reach my target in the next two weeks, I’m going to carry on abstaining for the two weeks after that. Should give me a bit of contingency. In theory, I could be around 20lbs lighter in 4 weeks time but I’m not adding it as an official goal. 100lbs is the end game and anything on top of that is a bonus. Oh, where was I? Oh yeah. Measurements. My chest measurement pretty much stayed the same. I’m not surprised by this as I’ve always suffered with moobs. I guess that’s an area I’m really going to need to focus on when the toning starts. I dropped another inch of the hips but the waist is really confusing. I must admit, my trousers/jeans do feel a bit looser over the last couple of weeks but according to last night, I’d lost another 4 inches. I think maybe the prior measurement was wrong. Anyway, this one is definitely right as we checked it 3 times. So that’s a total of 28 inches all over. 8 from my chest, 8 from my hips and a fantastic 12 inches from my waist. That’s a whole foot! Amazing.

 

Oh and just to round this all out, my morning weight stands at 15 stone 1lb. Just two pounds to go and I’ll tick over to the fourteens. I can’t weight for that. Whilst I may tick over into the thirteen’s at some point in this crazy adventure, 14 something is where I want to end up successfully maintaining. Less than 14st 7lbs to be precise.

 

I guess the elephant in the room I’ve avoided up until now in this post is Christmas. It’s coming up fast isn’t it? Well some long time readers may remember many moons ago before I started the plan that I was going to eat two meals over the Christmas period. I’m obviously not going to now but one of them was Christmas dinner and the other one was my work Christmas lunch/afternoon/evening wipeout. Well, that do starts today at 1 o’clock and I’m pleased to report I’m not going! It gets even better; my boss felt bad so is letting me have Christmas Eve off! Got to be happy with that. I’m sorry to be missing out cos it’s a really good do (at least it was last year) but it just makes sense to stay away. It’s not the sort of thing you go to and not eat or drink. So, I get to have Christmas Eve off with the kids but that’s going to be a challenge in itself. That’s the day when we make Mince pies/cakes/sausage rolls etc in preparation for the entertaining we’re doing. As I’ve said all along though, I like to be around food. I don’t want to end up with that love/hate relationship with it so I think it’s good to expose myself to it. I also still watch a hell of a lot of cooking programmes. I’ve bought the turkey and will be cooking the missus a dinner at Christmas whether she wants me to or not. I also have to do the big Christmas shop this week so we have plenty in for the hoards of the wife’s family that will be descending on our house on both Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.

 

With all that said, I must admit that I’m struggling with lighterlife at the moment. It’s not a show stopper kind of struggle or anything but it is getting worse. I think it’s just a combination of what I’ve achieved so far, Christmas, and being so close to my goal. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to abstain over the Christmas period but I think I may have under estimated it. Although food isn’t the be all and end all what I do like about Christmas is that kind of guiltless feeling. It’s two days of the year where you just throw caution the wind and eat and drink whatever the hell you like. I must admit that’s something I don’t intend on changing. I will change my lifestyle, I will maintain my weight, I will get fit but, by god I’m gonna go for it on Christmas  day and boxing day 2009. If I can be sitting here this time next year at the weight I’m happy with I can truly enjoy a guiltless Christmas for the first time. I’m looking forward to it already! I know this is rewarding with food and that’s a big no no blah blah blah but I don’t care. I plan to eat, drink and be merry next year. For 2 days only!

 

Anyway, that’s a whole year away. FOCUS ON THE HERE AND NOW! It’s only 2 days, It’s only 2 days, it’s only 2 days, it’s only 2 days…………

 

G

 

P.S. Christmas wrapping tonight. I’ve been trying to get out of it but the missus isn’t having any of it!

Deck the Halls – Day 110

 

Seriously, WTF is going on with clothes sizes in this country? Not long before I started LL at nearly 22 stone, I had a couple of shirts from Burton’s that still fitted me in size xxl. I went in there at the weekend and tried on a jumper and it fitted but was a little tighter than I’d like. Yep, you guessed it. Size xxl. Now I appreciate that every shop is different and you can’t compare a shirt to a jumper but it’s the same freaking shop! How on earth can you lose 6 stone and still be the same size?!?! Phew. I’m glad I got that off my chest. Anyway, the reality of course is that I’m not the same size at all. It’s just the inconsistency that drives me crazy. This shouldn’t come as a surprise as I’ve been hearing this from the wife whilst waiting outside countless changing rooms for years. Only now do I really understand what she was going on about. I didn’t buy said jumper in the end. Partly on principle and party cos my moobs were a shocker. I’m quite paranoid about them now. Although I’ve lost a lot of weight, it’s certainly all gone south. The more I lose the worse my loose skin problem becomes. I’m not stressing about it too much as it’s gonna take some time to shrink and, let’s face it, it’s not like I’ve been taking part in a strenuous workout/toning regime over the last 4 months. I’m looking forward to working on that as I think it’s making me bigger than I am if that makes sense? What I did buy however is a pair of black combat in a size 36 inch waist no less. They were a bit snug but I’m still losing and it’s the sort of material that will stretch out with wear. I was in two minds about them then the missus said the magic word. She said they were very slimming. The sentence was barely out of her mouth and I was at the counter. I’m taking em back though. In the euphoria of getting into a size 36 and the missus saying they were slimming I completely forgot to check out the length. They’re a tad short. I bought a regular length but I think I need a long. They do a good job of holding me in though but I can still ‘untuck’ the belly skin and it’s pretty shocking. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not THAT bad but bad enough to consider getting the ab toner out…..

 

Oh this was happening on Saturday by the way. I’m feeling pretty knackered today as we’ve had a busy weekend. Getting the Christmas decs out of the loft was a er….. interesting experience but I do fit up there quite a bit easier now. The advantage comes at a price. I’m actually somewhat of a weed now lol. I was always the one people used to phone to help move/lift stuff but I struggle now. It’s weird cos I go into this kind of thing with confidence then end up putting my back out! You may remember me moaning about carrying my son around on my shoulders a few weeks ago. Well, I still do it when shopping to keep him out of mischief but it’s even harder now. When I think that I’ve lost over two and a half times what he weighs now (he’s nearly 4) it blows my mind. Didn’t do my back much good though. The weekend rounded off yesterday with me getting out of a trip to my in laws cos my youngest was ill. A couple of hours with the Playstation (LittleBigPlanet is fantastic! Even the missus played for a bit and she HATES games.) while the baby was having a nap was just what the doctor ordered.

 

On the diet front the scales are going down albeit a bit slower this week. I guess that’s to be expected. I had 5 weeks losing 5lbs or more in a row so it’s bound to slow down a bit. You know what I always say though. You never know until you get on those scales. Anyway, morning ‘true weight’ is now 15 stone 3lbs (BMI 28.9). The reason I snuck my BMI in there is cos at my current weight, I wouldn’t be able to do Lighterlife as a new starter! You have to have a BMI of 29 or over and 3 stone to lose!  

 

I mentioned in my last post about doing two weeks this week. I think that’s what I’m gonna do. As next Wednesday is Christmas Eve, my LLC is moving our weigh in to the Tuesday. I don’t think I’m gonna bother. I’m going to pay for 2 weeks worth of packs on Wednesday and power through crimbo. That means my next weigh in (after this week) will be Tuesday the 30^th December (also a day early). That’s when I’m hoping to hit my major target of 100lbs lost. I’m seriously considering carrying on abstaining for 2 weeks into January now though. As this week is week 16, I’m due a blood pressure and measurement check. As I’m not due again until week 20, I might carry on until then. I won’t need to have the week 20 BP check done if I’m going into Management on week 21 as it’s no longer necessary to have it done once you’re eating again. If I stop on the 31^st it’s almost like wasting 2 weeks of hassle free abstinance. With a bit of luck though, I will reach my target on the 30^th so anything I lose in those extra two weeks is bonus weight and a bit more contingency for life post Lighterlife.

 

On the food pack front I’ve found a new breakfast. Peanut bar dunked in hot black coffee is verging on orgasmic! I’m also getting quite good at making ‘crisps’. I’m still having most of my soups as soups but the ‘crisps’ do add something different. Chicken or Thai Chilli make the best ones. Baking parchment is the key to success though. I’m going to need stuff like this for over Christmas as I’ve just found out that most of the wife’s family are now coming over on Christmas Eve as well as Boxing Day. To be honest though, I don’t mind. I find that when you’re hosting you’re far too busy to enjoy yourself anyway. I keep telling myself it’s just 3 days. I CAN survive it. There’s no point kidding myself that they’re just the same as any other 3 days cos they aren’t. I’ve been used to 28 years of letting go for those 3 days and this year I’ve got to be super disciplined. I’m not worried about lapsing. It’s just not going to happen but I don’t want to be too miserable either. I’m sure I’ll be fine. As with every year, it’ll be over before I know it.  Then I have to deal with New Year lol!

 

I finally got the hair cut from the wife that I’d been badly in need of for about 2 weeks (she’s always busy this time of year) and she did say that my hair felt thinner. I was expecting it to be honest as some hair loss is quite a well documented side effect of the Lighterlife programme. It doesn’t help that there’s a spotlight in the ceiling above my bathroom mirror so it makes it look worse than it is. I’m sure it’ll be fine though. If worse comes to the worst, I’ll have a number 2 all over. I think I may be slim enough to pull it off now rather than looking like a bowling ball!

 

I must say, I’m really looking forward to this weekend. If past experience is anything to go by, at some point on Saturday or Sunday the scales will begin with the 14 and I’ll only have single digits to go before I reach target. That should be just the boost I need to get through the festive period intact.

 

G

6 of one, half a dozen of the other – Week 15 weigh in – Day 106

 

Well, Wednesday the 10^th of December is going to go down as a day to remember. I had my week 15 weigh in last night and lost another 3.5lbs. Whilst that’s the lowest weekly loss since I started the lighterlife plan (probably due to being weighed earlier in the day last week) it still pushed me over the top of two very big targets. I’ve now lost over 6 stone and have a BMI of less than 30. So I’m now officially ‘overweight’. Regular readers will remember that I hit BMI 30 in the morning a week or so ago but it’s nice to hit the target at lighterlife too. So, big targets mean……. Stat attack!

 

Starting stats on the 27^th august 2008

 

·         Weight 305lbs (21 stone 11lbs)

·         BMI 41.4

·         Body Fat 38%

 

Current stats on 10^th December 2008 (week 15)

 

• Weight 219lbs (15 stone 9lbs)
• BMI 29.7
• Body fat 23%

 

That’s a staggering 6 stone 2lbs loss and almost 12 BMI points! Just to round this all out, my morning ‘true weight’ stands at 15 stone 5 lbs (BMI 29.2). On the body fat front, I’m not entirely sure my starting one is right as I’m doing it from memory. I was very surprised at 23% though. Anyway, for my age and height, anything under 20% is considered healthy. 4% to go!

 

To lose 6 stone has always been my big pre Christmas target and I’ve smashed it with 2 weeks to go! The ultimate goal of 100lbs lost is now well and truly in sight. I have exactly 1 stone (14lbs) to go. I’d love to hit it at New Year in 3 weeks time. More than doable I think. With that said though, my stats will be slightly off over crimbo. My lighterlife counsellor has decided to move our meeting to the Tuesdays before Christmas Eve and New Years Eve. A full day early. To be honest, I’m considering doing 2 weeks from next week to get me through Christmas and not go to another weigh in until Tuesday the 30^th December or go the day before Christmas Eve and power through New Year. Hmmmm, I’ll have a think about it. Anyway, back to targets. No time to dwell. More targets on the horizon! Another 5.5lbs will mean I’ve lost 30% of my original body weight and another 6.5 after that is a 7 stone loss. Full steam ahead! Oh and not to mention that if I love over 5lbs my scales in the morning will begin with a 14!!

 

Had a bit of a result with the group last night. There was just me and one other there when I got there. I don’t know where everyone was and when I asked my LLC she said ‘You tell me’. I told her that I wasn’t bothered about staying. She normally wants to push on anyway of there aren’t that many of us but, as it was only two, she left it up to us. Talk about a no brainer! So I was out an hour earlier than normal. As next week is week 16, I have another blood pressure check due. It may even be my last one as I will start management before the next one is due on the 14^th Jan (week 20). I should also be having some more measurements done next week. I don’t know to what extent I’ve changed size over the last 4 weeks to be honest. I mean, I’ve lost over a stone since week 12 but there’s an awful lost of toning that needs doing! I’ll also get the missus to take some more pics in week 16 as the last lot were week 8. Who knows, I may even post em. A nice Christmas present for you…. NOT!

 

TFI Friday tomorrow. The week seems to have dragged big time for some reason. With that said though, can you believe that 2 weeks today is Christmas day?! Where the hell has 2008 gone? I can’t believe it! We have a hectic weekend as always with last minute Christmas stuff to get. I’ve also got to put the decs up as we’re visiting my Nan in Brighton next Sunday. We only really have Sundays to do this stuff as the wife works on Saturdays. We’re going to a birthday party on Saturday night where I’ll be seeing quite a few people that I haven’t seen since I started. I know this is going to make me sound like a woman but I have nothing to wear! This is my current wardrobe. 1 work suit, 4 work shirts, 3 t-shirts and a pair of jeans. How pathetic is that! I can’t wear one of my old tent shirts cos then I won’t look any different! Stress! I also need to do my Christmas food shop as it goes. Got to get the turkey in for the family on Christmas day and leftovers on Boxing Day. I’m kinda glad we’re hosting on Boxing Day to be honest. I’ll be running around making sure everyone has what they need all day. I also expect to spend most of Christmas day putting together kids toys and sticking stickers on em! Like I’ve said before though, it’s only 2 days. I’m sure I can do it. I take that back, I will do it. There is honestly no doubt in my mind. Will I struggle more than usual? Probably but it won’t make me crack. I’ve come too far! I’m far too set in my ways lol.

 

G

 

P.S. I almost forgot, thanks to everyone who has commented on the blog. I really appreciate them. Special mention to Kurt who commented in my last post and called me an inspiration! Thanks Kurt, I really appreciate that. Anyway, he’s started up his own lighterlife blog here. Check it out!

You never get a second chance at a first impression – Day 103

 

//Deep breath. God I feel better now. Had a big presentation to do this morning. Not many people (about 15) but they were the 15 most senior people in the company. I’ve been stressing about it big time but it’s over and done with now. Seems to have gone ok and I’ve got some positive feedback so far. This situation has further confirmed that worry/stress is my key trigger. I really struggled on the plan yesterday mainly cos I was worrying about today. I’m gonna need to figure out a way to address this in the future. I think I’ll use the treadmill upstairs to get my buzz instead of a mars bar! I’m pleased to report though that I didn’t crack and what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger!

 

I think I’m going to hit the 6 stone lost this week but I’m preparing myself for my lowest loss so far due to being weighed earlier in the day last week. That’s ok though. As long as I lose at least another 2lbs this week, I’ll hit the 6 stone. Long time readers will remember me saying that I’m not a fan of ‘cooking’ the lighterlife food packs as it’s not really abstaining from food. With that said though, I’m so bored of the stuff that I decided to have a go at the ‘crisps’ this weekend. I know I’m not practising what I preached but I think my last post summed up how I’m feeling when it comes to abstinence. I think I’ve got as much out of it as I can so now I need some variety. Anyway, had a go at the Thai Chilli crisps and I broke a plate lol! Obviously went into the microwave too long. The crisp looked like a disaster so I made a soup up with the rest of the pack. That was a shame cos the crisp actually cooled and came out quite well. It’s not earth shattering or anything but it did provide a bit of much needed variety. I’ve also put a spoonful of coffee into my cold chocolate shakes and that’s not bad either. It’s no Starbucks Frappuchino but what do you expect?

 

As this weekend was a struggle, I went back to the wardrobe. This is a regular occurrence for me as it makes me feel much better when I put on some of my old clothes. I look stupid though but there you go. The outfit I thought I’d never fit into now fits ok. If anything, the jeans are a bit big. Also, the skin tight T-shirt I bought off eBay last year (that is supposed to be a xxl) is almost to the point where I could actually wear it in public. That’s good news as I have about 3 t-shirts that fit me and I have strict instructions not to buy anymore before Christmas. I also bought a new work shirt to check out the size and I comfortably fit a 16.5 neck (I used to be an 18). To be honest, a 16 would be better around the neck but I need the extra chest room due to man boob issues lol.

 

Other developments. I have the new car and very nice it is too. I dropped my iphone on the driveway and cracked the hell out if the glass screen. I have an appointment at the Apple store tonight to get it fixed. I’m not a happy bunny about that at all. Our Christmas shopping is finished and I have NO holiday left at work! Oh well. I was always pulling Christmas duty anyway as I had it off last year (so to speak lol) and I guess it’s only another 3 weeks and get a new lot of holiday. I need to be more disciplined with it next year though but I say that every year!

 

So now this presentation is out of the way I can focus on other things and actually start looking forward to Christmas. The kids are at good ages for it now so it should be good times all round. 17lbs to go before I can eat!

 

G

100 days of Lighterlife – Week 14 weigh in – Day 100

 

Although my week 14 weigh in was on Wednesday I decided to delay the post an extra day as today is my one hundredth day on Lighterlife! One HUNDRED days! Jeez, when I say it like that it seems ages. I guess its gone quick but there have certainly been some dragging weeks. Anyway, on to the good stuff. I didn’t attend my counselling session this week as both the kids have been ill and I needed to be at home. As a result, I got weighed a little earlier with less water in me. I lost an excellent 5.5lbs in week 14. That’s a total of 82.5lbs or 5 stone 12.5lbs in 14 weeks and just a couple of pounds away from a 6 stone loss! Just 17.5lbs to go before I hit my target of 100lbs lost (7stone 2)! As I was weighed earlier than normal I’m expecting a slightly lower loss next week. That’s ok though. At least I know why.

 

I was also correct in that my previous post was indeed my last as an obese person. Although my lighterlife weight gives me a BMI of 30.2 my morning weight of 15 stone 9lbs gives me a BMI on 29.7. Woohoo! I’m in the twenties! It all seems a bit weird. I really remember sitting here reading other people’s blogs and looking at their progress and finding it very difficult to even dream of getting there. Before I know it, I’m one of those people. Any regular readers will remember that my ambitious goal of losing 6 stone before Christmas should be smashed next week! A full 2 weeks early! I’m basically looking at another 4 weeks of abstinence before I start the management programme. With that said though, when I get through Christmas without deviating from the plan, I may just carry on for a couple of weeks into January. My current strategy is to build in plenty of contingency. The more the better to be honest. I’d like to end up after all this is finished as 14 stone something. Being 13 something going into management should make that end goal easier as I believe you still lose a few pounds and the first 2-3 weeks of the management programme.

 

I’ve found that my attitude has changed over the last week or two whereas before I was quite apprehensive about going back into the world of food, I’m actually quite excited about it now. Whilst I do feel I’ve got something out of the counselling provided by lighterlife, I think I’ve got as much as I’m going to. Don’t get me wrong, I like getting together with the other chaps and the group sessions do motivate me but the only reason I’m still abstaining from food is to lose a bit more weight. I think I’m on top of my ‘issues’. With that said though, I stand by the Christmas challenge. If I can get through that, I can get through anything. Christmas also has the potential to derail me big time. I guess it would be like an alcoholic giving up drink then going to a wine tasting evening (or something like that lol). It’s just not worth the risk. Next Christmas I’ll have the better part of a years worth of successful maintaining behind me so I’ll be able to afford a bit of extravagance for a day or two.

 

So, on the target front it all seems to be coming together quite nicely. With 4 weigh ins left in 2008 I have 17.5lbs to go which requires and average loss of 4.4lbs. Fingers crossed I should hit it. Mini goals are progressing quite nicely too. 6 stone is the obvious next one which I should hit next week along with a lighterlife BMI of less than 30 and, if I have a good week, I may weigh less than 100KG too (I already do in the morning). So, if I do hit all those next week, I just have 3 targets left. 30% of my original body weight (91.5lbs), 7 stone lost (98lbs) and the big one (100lbs lost).  I should be due some more measurements in a couple of weeks too and I’m going to take some week 16 pics. I have week 0 and 8 pics so it seems to make sense to take some in week 16. Don’t worry, I will post them one day!

 

So, onwards and upwards. I finally feel like I’m on the home stretch. Then I get to eat a bit of skinless chicken breast lol.

 

G

 

The end of an era – Day 96

 

If you can believe it, I’m ill……..again! So much for dodging the bullet with the tonsillitis. I well and truly have it now. Anyway, had a days holiday off work on Friday as the missus needed to help her Nan move house and she needed someone to have the kids. Went to the car dealers first thing and made a pretty good deal on a new car. All the paperwork is going through the motions as we speak so I should be picking it up on Friday. It’s a silver Ford Focus and like a luxury limo when compared to what we’re used to. Really looking forward to getting it but I’m already paranoid about scratching/denting it etc. I guess it’s always like that with a brand new car. I’m sure the novelty will wear off pretty quickly. It’s quite funny really as one of the reasons for us buying our current car was my size. When we had the second baby, it became a tight squeeze so we had to change it. Needless to say I don’t require quite as much room as I did before so we can afford to have a slightly smaller car now. Keeping the new machine in tip top shape is going to be the hard part. I’ve already stated the whole, no food, drink, sweets etc in the new car thing but the reality is that I only drive it weekends. What the missus does in it with the kids god only knows…..

 

Well, on to lighterlife. The weekend went ok. Pretty usual to be honest. I’m glad to see that the scales are moving and have been for most of the week. This is quite a departure from last week where it felt like all my loss happened on the day of weigh in. Anyway, you’ve read before that I use my LighterLife weight as a method of tracking lbs lost but my morning weight is what I consider my ‘true weight’. I can be quite confident in my morning weight too as I know my scales are pretty much in line with the LL ones. Anyway, I’m into the fifteens! I weighed in at 15 stone 12lbs this morning. It’s always a great feeling when you just tick over to the scales starting with a different number. It also makes me feel like I’m on the home straight. Even though I have around 20lbs to go, I know that first number is only going to change one more time. 14 stone 9lbs is my target (at LL) and 14 stone 5 at home. That’s 7 stone 2 lost or 100lbs exactly. Anyway, back to my current weight. There is currently a bigger milestone at stake. I’m posting today cos I feel I’m about to become a new person. At 15st 12lbs my BMI stands at 30.1 or ‘Obese’. One more pound and my BMI will just tick over to 30. That’s in the ‘overweight’ category! I remember posting a while ago that being ‘overweight’ was a big target for me and that it sounds like a strange thing to aim for but I’m finally here. I know it’s only a number but you have no idea how much I’ve been longing to shed this ‘obese’ label. I am promising myself that when I do shed that tag; I’ll NEVER be obese again. I’ll probably never hit the ‘healthy’ BMI of 25 but, depending on what you read, the healthy range can go as high as 28. That’s certainly doable cos a 100lb loss gives me a BMI of 27.3 and if I can stay there, I’ll be well and truly be happy. I think breaking that psychological barrier from obese to overweight is going to feel quite strange. I think I’ll actually start to feel like one of the crowd. I don’t know how commonplace a BMI of 25 or under is but I’m willing to bet there are more people out there with a BMI between 25 and 30.

 

I was just saying to the wife last night that my head still hasn’t caught up with my body. I’m clearly a lot smaller as all sorts of people are noticing now and seeming quite surprised when I say I’ve got a little way to go yet. I guess I’ve always had that niggling feeling of being obese in the back of my mind. When people have commented on how much I’ve lost I would still say something along the lines of ‘yeah but I’m still classed as obese’ etc. I don’t think ‘yeah but I’m still classed as overweight’ is going to have the same impact lol. I guess the response I’d get would be along the lines of ‘Who isn’t!?’. I do wonder if there’s anything I can do to address this situation as I still feel big. I think it’s just time to be honest. 3 months is such a short amount of time to lose so much weight that it’s bound to take my mind a while to catch up. I know big people reading this will understand but I still find myself looking at seats etc and wondering if I’ll fit. I had to go into the wife’s Nan’s loft the other day and spend 5 minutes wondering if the ladder would take my weight. There are countless things like that that you just do as a big person on complete autopilot. Like the other day, my dad is a big bloke and I was in an oversize shop getting him some clobber for Christmas and I was talking to the wife and saying some stuff about big people. Things like us preferring stuff in Black and wanting stuff to be lose etc. It was only when I was getting a funny look from the bloke behind the counter that I realised what I was doing. I was being quite insulting. Even though I was talking about myself! What am I supposed to do? Be like Monica out of friends, go up to the guy and tell him I used to be fat? One of the things that big people retain the right to do is the take the piss out of themselves and others on weight related issues. I don’t think I can get away with that for much longer and it’s a really strange feeling. Hiding behind humour when it comes to weight issues is how I’ve survived over the last ten years. It seems that now I’m more likely to get a punch in the nose! This makes me wonder if I’ll always be a big person at heart. When I think of the future I hate to think that a really big person might look at me or hear something I’m saying and think that I just don’t understand or never will. Does that make sense? I think I maybe need to get some T shirts made or something……

 

So with a bit of luck this will be my last post as an obese person. God, when I say it like that it almost brings a tear to my eye.

 

G

 

P.S. You know me though. Full speed to the fourteens!

Keep the faith – Week 13 weigh in – Day 92

 

I told you didn’t I? You just never know until you get on those scales. My body obviously had a late charge yesterday and I’m very happy to report that I posted another 5lb loss last night. That take me to a total of 77lbs or 5 and a half stone exactly in 13 weeks. So, after the extreme lows of yesterday, I’m now on a high. Talk about a complete turn around! I’ve decided that I need to keep a positive mental attitude that’s definitely been lacking in the last couple of weeks. This diet really does work! I now have 23lbs to go before I hit the target of 100lbs lost and moving on to the Route to Management phase (and food!). I’d like to hit that target in 5 weeks but, as my week 18 weigh in is actually on New Years Eve, I guess I need to be prepared to abstain for another week. That’s not all bad though. It’s a bit more weight off after all. I’m not sure I want to start the management phase without the counselling sessions. As my weigh in is on a Wednesday, I can only assume that the sessions will be cancelled on both Christmas and new years eve (both Wednesdays) so it looks like I’m going to really have to go it alone over Christmas. Probably 3 weeks without a session. Hmmmm, that’s going to be interesting. I’ve been thinking about Christmas again actually and my strategy for powering through. As I had Christmas off last year, I’m working this year. Obviously I get Christmas day/Boxing day off but I’ll be working Christmas Eve and then straight back to the office on the 29^th. This is handy because it essentially means I just have to get through those two days. Christmas day itself should be fairly easy as we’re having it on our own this year. When it comes to food, it should be no different from any other Sunday. It’ll be a bit of a challenge when we go to the in laws in the evening but I guess I’ll be the designated driver. Boxing Day is going to be the challenging day I suppose as I have the wife’s family coming over all day. There will be an awful lot of eating and drinking going on that’s for sure. I guess I just need to busy myself when it comes to being the host and just get through the day. I know in theory it’s just the same as any other day like I just said but the reality is somewhat different. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll get through it. I said a couple of posts ago that it’s my last big challenge before starting to reintroduce food and I’m determined to succeed. I’ve really dug my heals in on Lighterlife for some reason. I’ve never been like this with anything else. I guess I’m going by the ‘go all the way or don’t go at all’ principle. I don’t even like turkey that much lol. I am a big fan of mince pies and cream though. Oh well, maybe next year.  

 

We started a new module last night (you start one every 4 weeks) and the first activity is always about goals. The two goals me and the guy next to me decided to focus on were fitness and changing our lifestyle. The fitness one is my main goal for early next year. The main reason I’m not doing much exercise right now is that I don’t want it to slow my weight loss down and I also don’t feel physically up to it. I’ve always been fully focused on dropping the weight first then working on fitness later. I have been relatively in shape before and at one point (in my early twenties) I was down the gym almost every day but I wasn’t fit. Then I went on holiday with the lads to Tenerife and never went back. It’s strange now I think of it that I can pinpoint the exact moment that it all went wrong. I thought about it a lot and I really don’t understand why. I guess it’s like most things, it just snowballed. Anyway, on the lifestyle change front, I find it interesting how focused and determined you are whilst on the plan but I can imagine that it gets that much harder when you’re back in the world of food. I am firmly of the opinion that people who have successfully completed lighterlife only to put most of their weight back on haven’t successfully changed their lifestyle. I’m not saying it’s easy. We’re all fairly educated people after all. We know the theory. I know that if I go out on the beer 4 times a week and eat nothing but sandwiches and takeaways, I’ll put on weight but it’s that creeping thing that worries me. Just a little here and a little there and before you know it, you’re 22 stone and miserable again. The reason I mention all this is because part of the exercise was to rate how confident you feel of achieving your goal on a scale of 1-10 and how necessary it was. I rated my goal(s) as a 10 for necessary as I really believe I won’t be able to maintain my weight without a fitness routine and lifestyle change. However, I only rated my confidence at 7. I know this sounds a bit defeatist and, whilst being on the plan I do feel more confident than a 7 but, I just won’t know how I’m going to cope back in the world of food until I’m in it. I’m sure that with every successful month of maintenance of my weight my confidence level will increase. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see!

 

Anyway, that’s a challenge for the future. I need to get my mind back on the here and now and focus! I forgot to mention in all that talk about goals that I actually hit another mini goal last night. I’ve now lost 77lbs but 76lbs is 25% of my starting body weight. That’s a quarter of me gone for good! Next target is a biggy and one I won’t hit for another couple of weeks. A 6 stone loss and a BMI of 30 (overweight). I’ll be so happy when I hit it. It was my first major goal, to lose 6 stone by Christmas and no longer be classed as ‘obese’. Just 7lbs to go! All going to plan I should hit that on the 10^th of December. A whole 2 weeks early! After last week though, I won’t count my chickens before they’ve hatched!

 

I’ve got a reasonably quiet weekend planned. Going to look as some cars on Saturday morning then the wife is off to help with her Nan’s house move so I have the kids for the afternoon. Then Sunday we may well have a chill out day for the first time in weeks. Let’s be realistic though. I’ll be Christmas shopping somewhere no doubt. I can’t believe it’s just 4 weeks until Christmas! Time flies when you’re having fun!

 

G   

‘My wallet’s too small for my 50’s and my diamond shoes are too tight!’ – Day 91

 

I’ve got a bit of the arse today to be honest. I think it’s cos my scales are only showing a 3lb loss this week. However, one thing that being on Lighterlife has taught me is that you just never know until you get on those scales and I have my official weigh in tonight. It’s now 4 o’clock and I’ve just finished my 4^th litre of water. I always finish drinking earlier in the day on a weigh in day as water weighs a lot! I have a good 4 to 5 hours to get as much out of my system as poss! Anyway, having the hump about a 3lbs loss got me thinking. I’m being a right prat. 3lbs in one week is a great loss for any diet plan, let alone the fact that I’ve lost over 5 stone in 3 months! I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I’ve had some great losses over the last few weeks so it’s to be expected that I would have a slow week. It’s not that I feel entitled to have bigger losses or anything it’s just that I’ve been on the plan for quite a while now and I really want to hit goal in time for New Year. I need to calm down I think. I got far too hung up on time related targets a while a go and it’s no good for me. I know there are a lot of people who would love a 3lbs loss in one week so I need to keep that kind of thing in mind and keep my feet on the ground. But, like I said, you never know!

 

It’s funny how much you get used to things like good losses. It really keeps you motivated. It makes me have much more respect for people that can stick to the programme with really low losses. I don’t think I could do it. I think I’m just feeling sorry for myself in general at the mo to be honest. I have a cold that I just can’t seem to shake (it’s been nearly 2 weeks now) and I feel the cold ALL the time. I’m sitting here typing now and my hands are freezing. They’re actually starting to go sore and crack a bit. God, how much of a tart do I sound! I guess Lighterlife in the winter was always going to be a challenge as I think the cold weather really makes you want to comfort eat. Not soup though! Actually, a Heinz big soup with a nice crusty roll would go down well right now. Anyway, to top it all off I received a £900 estimate to have my car sorted (it’s dying) and on a car that’s only worth about 2 grand, it clearly isn’t worth it. So, I’m off to look at new cars this weekend which I could do without (the expense I mean). I always planned to get a new car, just not for another year. Oh well, what can you do? I think I’m gonna go for a new new one though. I need something reliable for the wife and kids (especially at this time of year) and I just can’t be dealing with the aggro of MOT tests and things going wrong all the time (which is the story of my life when it comes to cars).

 

Right, that’s enough moaning. I like to get it all out of the way when I’ve had a bad week before I do my weigh in post tomorrow. I went in to Marks and Spencers yesterday to check out the shirt situation. My work shirts are getting stupid now. The collars are soooooo big I look like an idiot. Anyway, the result was that I seem to be between sizes. Typical. I was intending on buying a shirt to try out the size but I got distracted by a coat. I really needed a new coat for work as it’s bloody freezing in the mornings and my suit jacket just wasn’t cutting it anymore. So I tried the coat on and it fitted nicely, I liked it and the price was right so I decided to buy it. This is the best bit. Size Large no less! I know it’s a coat but that’s not the point! I own and wear something that’s a size large! It all went a big wrong though when I got to the till as I’d left my wallet in the office. By the time I went back and forth to the office I was sweating. The last thing I needed was a coat! I was glad for it this morning though. This is quite a departure for me. In the old days I would wear a coat about twice a year. Certainly not this side of Christmas. I guess I just don’t have the insulation I used to have!

 

I’m wondering what my ketosis stick will say tonight after a pretty non existent result last week. I wonder if it’s the bars. They do have a slightly higher carb content and it’s only been the last week or two that I’ve been having one a day. Hmmmm, if I have the same result tonight when I pee on the stick, I might cut back on em and see what happens.

 

Sorry to moan but to be honest, that’s just the way I’m feeling today. I’ll be posting weigh in results tomorrow in a much more positive frame of mind I promise!

 

G

Size doesn’t matter (yeah, RIGHT!) – Day 89

 

Well, what a mixed weekend I’ve had. I’ve been stressing a bit on the weight front this week as I hadn’t seen any movement at all on the old scales between Wednesday morning and Sunday. However, I’m pleased to say that the scales are moving. Only 3lbs so far this week though but I do have a couple of days to go. I know 3lbs in one week is still a good loss but my lowest loss so far in any one week has been 4lbs and I really want to start the management programme on the 1^st of January if I can. 28 lbs to go!

 

Anyway, we were up nice and early on Saturday and ready to brave the Christmas rush. The missus has actually been pretty organised this year so we didn’t have that much to get. As a side quest on this shopping trip I decided hit the big high street retailers and try on some stuff to see if they fit. Just jackets and jumpers mainly (so I didn’t have to go into the changing room). I’m please to report that in Debenhams, burtons, next and river island I can quite comfortably fit into an XL. Not bad considering I was a tight xxxl just 3 months ago. I even fitted into a coat in River island that was a large! I almost fainted. I think this is the sort of size I’m going to end up. I reckon that when I lose the last 2 stone I will be a large but, when I start eating again, not only will I put on weight but the general consensus is that you ‘fill out a bit’ too. So I guess if I can end up as a comfortable XL in the main shops I just mentioned after all this is over, I’ll be happy. So we did what we needed to do at the shops and made a quick getaway before lunch. Then on Saturday afternoon I went out with the father in law to stock up on the booze for Christmas. Quite funny really considering I won’t be drinking any of it but there you go. The last thing I want is people turning up around Christmas and me not have anything to offer them. As a result, the ‘beer fridge’ in the garage is a barren no more! Not that it needs to be in a fridge in this weather! It wouldn’t have been to long ago that knowing there is a few crates in the garage would have driven me round the bend. I’d have tucked into them already and have to buy a load more for crimbo! I’m happy to say though that it hasn’t bothered me so far. I guess I kind of have the blinkers on at the mo.

 

On to Sunday and the visit of my sister and brother in law for dinner. She definitely noticed the difference and said I looked well. Also a lot younger apparently but that’s no bad thing. I got the inevitable grilling about the lighterlife plan etc that I’m used to getting from anyone that I haven’t seen for a while. After the chit chat on Sunday morning I REALLY started to struggle for some reason. I don’t know if it’s cos I was cooking lamb or because we’d made shortbread biscuits with the kids that afternoon but I got some definite hunger pangs on Sunday. This wasn’t what they call emotional hunger but real proper hunger. In reality it means I either hadn’t drunk enough water or I hadn’t spaced my packs out well enough but it made me struggle all the same. I got through it though which is pretty much par for the course these days. It’s now another Monday morning (I hate Mondays) so I’m already on the countdown to my weigh in on Wednesday. I think I’m well and truly back in ketosis (after a pretty non existent result on my pee stick last week) cos I’m absolutely freezing. Being cold is a side effect of ketosis apparently. I guess I have less blubber insulating me too!

 

I also had some positive feedback from the Wii fit last night as I’ve lost just over 2 stone since I last used it. It was a bit concerned that I was losing weight too fast but it can shove it. Oh, on the Wii front, if anyone out there has one I would highly recommend Shaun White’s Snowboarding cos it uses the Wii fit balance board. Great fun!

 

G

‘Honey! Where’s my Super Suit?!’ – Day 86

 

I think this suit may have magical properties. That or actually wearing something that fits me is having a positive effect on my appearance. Hmmmmm, I’m thinking the latter. The work reunion do last night went well. Didn’t end up in the silly expensive place cos there was a private function and, to top it all off, the woman who arranged it there in the first place didn’t turn up! It wasn’t her fault though. She had to work late.

 

Anyway, I was hoping for a reaction and I certainly got one. One of the girls I used to work quite closely with couldn’t stop looking at me. Not in that way or anything. She was just in complete denial. They said I look young and I pointed out that I AM young (I’m only 28) but I think they have a point. It seems carrying too much weight does make you look older. I got grilled about the diet and got very positive comments. As it happened one of the blokes mum is also on lighterlife right now and doing very well. I was quite relieved that they wanted the ins and outs to be honest as my life has pretty much been dominated by this diet for the last 3 months. It’s the main reason I’m looking forward to finishing as it take a lot of energy to focus and get through the days. I guess there are worse things your life can be about than losing loads of weight but there are also loads of better things. So, the night went as planned and they all did the off for a curry at about 9pm. I left at that point. I could have sat in the curry house with them but I only own one suit that fits! I don’t want it stinking of curry! So I left and had my lemon bar on the way to the station. See! I told you I wasn’t going to have it until I was on my way home! Success! Another challenge completed! It was a bit squashed though…..

 

This morning the mystical properties of the magical mystery suit continued and my boss told me I need to get some new shirts that fit. I do to be fair. My collars are a joke. I think I need to try some different sizes on though as I’m pretty paranoid about my chest. I don’t want something that’s going to hug the dreaded ‘moobs’. Later on this morning I was in the post room looking for some paper clips (yes this sort of thing is how exciting my life is at the moment) and someone from IT walked past and told me I was wasting away! THEN I was in the kitchen getting some black tea (mmmmmm fake sweetener buzz) and someone else came in and asked if I’d lost a lot of weight. These trousers are fantastic! I may start wearing them at weekend’s lol! There was a little bit of negative with the last bloke along the lines of ‘yeah but will you be able to maintain it?’ and I beat it own with the whole management phase/speed up my metabolism slowly spiel. He did say though that someone he used to work with done a similar thing and has kept the weight off for over 3 years so there are some success stories out there. As innocent as his comment was though it did get me thinking. I wonder how many people out there who are giving me compliments are saying something along the lines of ‘I doubt he’ll keep it off though’ as soon as I’ve walked away. Probably not many but I like to think that some are. It motivates me to keep it off.

 

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about exercise. I do have a decent running machine at home but it’s only now I’m approaching my goal weight that I’ve started looking into the company gym membership plan. They give us £250 towards what ever sports membership you want so I called my local sport centre. Their membership is only £304 a year and that includes the gym, sauna, swimming pool, all classes, squash courts and all sorts. That’s gotta be a no brainer for just 50 quid out of my own pocket! I may wait until after Christmas to be honest cos they’re bound to be doing New Year offers and I won’t want to use the gym until after I’ve started eating again anyway. I must say though, the pool is appealing to me right now. I do like to swim but my inhibitions before losing the weight meant I wouldn’t have been seen dead in a swimming pool. Whilst I’m no oil painting now, I think I could grin a bare it.

 

Anyway, the weekend is here and, after my Man flu last week, I’m off out Christmas shopping tomorrow. We’ll be going early to get to the shops for when they open and good old Mrs LG has broke the back of it already. Just a few more bits to get for the family and we’re all done. We’re not buying for each other this year. We both need new clothes so we’re gonna hit the sales in January. I guess that saves me from running around on Christmas Eve! I’m going to need to help her lose some weight between now and Christmas though. She’s less than 11 stone but wants to shed a stone ASAP. I don’t want her not buying anything in Jan cos she thinks she’s too fat cos that’ll do my head in. She gets on quite well with the weight watcher points system and I must say, it is quite good. I lost nearly 2 stone on that a couple of years back. Anyway, she wants me to sit down with her and help work out the point values of certain meals etc. It’s not that I’ve been putting it off it’s just that I’ve been so wrapped up in getting through the day on this plan that I’ve thought of little else. Anyway, I’m going to offer my unconditional support tonight and help her get started for a few weeks before Christmas. Even though I don’t think she needs to lose weight! Being 5ft 4 and less than 11 stone after having two kids is good going in my opinion!  On Sunday I have my sister and her husband coming up from Brighton for a visit. They were supposed to be coming last week but I cancelled in the end due to the lurg I was suffering from. The last time I saw her I was over 5 stone heavier so I’ll be interested in what she has to say. She knows I’ve been on lighterlife though and roughly how much I’ve lost so it won’t come as a complete shock.

 

I’ll be updating very soon with her reaction. Wow, look at this, it’s gotta be 3 or 4 posts in one week!

 

G

 

P.S. I’m also getting the missus to take some more pics this weekend. I’ve got some at the start and some at 8 weeks. I think I should have some 12 weeks pics too.

High Five! – Week 12 weigh in – Day 85

 

Well it’s official. I’ve now lost over 5 stone on the Lighterlife plan. I had my week 12 weigh in last night and lost 5lbs which means I’ve lost a total of 72lbs (5 stone 2lbs) in less than 3 months! As I’ve hit a fairly big milestone, it’s time for a stat attack! These were my starting statistics just 12 weeks ago on the 27^th of August…..

 

• Weight – 21 stone 11lbs (305 lbs)
• BMI – 41.4
• Measurements
  • Chest – 51 inches
  • Waist – 55 inches
  • Hips – 54 inches

 

Now for my current stats

 

• Weight – 16 stone 9lbs (233lbs)
• BMI – 31.6
• Measurements
  • Chest – 43 inches
  • Waist – 47 inches
  • Hips – 47 inches

 

So that’s over 5 stone in weight, nearly 10 points in BMI and a total of 23 inches (8 from my chest. 8 from my waist, 7 from my hips). So what does that mean in real money? Well, my morning true weight currently stands at 16 stone and 5lbs (229lbs) and a BMI of 31.1 and I can now comfortably wear 38 inch trousers (I was a 46 at the start). The waist measurement can be a bit off is it’s not where you wear your trousers. Well, unless you’re Simon Cowell I guess lol.

 

So, as happy as I am to have officially broken the 5 stone barrier, there’s no time to dwell! Having lost the 2lbs over, I now have exactly 2 stone to go before I hit my big target of 100lbs lost (7 stone 2lbs) before I start the lighterlife route to management programme (RTM). The 70lbs target is done and dusted now so it’s full speed ahead to the next mini goal which is 76lbs lost. Just 4 lbs to go. That’s a target cos 76lbs is 25% of my starting body weight. So, next week I should be 3 quarters of the man I used to be! Once I hit that target my home scales will be on the verge of saying 15 something and I’ll be approaching 6 stone lost (84lbs). So, what does all this mean for the 01/01/09 target for my first food since I started the programme? Well, New Year’s Day is exactly 6 weeks away today. 28lbs over 6 weeks is an average loss of 4.7lbs a week. Now I’ve been averaging about 5lbs a week for the last few weigh ins so I’m hopeful. I guess I could even hit it early but to be honest, I’m not sure Christmas day is the best day to start eating again. Far too much temptation me thinks! There’s also always the possibility that I may hit it late and have to do an extra week. To be honest though, I may end up doing an extra week anyway as my weigh in day is a Wednesday and both Christmas eve and new years fall on Wednesdays. Not sure how my LLC is going to play it.

 

Ack! I almost forgot! Today is also the day of my ‘reveal’ lol. I’m meeting up tonight with about half a dozen ex work friends that I haven’t seen since before I started lighterlife. Now some of them know I’ve been on the diet but others don’t. I’ll probably get there a bit late cos work is manic at the mo so hopefully they’ll all be there when I get there. I did see someone else I used to work with yesterday and got quite a reaction so I’m hoping for more of the same. I know I look different, that much is clear from my photos but, cos it’s all happened so quick, I don’t feel that different. I guess it leads to a bit of paranoia that people won’t notice. Hell, at the end of the day if people don’t notice any change when you’ve lost 5 stone then they wasn’t paying much attention to begin with! Anyway, the do is in a nice pub but to be honest, after seeing the price list, I’m glad I’m not drinking. Now I know I haven’t bought a drink for a while, it was only 3 months ago and I don’t consider myself a cheapskate, but a shot of vodka in this place is £4.20! That’s easily gonna be a fiver with coke. That’s pretty shocking innit. With that said, I’m sure the tap water will be reasonably priced! I’m just gonna have to make sure there’s no lemon or lime involved. Bartenders love to stick it in and asking them not to doesn’t really seem to make any difference! They’ll all be going on for a curry later but that doesn’t really bother me to be honest. I do like curry but it’s not one of the things I’m missing most. I’m not sure how long I’ll stick it out and this is one of the first evenings I’ve been out in London since I started. I’ll probably just go along, get my compliments, drink a pint of water and sod off lol. I had to bring all my packs in with me today so I’ll be enjoying my lemon bar on the way home.

 

Having my packs with me has actually got me thinking. In one of my first posts before I started the programme, I cut out the carbs for a couple of days before my start date. As a result I bought a couple of Atkins advantage bars for lunch on those two days. I was typing a post in the morning and I remember mentioning that the bar for lunch was calling my name. This is all related to why I didn’t want to rely on bars too much. Anyway, even though it’s for tonight, the lemon bar is calling my name! I’m trying to view this as a positive though. I have no intention of having it but knowing it’s there in my drawer is affecting me. This relates to what we were talking about at our counselling session last night. I know this sounds a bit obsessive but if I used to have say…. a 6 pack in the fridge, I couldn’t rest until they were gone. It’s the same sort of thing with the bar in my drawer. However, I feel much better armed to deal with it now. Whereas before I started I probably ended up having that Atkins bar early, I’m now much better prepared to resist. There’s no way I’m having that lemon bar now until I’m on my way home tonight and that’s the end of it! It’s a challenge now and I relish it. This is something that’s happened to me over the course of my lighterlife journey (god I can’t believe I just called it that, I swore I never would lol) but I’ve become a bit of a challenge whore. I find that I always need one whilst I’m on abstinence. Before I started the programme, the prospect of getting through Christmas without eating/drinking scared me to death. So much so that I decided to eat on Christmas day regardless. Now I’ve gone the other way. I really WANT to get through Christmas without eating now. Why? Cos it’s another challenge. The mother of all food related challenges in fact. I really feel I need to get through one more Big Bad Boy challenge before I start eating again and Christmas is it! It’s my Everest and I’m going to conquer it! With it being such a big challenge and also being so close to goal at that point, only by succeeding in getting through it can I truly convince myself that I’ve really changed for the better and that my cravings/desire for food is firmly under my control! Man I tend to go off on one but this bar thing has highlighted to me that I’m making the right choice. I understand now that the rebellious child in me is never going to go away but I CAN shut it out. Sorry to anyone new reading this. I know it just sounds like a bar in a drawer but trust me when I say it’s much more than that. I don’t want to give anyone the impression that I’m depriving myself of anything. I’m really not. I’m choosing to be the master of my food intake and not the other way around.

 

Sheesh. Not sure where all that came from! I’ll be updating again very soon with the results of my night out tonight. On the pics front. I’ve decide that I will post some. Just not yet!

 

G

 

P.S. I can’t believe I forgot this. I also had my BP check last night and after 3 high readings, it’s now normal! What a result. The chemist took me right back down to earth though. I was on a right high. I’d just broker 5 stone lost, England had just beaten Germany away and my BP had come down! What a day! I then made the mistake if asking the chemist if my BP was still high. He looked me up and down and said ‘Well, not for YOUR weight’. Cheeky git. I almost whipped out the before and after pics lol!

70 Guinea pigs – Day 83

 

Wow, another post the day after the last! It’s almost like the early days. I have a work clothes update. I’m very pleased to report that I’m now wearing the smaller suit! Size 38 inch trousers no less and a far cry from the tight 46 inch trousers I was wearing less than 3 months ago! The jacket it’s a bit big as it’s a 46 (starting jacket was a 50) inch chest but I just can’t afford to be buying new suits right now. This time of year is always expensive and Lighterlife aint cheap at £66 a week either! Another thing that doesn’t really fit me any more is my wedding ring. It jeeps falling off in the sink when I wash my hands and I’m starting to get a bit paranoid that I’ll lose it. It does almost fit my middle finger though so maybe I’ll transfer it for a while then when I’m successfully maintaining the weight I want I can either get the original altered or get a new one. I didn’t think the missus would be very happy about me not wearing one for a while but she was fine with it. She pointed out that she didn’t wear any of her rings during pregnancy for the opposite reason.  I feel weird not wearing it though. I’m so used to it being there. Talking of wedding rings and stuff I got some serious brownie points from the missus as I managed to book tickets to see Pink at the O2 dome on the day of our 5^th wedding anniversary. She’s always wanted to see her and to get tickets actually on the day was a right result. The O2 has done alright out of me over the last year or so. I feel like I’ve been there loads. I’m going next August too with the kids for the walking with dinosaur’s thing. I can pretty much guarantee that my sons will have no interest whatsoever in dinosaurs by the time it comes around but there you go.

 

Another thing I forgot to mention about my suit today is that I’m not wearing a belt. I bought a belt about 4 months ago and never wore it. Why I hear you ask? Well, it was the biggest belt they did and it didn’t fit! Not even the first hole (I ordered it online)! I’ve been wearing it until today with my too big suit to stop my trousers falling down but I can’t were it anymore cos it’s too big! It was a bit of a shock this morning. The belt has 6 holes and I was wearing it yesterday on hole 5. Now my trousers actually fit (and the belt doesn’t have to gather any material) I can put it on hole 6 and it’s still lose. This is the kind of thing that I just can’t get my head round on this diet. I’ve gone from a belt not even fitting to being too big in less than 3 months. If it almost sounds too good to be true, you’re not alone! This is making me take management a bit more seriously. I need to be soooooo careful when I start eating again or I could put it all back on in the same timeframe. Talking of management I can definitely see why some people begin to slip the closer they get to target. The time is just going so slow for me now it’s not even funny. I’ve mention about time before. I guess it depends how you look at it. Like above, if I say I’ve done a whole belt in less than 3 months it sounds mega quick but if I say I haven’t eaten anything for 12 weeks, it sounds like an age. At this point I’ve probably got about 6 weeks left on the abstinence part of the programme and about another 2 stone to lose. It just feels like that’s gonna take forever! I guess I should just stop moaning though. What other plan can you lose 7 stone in 18 weeks on? I don’t know why I’m ranting really. It’s just dragging and bugging me. I’m trying to limit boredom and temptation now by having a bar a day. It’s defiantly better cos having to make that late night shake was a pain. I also have my evening soup and bar quite close together so it almost feels like a meal! My tastes are beginning to become quite limited too now. I’m only having Chocolate and Vanilla shakes, Veg, Chilli and mushroom soups and Lemon/peanut bars. I definitely need to get me some more Tabasco sauce. I ran out at home and forget to get some more at the weekly shop. It definitely helps to make the soups a bit more interesting.

 

God every post lately starts off fairly positive and ends up with me moaning! Right, lets bring it back! There’s  a thread going around on the message boards called ‘what you’ve lost’ and it’s basically a lit of random things that weigh certain amounts. So, I’ve lost around 70lbs so far and that means I’ve lost an Irish setter lol. With that said, you can do a combo. Hmmmm, let’s see. I’ve lost a small bale of hay and an average 2 year old. Or er, 3 car tyres, a human head and a rack of ribs!

 

Here’s the list. It’s quite funny to come up with the combos.

 

1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human’s skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale’s brain
20 pounds = an car tyre
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant’s heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant’s penis (yep, weights more than his heart!)
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World’s Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she’s 5’11”)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she’s 5’4”)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

 

I was originally aiming for the amount of rubbish I throw away in a month but I revised it to a new born giraffe cos let’s face it, that’s way cooler. Anyway, now I’m aiming to lose a 2 month old horse before New Year. OR…… a human brain, 10 dozen large eggs, a gold brick and a Chihuahua lol.

 

G

Man Flu 2 – Day 82

 

So this weekend I think I passed my toughest test so far on Lighterlife. I went through the party in week one, the 4 and 7 week walls, the Dublin trip, the second conference etc but nothing prepared me for being ill while consuming only 500 calories a day. I was moaning about feeling rough in my last post and I know all you girls out there are making comments about blokes being dramatic when they’re ill but I got much worse after the last post. I even had a day off work on Friday (which I never do these days) and was laid up for pretty much the whole weekend. I’m back in the office today and still not feeling 100%. The wife had a pretty hectic weekend of Christmas shopping planned but there was no way I’d be up for that so she went with her mum. I gotta be honest; I was surprised how difficult the diet was this weekend. It wasn’t the kind of illness where you didn’t want to eat unfortunately. All I wanted to do was eat something to make me feel better. You know when you have a really bad hangover and all you need is a bacon sarnie to sort you out? Well it was like that for 3 days. Soup was the last thing I wanted but I struggled through all the same. I didn’t cheat and I didn’t miss any of my packs. Certainly were tough times though.

 

Anyway, as a result of all this, I appear to have lost some inches this week. Weight loss is going well. I’m aiming to hit the 5 stone lost target at my weigh in on Wednesday and all is looking good at my end (so to speak) but I don’t want to jinx myself. I say I must have lost inches this week cos my clothes feel bigger than usual. My smaller work suit is actually fitting quite well now and I was considering wearing it to the office. This was before I tried it on with a shirt. I need new work shirts. I just can’t wear my current ones with size 38” trousers. I look ridiculous. I need to sort out this situation pronto as I have the ex work reunion on Thursday night so I need to look my best. How funny is this? Going from a 22 stone bloke who will wear whatever fits to a 16 and a half stone bloke obsessing about hits shirts being too big. What’s happened to me?!? I’ve got no idea what size shirt I am now to be honest. It’s something I’ve never understood about shirt sizing. Cos it’s based on neck, I’ve always had to buy a bigger neck than I need so the shirt fits around the chest/belly. Now I just have no idea what I’m doing. All this stress lol!

 

Talking of clothes sizes, the wife bought me a t shirt from the same place I was buying the xxxl t shirts that I’ve mentioned before except she bought me an xl. It fitted quite well although I wasn’t sure at first but the missus said it looked fine so that’s good enough for me. Any big bloke just knows if a t shirt is going to fit as soon as he puts his arms in it. I guess I’m just not used to wearing clothes that actually fit me rather than looking like a tent. I suppose I was a bit surprised that losing 5 stone only takes you from a xxxl to an xl but that’s the way it goes. I’ve mentioned before that I have a big frame. Maybe one day I’ll be a large but I’ll certainly never be a medium but that’s ok. I just wanna get to the point where I can walk into most high street shops and buy something off the rack. It’s only now that I’ve lost quite a lot of weight that I realise I actually quite like clothes. There was no like or dislike involved before. If it fitted, I’d buy it. Pretty depressing really.

 

I’m also feeling much more positive after my epic debate (with myself) about when to stop the abstinence part of the programme. Now I’ve decided on the 100lbs as a end goal I’m much more motivated. Although I probably have at least 6 weeks still to go, having that firm target really does make it feel like I’m on the home straight. I’ve amended my geeky spreadsheet now to count down lbs and weeks to go in addition to lost and completed. It’s currently showing 33lbs to go in 7 weeks. With a bit of luck that’ll read something like 28lbs to go in 6 weeks. I’m trying to lose an average of 4 and a half to 5lbs a week.  If I do that then I WILL hit 14 stone 9lbs or 100lbs lost on new years eve! It’s funny when I say I’m trying to lose a certain amount cos as I’ve decided not to do any additional exercise until I start the management phase, it’s totally up to my body how much I lose! My weekly losses do seem quite random.

 

As much as I try, I just can’t stop staring at these numbers! I just don’t know what’s changed in me. This motivation and will power must have come from somewhere?! If you’d have told me 3 months ago that I’d be weighing less that 16 and a half stone and craving for more loss I wouldn’t have believed you. It just sounds so mad! I think I’m in denial…..

 

Tune in soon for weigh in results!

 

G

 

P.S. A BIG thanks to everyone who is commenting and reading.

Man Flu – Week 10&11 weigh in – Day 78

 

I’m very happy to report that I’ve lost another 10lbs in the last two weeks which takes me to a total loss of 67lbs in 11 weeks. That’s 4 stone 11lbs! So my ‘lighterlife weight’ in the evening stands at 17 stone dead and BMI 32.3 (21^st 11/41.4 at the start). This means I hit another personal target and am on schedule to hit 5 stone in week 12. That’s become a big target for me due to a work reunion next Thursday so anything over 3lbs next week and I’m there. Morning ‘true’ weight stands at 16st 11lbs and BMI 31.9. Although it seems close to BMI 30 or below (the ‘overweight’ range) the BMI drops much more slowly the more weight you lose. It also occurs to me that I’ve never posted my measurements. I was handed back my end of foundation photos last night and I was quite shocked by the difference (and that was 3 weeks ago!). I think I’ll post them when I can get the scanner working. On the measurements front I’m pleased to report that I’ve lost a total of 17 inches! 5 from my chest, 7 from my waist and 5 from my hips. Got to be happy with that. I think I’m due for some more measurements next week as it goes.

 

So, I have 17lbs to go before I hit that big target and a 6 stone loss before Christmas. That’s an average of just less than 3lbs a week. As my lowest loss so far in any one week has been 4lbs, I feel pretty confident about hitting that big target a little early. With a bit of luck I may even be 6 stone lighter on the 10^th of December, just 4 weeks away. I’m getting a head of myself again though. Let’s get 5 stone out of the way first!

 

Talking of Christmas, I have some decisions to make. I’ve posted before about how I always planned to eat a meal both on the 18^th of December (with work) and on Christmas day. That’s always been my plan since before I started. However, that’s now been blown wide open. My family were supposed to be joining us on Christmas day but it looks like it’s not going to happen now. This makes me question my whole Christmas strategy. If it’s just going to be the wife and kids, it’s no different from any regular Sunday roast day when it comes to food. As a result I’m beginning to think that I should just power through with abstinence. If I’m not going to eat on Christmas day then maybe I should also blow out the work thing. I just don’t know at the moment. The jury is still out. This whole situation leads me to thinking about eating again in general. I don’t think fear is the right word but lately I’ve certainly been feeling slightly anxious about eating again. I think the overall worry is that I don’t want to put all the weight back on. I’ve been hiding behind this ‘if I cheat I’ll find it much harder’ excuse for a while now but I guess when it comes down to it, maintaining the weight is the hard part. I certainly want to stay in abstinence until I’ve lost all the weight I want to lose but this worrying has definitely confirmed to me that I want to do the lighterlife management plan as opposed to coming off the programme completely and then going it alone. It’s not that I’m afraid to eat healthy and have a regular exercise regime; it’s just that I have no idea how to do it successfully. This is why it always worries me when a bloke joins our group who has been on the plan before. I guess I’m not doing myself any good comparing myself to those chaps. I am the master of my own destiny after all.  I like the idea of re-introducing certain types of food over a period of time (as you do with the management plan) but it’s a significant time and cost investment (although management is cheaper). I’m essentially looking a May 2009 before I’m completely off the plan. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how the weight loss goes. I may decide I’ve lost enough much earlier than I’m currently planning. I’d like to be off management for when I go on holiday in May which means I need to start the 12 week plan on the 4^th February. Going by my average weight loss so far I should be around 13 and a half stone at that point. That may well be too much but I’m certainly expecting to put some weight on when I’m eating again. It’s bound to happen; even if it’s just the body refilling its glycogen stores. I think I’d be happy with anything under 15 stone to be honest as a long term weight. Which is why I’m looking at that 100lb target (14st 9 lbs) and am seriously considering that as my end goal instead of BMI 25 (13st 2).

 

Do you know what? After reading all that back a couple of times I’ve made my decision. That’s the goal. As soon as I hit 100lbs lost, I’m going into management. I know it seems like a rash decision but I’ve been writing this post in bits and bobs all morning. So, 33lbs to go. I could even hit that by the end of the year!

 

If this all sound a bit gloomy I’m not surprised. I have serious man flu today! Have my sister coming to visit on Sunday and I haven’t seen here since before I started Lighterlife. That should be good for a laugh. She knows I’m on it though and how much I’ve lost so it shouldn’t be too much of a shock to her.

 

Jeez this post has sapped my energy so well done for getting through it. I feel better already!

 

G

Better late than never – Day 75

 

I’m back! Yes I’m still alive and still very much on the program. Hands up any of you who thought I’d jacked it in?! I’ve been royally pants at keeping this blog up to date over the last two weeks so let me apologise for that and issue a warning. This is going to be a looooooooooooooong post. As you know from my last post I was just going into my second two week stint on lighterlife without a weigh in session due to work commitments. I had a second conference in a month to attend and I’m pleased to report that I survived on the plan. You may remember that my biggest gripe with the food packs in Dublin was the stupidly small glasses, mugs and total lack of hand blender. I wasn’t going to be caught out again. As I didn’t have to fly and was only staying one night, the weekend suitcase got another outing. I went totally prepared with a big mug, stick blender and mixing jug! What a difference it made. As hard as being around the bar/food was at the conference, the agenda played into my hands. I went late to avoid lunch and the evening do was a cocktail and canapé reception. I must tell you, the food they were bringing round looked top notch and to be honest, I was very tempted at one point. Luckily the do fell fairly flat early on so I snaked off to my room to watch the second half of the football. So, another night under my belt and I was ready to face day two. For several reasons I won’t go into, I had to leave the conference early and head back to the office. So after getting myself in a state about being away again and missing my weigh in, it was over before it even started.

 

I’ve mentioned before how I’ve decided to pretty much avoid exercise during the abstinence phase of Lighterlife and my travelling experience back to London confirmed to me that I’m doing the right thing. As the conference over ran in the afternoon, I had 10 minutes to make my train. The hotel was pretty close to the station so that’s no big deal right? Wrong! It was a 15 minute walk up one of the steepest hills I’ve ever faced and I had to do it in 10 minutes! Carrying luggage! I totally went for it. I power walked up the hill like a man possessed. I made my train by 20 seconds and I gotta be honest, I was halfway back to London before I felt normal again. It was quite a strange experience. I felt like I was gonna pass out at one point. I guess this serves as a reality check when it comes to how unfit I am. It’s something I’m definitely going to have to address when I’m eating again that’s for sure. Once I finally make it home I got to jump on the scales! Anyone who is a regular reader will know how obsessed I am with them. I was pretty happy as I weighed in at 17 stone and half a pound. Just 1lb away from the scales saying 16 something. Well, at the time of writing, I weigh 16 stone 12lbs with 3 days to go until weigh in. This is seriously uncharted territory for me now. I can’t remember the last time I was in the 16s. This is all good news on the target front. I want to lose 5 stone by the 20^th of November and 6 stone by the 18^th of December. It seems that I’m on track.  I currently weigh 9lbs less that the morning of my last weigh in (2 weeks ago) so if I lose another 4lbs next week, I’ll hit the 5 stone. I’m off out for the night on the 20^th with some ex works friends and I haven’t seen any of them since I started. Should get a few compliments with a bit of luck. I hope they don’t all decide to be super polite and not mention it lol! Speaking of goals, I thought I might list the ones I’ve achieved so far. If you can believe it, I have a total of 17 goals! I have big goals but most of these are mini ones. So, here we go. Goals I’ve achieved so far…..

 

• 11lbs lost – Makes me obese instead of morbidly obese BMI
• 28lbs lost – 2 stone
• 30.5lbs lost – 10% of my starting body weight
• 42lbs lost – 3 stone
• 46lbs lost – 15% of my starting body weight
• 52lbs lost – 18 stone dead. My wedding weight and first big target
• 56lbs lost – 4 stone
• 61lbs lost – 20% of my starting body weight

 

Not bad for 10 and a half weeks I think you’ll agree. As for goals still to go, these are the ones I want to hit before crimbo…..

 

• 67lbs lost – 17 stone dead
• 70lbs lost – 5 stone
• 76lbs lost – 25% of starting body weight
• 84lbs lost – Another big target. 6 stone lost and a ‘overweight’ BMI of 30

 

I have another 21lbs to go to hit all those targets and another 5 weeks to do it in. That’s an average of just over 4lbs a week. If past performance is anything to go by, I should do it! A long time ago I spoke about silly goals or ‘pie in the sky’ targets. These were post Christmas and subject to how I feel and whether or not I want to continue losing weight.  I might as well list those too!

 

• 91.5lbs lost – 30% of original body weight
• 98lbs lost – 7 stone
• 100lbs lost – 100lbs lost!!
• 112lbs lost – 8 stone
• 121lbs lost – ‘healthy’ BMI of 25

 

I’m not sure where I stand with these ones right now. In theory if I crack on after Christmas I should hit BMI 25 before the end of February but I’m just not sure. I’m really in two minds about it. I feel comfortable about thinking of the end game now. That’s something I made a conscious effort not to do in the early days. I may go for the middle ground to 100lbs lost cos, let’s face it, that sounds impressive! When I think about being around 4 stone lighter than I am now, it might be too much. I just don’t know….

 

This kind of talk makes me think about feelings. It seems to be the first question on everyone’s lips ‘how do you feel?’ ‘You must feel so much better?’ etc. The funny thing is, I don’t really feel that different! I’ve read before that on a VLCD like Lighterlife it can take your mind a while to catch up with your body. I still feel huge. Let’s face it, I’m just under 17 stone so I’m not exactly wafer thin. This kind of thinking keeps me grounded I guess. Yes, I’ve achieved a lot so far but, I still have a fair way to go. With that said, as advantageous as keeping your feet on the ground is, it doesn’t help with motivation. For me, every day is a struggle but nothing I can’t handle. With that said, I’ve been sick to death of Lighterlife for the last week or so. This is different to the significant walls I hit in week 4 and 7. This isn’t a ‘I just want to eat’ feeling. It’s a ‘god I’m sick of this now’ feeling. They’re very different. This is why I’m so obsessed with targets and why so many of them are so close together. It really does help to keep me motivated. Another key thing I think is that I don’t dwell on them. Yes I’ve hit 16 stone something today but I’m already over it and focusing on the 5 stone loss. Then I’ll be looking toward 15 stone something straight away. It’s so important to focus on the future in my view but it needs to be both realistic and relatively close.  With all that said, I’m still going. At the end of the day, the last time I had a beer or food was the 26^th of August and that’s certainly something to be proud of.

 

Ok, that’s enough of that! On to the food packs. I tried the chicken soup again and I still don’t like it. Many people have told me that tastes change during lighterlife but I’m sorry, the chicken soup just isn’t for me. My LLC also had the tomato soups in stock as well. I ordered 3 and have had 2 so far with the third scheduled for tomorrow. I gotta be honest, it’s nothing to write home about. I’m sure that’s not a surprise. It’s ok I spose but I doubt I’ll be ordering any more. On to bars. I’ve been sticking with the lemon and peanut bars the last few weeks so I thought I’d expand my horizons again. Tried the fruit and toffee bars again and the fruit was just as bad as I remember. Toffee was ok actually so I think I’ll get that and the cranberry one more often. I’m considering getting more bars this week as I’m really finding my late night shake a bit of a chore. I’ve even missed one somewhere along the line as I now have one left over every week. I can’t for the life of me think when it was. I think a bar before bed might be the way to go. I’ve never had more than 4 bars in any one week so I think I may up it to 5 this week. On the foodpack/bar front, I’ve never been a fan of ‘cooking’ my food packs. A lot of people do it but I don’t really agree with the practice. I don’t see how making ‘muffins’ ‘crisps’ and ‘chocolate bars’ are supposed to help you with the whole ‘abstaining from food’ part. I understand that the reality of these recipes are nothing like the real thing but I don’t see how the psychological side of eating these things is good for you. I know that sounds like a rant but I want emphasise that I’m not judging people who do this. If that’s what works for them, fair enough. It’s just not for me. I’m sure you could sense a ‘but’ coming and I hope I’m not contradicting myself. I’m not making any recipes but I must say, sticking the peanut bar in the microwave for 30 seconds with a pinch of salt is really nice! I don’t think this comes under the category of ‘cooking’ my packs and it’s no different from say, having your chocolate shake hot instead of cold. Anyway. I found the peanut inspiration in the most unlikely place. It was really sunny the other week and I had to take the missus to work. My peanut bar was sitting on the dashboard in full sunlight for half an hour and the heat really improves it. It’s a great winter warmer.

 

One other development this week was yet another wardrobe sort out. I ended up with another black sack full for the charity shop. Finally got rid of a load of old work shirts that were on their last legs  as the ones I kept from a few years ago now fit. I’m pleased to report that I can now get into my ‘goal outfit’ (the smallest pair of jeans and tightest shirt I own). Now, getting into should not be confused with fitting. I can do the jeans and shirt up but I wouldn’t be seen dead in public wearing it yet! I’m also fitting into the size 38” trousers from a suit I’ve never worn. I want to wear it to the do on the 20^th so I have 2 weeks to go to get it a bit more comfy. I hope I can wear it soon as my current suit is falling off me. On the suit front, I tried on the one I was wearing to work on the day I started Lighterlife. It’s a 50 inch jacket and 46 inch trousers. I looked like a little kid wearing my dad’s clothes! It was quite scary stuff to be honest. I’m sure you won’t be surprised to learn that there were some ‘issues’ involved. In May this year I went on holiday to Menorca and I needed new clothes. I was lucky enough to find a high street store that did some pretty nice stuff in my size. So, I loaded up on xxxl t-shirts and shorts till the cows came home. I’ve been wearing this stuff up and till now but it’s getting to the point where I look a bit silly. I don’t really want to give it away as it’s only 6 months old but, keeping it in the wardrobe feels a bit like accepting defeat. It didn’t help when the wife suggested I should hold on to them. As determined as I am to keep all this weight off, there is always the possibility of it going back on. To cut a long story short, I made a deal with myself to put all this stuff on a separate shelf and forget about it. Once I’ve kept the weight off for a year after finishing lighterlife, that stuff is going! So at the end of it all I’m left with about 4 t-shirts and two pairs of jeans! As much as I don’t want to buy loads of clothes before I hit a weight I’m happy with, I think I may need to get a few bits. That’s something else that I find quite strange. Things that didn’t even fit me when I started are now getting a bit big. It’s so weird to think that I wasn’t even fitting in those things less than 3 months ago.

 

Well I think that’s more than enough ranting and raving for today. I hope I redeemed myself!

 

G

Blue is the colour – Week 8&9 weigh in results – Day 64

Hello! It’s going to be a quick post today as I have a day off but I’m flying high so had to post. I hit the 4 stone target in week 9! My two weeks of torture have given me an excellent 12lbs loss which takes me to a total of 57lbs or 4 stone 1lb in 9 weeks! What a result! BMI is now 33.5 down from 41.5 just two months ago.

Session was ok. We talked about goals again but in more detail. We discussed the alternative measures we could take to reach our goals and what’s stopping us. Time was my big excuse. I know I should find the time for exercise but I don’t want it to slow my losses down! I’ve always been of the mind that I want to shed the fat first using Lighterlife and work on my fitness after (when I’m taking in a few more calories).

As I missed last weeks session my LLC filled me in on the jist. They were talking about colours and what kind of person you are dicates what colour. Apparently it was decided that I was Blue in my absence lol. Blue means I’m organised(!) and want to have all the details etc before I do anything. To be honest, that’s spot on. I don’t really do anything without extensive internet research. I also religously count my packs at the end of a session (most of the others don’t bother). I seem to live a dual life though. I’m mainly like the above with LL and work but not so much in my home life. This is why my wife finds it so amusing that my job revolves around change management, process improvements and organisation lol. So in conclusion I’m apparently a bit of yellow too…..

I’m pleased to report that my counsellor had the new tomato soups in stock this week so I got a few. I’m pretty sure it’ll be naff but you have to try it. I’ll post soon on my impressions. Got some more chicken soups this week too. If you remember I went right of em a few weeks ago but, as many people have told me that your tastes change during the programme, I’m going to give them another go. I was a bit jelous actually. There’s also a new Chocolate bar for management only and they all had a taste last week. It’s really nice by all accounts so I guess that’s something to look forward to in the management phase. Last but not least is the new water flavourings. Our LLC has a tub of each on the table for us to help ourselves and I thought it was ok. I’m not a big fan of orange flavoured things as I got pretty much the drunkest I’ve every been in my life on Orange Bacardi breezers (they had just come out) about 15 years ago and I’ve not been keen on the taste of orange ever since lol. That’ll teach me to deviate from beer!

So, as pleased as I am to hit the 4 stone, that’s been and gone. It’s now on to the next challenge. I have to do another 2 weeks as I’m away with work again for most of next week. Then it’s full steam ahead to 5 stone. I’d love to lose 5 stone (or over)  by the 20th of November (3 more weigh ins). That’s when I’m meeting up with a load of people I used to work with that I haven’t seen since I started LL.

4 stone down and 2 to go in order to hit the original target of 6 stone lost by the 18th december (16 weeks in total). I’m on track but I’m not counting my chickens before they’ve hatched. It’s always good to get together with the group as it gives you a reality check. A couple of the guys lost less than 1lb last night so it does bring you back down to earth. It CAN happen so I need to keep that in mind.

G

P.S. Tomato soup for lunch today. There may even be two posts in one day!

Planes, Trains and Stooopid cups – Day 61

 

Well I’m very pleased to say that I survived my trip to Dublin unscathed. I also didn’t eat/drink a thing! Apart from Lighterlife food packs and water of course. Travelling there was an absolute breeze. No public transport chaos which is a first for me whilst travelling to an airport. Apart from 6 armed police taking two suspicious chaps away for questioning at my boarding gate it’s the most pleasurable flying experience I’ve had. There were only 20 people on my flight so we were on and off in a flash and had loads of room. I wish I could say the same for my return journey (I’ll get on to that). Anyway, I’m happy to report that I do indeed fit in a plane seat much better. I remember the seat belt being on its largest setting the last time I flew but I had loads to spare this time. The arms do still dig into my legs though. To be honest I think I’m just a wide person. I do have a big build so I don’t think much is going to change (width wise). Refused the British airways food and complimentary bar without any problem and the next thing I knew, I was in Dublin. Met up with a colleague and made my way to the hotel where we were ushered straight in for lunch (my room wasn’t ready). Wasn’t too bad as they were bringing bowls of soup round (heh, that didn’t bother me for obvious reasons) and they had sandwiches on the table. Finally got my room and I had a right result. Certainly bigger than the others I’d seen but it did have a funny smell about it. With that said, as I figured I’d be spending a fair amount of time in my room, I didn’t want to lose it. Dinner that night was a nightmare. It was in the hotel restaurant and, cos there’s over 200 people all eating at the same time, not having food given to me was a bit of a challenge. You had a choice between 2 for all 3 courses and after I didn’t order (by telling the waitress I wasn’t eating) I thought that would be it. How wrong I was. Cos they’re bringing food out all the time I had a plate of something put in front of me at least every 5 minutes. As soon as one of the staff noticed an empty setting, they’d set it down. I must of said ‘thank you but I’m not eating’ at least 10 times. I was getting the hump with it by the end. The smoked salmon looked nice and the Sea bass smelled alright but I wasn’t particularly bothered by it. The Irish Guinness in the bar on the other hand was another matter……. Interestingly, during dinner, I experienced my first negativity towards the lighterlife programme. I was sitting with someone I used to work with and getting interrogated about my lack of eating. I went through the motions as you do and he said ‘you’d be far better off just cutting down’, or words to that effect. All I took away from that is that he wasn’t listening to a word I’d been saying to him for 15 minutes. One of the best things about Lighterlife is the quick results. There’s now way I’d lose anywhere near 50lbs in two months ‘just cutting down’. Most people who are slim just really don’t understand obesity. Anyway, that’s all I’ll say on that.

 

After all this I retired to my room for a soup/shake. This was a fecking disaster. I did have tea/coffee making facilities in my room but the kettle literally took 20 minutes to boil and I had the most ridiculously tiny coffee cup. As a result I ended up having my soup in about 4 instalments. It was like mushroom espresso! We got given a mug on the second day as a corporate gift so that came in handy. It’s ironic really. I’d brought more shakes than soups and I figured I could just empty the sachets into a plastic bottle of water and shake like the wind. Another mistake. I just couldn’t get the powder into the bottle for the life of me. I tried making a funnel out of paper but all I succeeded in doing was covering my bathroom in chocolate powder. So, what was I left with? The crappy tiny little egg cup type glasses they give you in hotel bathrooms. So I was in the same situation as the soup. Just a tiny little glass and a teaspoon! The shakes were rank! The Irish water didn’t help (I found a vending machine with bottled water in the end) but they just don’t mix! This is the first time I’ve had a shake without my trusty stick blender. I thought I was going to puke and I had to do this at least another 4 times! Oh well, I got through it I guess. In situations like that, the strictly 1 bar a day limitation really kicks in. On the second night they had a big do planned. A gala dinner at the K club (where they had the Rider cup in 2006). After the previous night, I ducked out of it. I couldn’t be arsed with the hour long coach journey to sit in a place with people I didn’t know and repeat ‘I’m not eating thank you’ over and over again. So, I had a nice night in, lol. Just me, soup, bar and the TV. It got a bit hairy for a minute when the TV stopped working but I fixed it. I also had a bath. First time I’ve been in a bath for a while and I certainly fitted in it better. I guess day 3 of the conference was the best. I knew I’d gotten through it at that point. Also, my colleague didn’t go to bed until 6am after a night on the Dublin town and my word did he look bad. That would have been me a couple of months ago!

 

Travelling back was ok until we were on the plane. These two Americans managed to get through security and onto the plane with two of the biggest carry on suitcases I’ve ever seen. It was only a small plane so there was no way they were gonna fit in the overhead lockers. As a result they had to be checked in so we missed our take off slot. Then when we were starting our decent, the pilot came over the com to tell us that London City airport was closed because of a security alert! As a result we got diverted into Southend! This was excellent from my point of view cos I live about 5 miles from Southend! I think I was the only happy person on that plane when it landed. Got home about an hour early. It was strange flying into Southend airport again. They haven’t done passenger flights for ages and the last time I was there was flying back from Spain in the mid eighties! The place hasn’t changed a bit. It was like walking into a time capsule.

 

So, that was a very boring account of my time in Dublin. I’m pleased that I managed to get through it without cheating and it’s one more challenge crossed off. The temptation continued straight away though as I went to the American football game at Wembley stadium yesterday. There was beer, burgers, hot dogs, pizza and popcorn everywhere you looked! It was tough but, compared to last week, a walk in the park.

 

It doesn’t stop there though. I have my week 9 weigh in on Wednesday where I should have my end of foundation photos and measurements done. I think I’ve done ok on the weight loss front. Currently weighing in at home in the morning at 17 stone 9lbs (start weight 21 stone 6lbs). That makes me 8lbs lighter than the same time 2 weeks ago. I’m actually knocking on the door of 4 stone lost now. Hoping to reach that in week 10, which I won’t be there for! That’s right; I’ve got to do another 2 week stretch after Wednesday as I’m off to ANOTHER conference next week! This one is in the UK though so I’m definitely taking my stick blender/jug/pint glass etc. I won’t be going near a shake unless it’s blended ever again!!

 

Tune in soon for week 9 weigh in results!

 

G

The Emerald Isle – Unofficial week 8 weigh in – Day 55

 

I considered trying to type in an Irish accent but then thought better of it. Anyway, 2 posts in as many days! What’s going on?! As I’m going to be away in Dublin for the next couple of days I thought I’d check in one more time. With that said though, I do have a WordPress application on my mobile so I may even attempt my first ever update on the road. I think it’s pretty clear that’ll be a disaster. Anyway, weight update. The half a pound has gone! I’m now 17s 13lbs exactly which is essentially 4.5lbs less than I weighed this time last week. That’s my unofficial week 8 loss as I’m missing the weigh in tomorrow. Total loss is about 49lbs or 3 and a half stone! Got to be happy with that but my desire for more is increasing! Full speed ahead to 4 stone! 7 lbs to go! I want to lose another 2 and a half stone this side of Christmas if I can. That’s 35lbs in er….. 9 weeks. I make that an average of 3lbs a week. The average required seems to be falling. What a result.

 

That’s enough self congratulating for a few days. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I’m drinking tea! What’s wrong with that I hear you ask? Well, there’s nothing wrong with having black tea on the Lighterlife programme but I generally don’t drink hot drinks. I always used to find tea very bland and I just don’t like to have to wait to drink something. I don’t see the point. Why am I keeping this quiet? Well, the mother in law is a real teapot. She loves the stuff and essentially doesn’t drink anything else. For the last 13 years it has been like the irresistible force meets the immovable object when it comes to the tea battle. If she gets wind of my tea drinking she’ll never let me hear the end of it!

 

When it comes to the conference this week I think I’m as prepared as I can be to get through the meal times.  I’ve studied the hand baggage restrictions and I can’t see anything that would effect whether or not I can take the Lighterlife food packs on the plane so I’m not checking a bag. I’m sure it will be fine but I’ve heard of people having some trouble when it comes to that. If worse comes to the worse I guess I’ll just check in my bag. I hate to do that as I’m a big fan of the whole online check in job. I’m all checked in already. I’ve picked my seat (an exit row!) and have printed my boarding pass all ready to go. Now I just have to deal with the public transport meltdown which occurs whenever I try to get to an airport. I’ll be leaving early doors me thinks. On the plane seat front I’m really interested to see how it works out. One of the things I was really looking forward too is fitting in a plane seat better. I flew to Norway in February and boy was I uncomfortable. I’m 3 and a half stone less now so with a bit of luck, things should go easier. Also went for an aisle seat. That’s a must when you’re drinking as much water as I am! I’m sure the next few days are challenging but getting into the 17s has been a real plus this week. I think it’s improved my resolve. I just need to take every day as it comes. By lunchtime on Friday, I’ll be on my way home!

 

For a week. Then I head to another conference! ARRRGHHHH!!!

 

G  

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. – Day 54

 

Today, dear readers, is a good day. That’s no mean feat considering it’s a Monday. The scales this morning began with a 17! 17 stone 13 and a half pounds to be exact but that’s not the point. Crossing into the 17s is a huge milestone for me as I haven’t been there for over 5 years. This is exactly the stage I’ve been looking forward to as I feel that, to a certain extent, I’m entering uncharted territory. Up until now I’ve kinda been feeling like I’ve been undoing the last 5 years of self abuse. I know it’s all self abuse but I’ve been yo yo dieting since I hit 18 stone on my wedding day. I’m not quite at the point where the end is in sight but I’m certainly around half way. Morning weight BMI currently stands at around 34. This is another significant change for me as I’m now closer to ‘overweight’ than ‘morbidly obese’ yay! The frustrating thing about BMI though is that the decrease in the number slows with the weight so I still have just over 2 stone to go until I hit the 20’s. That’s my Christmas goal you see, 15 stone 10, BMI of 29.8 (overweight) and a 6 stone total loss! It’s doable too. 31 and a half pounds in the next 8 weeks. That’s just under 4lbs a week.

 

Anywho, I’m using all these positives to carry me through the rest of the week. I won’t be going to my weigh in this Wednesday as I have the Dublin work trip. Pretty typical cos I think I’m on track for a fairly decent loss this week. Oh well, it’ll have all the more impact next week I guess. I’m also only 2 days away from the end of foundation. 8 whole weeks without food. I’ve managed to stay on the programme completely and haven’t eaten anything since the 26^th of August. Really seems like a long time ago now. It’s a funny old thing time isn’t it? Everyday seems to drag but when I say I’ve been on Lighterlife for 8 weeks, it seems like an incredibly long time. Still a long way to go though. Another 8 weeks till crimbo so it’s full steam ahead!

 

As I’m missing my end of foundation meeting I got the missus to take some pics of me this weekend. I have 3 sets, 1 in just shorts (which I can assure you will never see the light of day) one in a t-shirt I kept that I took on our honeymoon nearly 5 years ago. This is significant cos getting down to the wedding weight was the first major goal. You may wonder why I have a 5 year old t-shirt hanging about. Well, the wife gave birth to both our sons in it so I didn’t have the heart to chuck it. Anyway, the final set is in a T shirt I bought off eBay. The reason I picked this is cos it’s the tightest thing I own lol. The label says it’s a XXL but it certainly isn’t. It’s like a wetsuit! I may post some of the pics over the next few days but maybe I should wait until I’m done….. Hmmmmmm. As for the results, I hadn’t really studied my ‘before’ pics in any detail until this coming weekend and to be honest, I was quite shocked. I guess cos the loss has been so quick, I don’t really feel that different. I know I’ve lost a fair amount of weight cos I’m getting into clothes that I haven’t been able to for years but I still don’t feel that different in myself. I’m happy to report that the pics do tell a different story. The wife was the one who was shocked. She said she didn’t really see me as being that big before and that, cos she sees me everyday, the overall loss doesn’t have the impact. Anyway, after studying the pics she stated that she’d never let me get like that again. I’m grateful for that cos she’s going to have to be a bit of a food/drink policeman for me in the initial stages of the being back in the world of food.

 

Talking of food I have an eating date! I’ve always decided that I will eat around Christmas. Many lighterlifers start to relate this kind of decision to the ego states. People say ‘I’ve made an adult decision to eat’. My LLC has used this as an example of something that isn’t an adult decision at all as, if you’re on the programme; the adult decision is to abstain from food. I’m not sure if I agree with her or not but I can see where she’s coming from. Anyway, I’m not even going to attempt to relate my decision to an ego state. I should be the better part of 6 stone lighter come Christmas. I will have broken the back of it and am therefore having 2 meals. The reason I haven’t cheated I think is mostly based around the fact that I know the programme would be much harder if I picked. It would also last longer and cost me more. As I’m in two minds about whether or not to continue abstinence after Christmas anyway, I’m gonna have something. I’m quite apprehensive about it to be honest as it does feel like I’m cheating but I’m quite excited about it too. Anyway, the first meal is our team Christmas lunch at work on the 18^th of December. It’s an all afternoon/evening affair and we go to a really top drawer restaurant. The good thing about this place is that I can make sensible and effective food choices. Having done ketosis based dieting before, I know that some protein and green veg/salad won’t do me any harm. If I’m as disciplined as I want to be, I may not even come out of ketosis. Same goes from Christmas dinner. I won’t be chowing down on mince pies and cream but some turkey and limited veg will be absolutely fine. So, if after Christmas I choose to continue abstinence, I’m only going to do it for another 2 months maximum. I think that’s something I can achieve after eating again without much of a problem. Anyway, sorry of it sounds like I’m trying to justify anything. That’s not my intention. It’s a decision I’ve taken and am happy with. At the end of the day if I really wanted to dig my heals in, I could. I could just not go to the Christmas do and stay away from the food on Christmas day but I don’t WANT to do that. A big point of succeeding on the Lighterlife plan is to recognise that it’s your choice to do it. Therefore, it’s your choice not to.

 

G

The fool wanders, a wise man travels – Week 7 weigh in – Day 50

 

Week 7 weigh in results! I’ve lost another 4lbs which takes me to a total of 45lbs or 3stone 3lbs. Although 4lbs is my lowest loss so far in any one week, I can’t grumble. There’s no way I would have lost 4lbs in one week on a conventional diet especially after 7 weeks. I’m in line with targets and am pleased to report that I’ve officially past the 3 stone barrier this week. One more pound and I’ve lost 15% of my original body weight!  I really hope I can keep up the 4lb a week momentum until Christmas as that means I’ll hit the 6 stone landmark!

 

Anyway, the session was ok last night. We talked about ‘Man messages’ or where and how we’ve been influenced by men in our lives. I didn’t have your typical upbringing I suppose. My parents divorced when I was 10 and I haven’t seen my mum for nigh on 15 years. This naturally made me struggle with the mother influence part of the session. With that said, I was quite shocked by the father influence of some of the group. I guess it made me have even more respect for my dad. He always instilled a sense of responsibility and respect in me and my sister and (cos he worked) I’ve been looking after myself domestically (on the whole) for longer than I can remember. That’s not a criticism of him in any way, it’s just the way it was. After listening to some last night I realise I’m pretty grateful for the experience I had growing up. I work quite long hours myself but I still get my hands dirty at home. I do the weekly food shopping and cook the Sunday roast for example. I guess this is just the norm for me (and always has been) that I’m quite shocked when I hear first hand how the other half live. Oh well, horses for courses I suppose.

 

I’m facing a tough time when it comes to the lighterlife programme over the next few weeks. I’m away with work next week in Dublin (no Irish made Guinness for me *sob*) so I had to buy two weeks worth of packs last night. A staggering 56 food packs costing an equally staggering £132! Someone at the group told me to be prepared cos he really suffers if he misses a session. I’m hoping my resolve will get me through. I’m going away to a conference so it’s going to be a challenge. Really nice hotel and really nice food/drink. It’s not just that though. It’s the inevitable grilling I’m going to get from conference goers about why I’m not eating, the stress of taking my food packs through airport security, the list goes on and on. I just want to get it out the way to be honest. If I could get out of it, I would. It gets worse before it gets better. I’m back from Dublin for a week then I go away on another conference the week after! So I’m back to square one. The way I’m feeling now, Wednesday the 12^th of November (week 11 weigh in) can’t come soon enough!

 

Rant over…………for now.

 

I wonder what I’ll lose in these two weeks? I’m in my final week of foundation now so I’ll miss the photos and measurements next week. I’ll have them done in week nine. Gives me a few more days to lose some more weight. Every little helps!

 

G

The Wall – Day 47

 

You may remember many moons ago the reason I gave why I didn’t want to have bars for the first few weeks of the programme? If not, let me refresh your memory. It was mainly because I’d heard and read via a variety of sources of the dreaded ‘7 week wall’. Let me tell you, they were right. I think wall is putting it mildly cos boy oh boy have I struggled this week. I don’t really know why, it’s just been one of those weeks. I haven’t had any more temptation than normal, I haven’t had a bad week weight loss wise but I’m just really fed up with it. I was cynical at first thinking how could week 7 be any different to week 6? It certainly is though that’s for sure. Never fear! For there is light at the end of this tunnel. I’ve now well and truly broken the back of week 7 now as it’s Monday afternoon and I have my weigh in on Wednesday. I’m already feeling better. Last weekend was definitely the hardest so far but I got through it and I’ve still remained 100% abstinent since I started Lighterlife. I feel like that’s a decent achievement considering I’ve spend the last 4 days wanting to chuck the towel in all together. As I’ve said before, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger! (Will)power to the people! I’m certainly glad I’ve come through this latest test because I’m heading straight into some more over the next few weeks. I’ll be missing my week 8 weigh in as I’m travelling with work next week, then I’m back for week 9 and away again (with work) for week 10. These conferences seemed like a good idea at the time cos they’re an eating and drinking fest but they’re going to be a very different experience this year. I’m mostly hoping that I don’t have any travel problems when if comes to taking my packs on the plane. I travel light so they’ll be in my hand Luggage. I wonder if I should just buck the trend and check a bag in anyway but then there’s the possibility that they’ll lose it! I wonder if Lighterlife do an emergency FedEx service!? Avoiding the meals will be interesting but I’m hoping they’ll mainly be Buffett type affairs. I’ll be interested to see how I get on without the support of my Lighterlife group (and the official weight measurements) as I’m essentially only going to be there once between the 16^th October and the 11^th November. I’ll also miss having my end of foundation photos done next week too. Hmmm, guess they’ll just have to be taken in week 9.

 

Talking of photo’s……. I mentioned in one of my first posts before I started that the wife took some pics of me. I had a look at them for the first time yesterday and I can now see the difference that everyone has been mentioning. I don’t think it’s as dramatic as some people are saying but it’s certainly noticeable. You never know, after my work commitments are out of the way, I may even surprise you and post the before and afters. Maybe I should leave it until I’m really finished. Should make it more dramatic at least.  

 

I’m also pleased to report that the scales are still moving. For some reason I get no movement whatsoever between Thursday and Sunday but I’m currently showing a 3lb loss this week. With a bit of luck that may even be 4 or 5 by weigh in on Wednesday. If I can average between 4 & 5 pounds a week for the next few weeks I’ll be over the moon. It does seem though that you just never know until you step on those scales at weigh in. I’m happy with my morning weight too as it said 18st 5lbs this morning (from 21^st 6lbs 7 weeks ago). The good news about this weight is that my BMI is 34.9! Still obese but now closer to overweight and morbidly obese! Now I need to set the sights on 29.9! I’m also looking forward to my scales saying 17 stone something in the next week or two. It’s been quite some time since that last happened…….

 

Check back soon for weigh in results!

 

G

I think therefore I am – Week 6 weigh in – Day 43

 

Weigh in results time. I lost another 5.5lbs in week 6. That takes me to a total of 41lbs or 2 stone 13lbs. I just missed out on hitting the 3 stone but dammit, it’s close enough! My BMI has now dropped from a morbidly obese 41.4 to an obese 35.8. My status in that regard won’t change until I get under 30 (then I’ll be ‘overweight’ lol). I’m looking forward to being 34 something on the BMI scale. Should give me a boost to know that I’m closer to overweight than morbidly obese! I’m also looking forward to next week because another 5lb loss and I will hit 2 more targets. The first is a 3 stone loss (42lbs) and the second is to have lost 15% of my original body weight (46lbs). I shouldn’t get a head of myself (something I’m obviously guilty of) though. Lighterlife generally quote a 3 stone loss during foundation (8 weeks) and I’m there already. Two more weeks of foundation to go so I should it 3 and a half stone (8 more lbs).

 

The meeting last night was ok. We were working on things called thought logs but to be honest, it was a bit of a struggle. We didn’t really get it lol. All was ok by the end but I’m not sure I buy into some of it. Maybe I just need to digest it a bit. I’m not gonna go into it here cos It’s all a bit in depth. I’m sure it helps some people but I’m a pretty laid back individual. The example used in our work books was a traffic jam and as traffic doesn’t wind me up, I had trouble identifying. To be honest I don’t have many aggressive reactions to anything. I’m a lover not a fighter lol. We also talked about crooked thinking. We were using the programme as the example but to be honest, I’m in a happy place with it. I don’t ever think ‘I can’t have this’ and I don’t feel deprived. I know the end result is to come to the conclusion that you’re doing it by choice so you then feel less deprived. It reminds me a lot of the deductive reasoning that I studied as part of my philosophy A level. I don’t need to go through those motions because I recognise it as a choice right at the start. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy about that as I don’t think I could handle dealing with that kind of thinking all day every day. Although I do have the odd off day (see my last post) I’m pretty sure that most of my weight problem is practical rather than emotional. I got stuck in a rut and in some bad routines. Whist it’s still a vicious circle, I don’t think it was particularly emotionally driven. I’m not dismissing emotional aspects entirely (as I know worry makes me eat) but being on lighterlife has made me appreciate that a lot of my problems are educational and behavioural rather than emotional. Now this is where I start to contradict myself (more than I already have lol). I do still struggle. The desire to eat is still there but I do feel in control of it. I make a lot of food, I buy a lot of food and I watch a lot of food shows on TV. This leads me to believe that it’s not temptation that’s my problem. More a desire for variety and to explore food in a way that I never have before. I want to cook (properly) and try new things for example. Abstaining from food has made me appreciate it so much more. I’m looking forward to the clean slate when I start eating again. I think that feeling of a completely new beginning is something I’ve needed for a long time.       

 

Wow, I certainly have the ability to go off on one. Anyway, I also feel a bit more motivated because I now have arrangements for a ‘reveal’ (lol, sounds like extreme makeover. Not that I er….ever watch that sort of thing). I meet up around Christmas with a bunch of friends that I used to work with. We’re all doing different things now so we don’t see each other much at all. I certainly haven’t seen any of them since I started the die……programme. Anyway, the do is now set for 20th November. That’s the day after my 12^th week weigh in so I have another 6 weeks to go. I’ll be another couple of stone lighter by then if all goes well. I’m looking forward to seeing the reactions. Not because I’m seeking attention (if anything, I try to avoid attention wherever possible) but from a kind of practical joke point of view. Should be quite amusing…..  

 

G

The best thing since sliced bread – Day 40

 

Jeez I struggled this weekend. The weather didn’t help. Was raining ALL day on Sunday and it was perfect conditions to lay about on the sofa and comfort eat. Did the food shopping as usual on Saturday without any problems but, as soon as the fresh brown bread came out at home on Sunday, my cravings were in overdrive! Made the missus a cheese and pickle sandwich last night with said bread and it’s the closest I’ve ever come to just taking a bite of something. I really don’t know why. I think I’ve hit the 7 week wall a tad early lol. I also had a bar for lunch as we were out and about and I don’t think it satisfied me enough. I usually have my bar as a late night snack. The obvious question here is why make the sandwich? The answer is that I don’t want to remove myself from food completely. I know it’s weird that making and preparing food makes me feel better but it does. Also, eating is such a social thing, especially with the family so, at least if I prepare it, I’m still involved. I’ve been lucky enough that people eating food around me doesn’t really bother me but it did yesterday. We went out shopping and the kids had some chicken and chips from the food court and the wife had a jacket potato with cheese and beans. I’m not fan of jacket spud (or beans to be honest) but boy did it look good. Better than the peanut bar I was munching on anyway. Anyone seen star wars? There’s a bit in the second movie were Yoda turns up and gives Luke Skywalker grief about the dodgy food he’s eating. Looks exactly like my peanut bar. All I could hear when I was eating was Yoda ‘How you get so big eating food of this kind hmmmmm!?” Anyway, I digress…. Got through the weekend without cheating though and feel pretty good about it. Cravings seem to be gone now so it’s business as usual.

 

Scales are moving again. 18st 9lbs this morning. It’s pretty motivating to be in the single digits on the lbs front. A couple more off and it’s full steam ahead to the 17’s! 3 stone lost is my next big target but I still have a few lbs to go. I’d love to hit it in my week 6 weigh in (on Wednesday) but I think that’s too optimistic. I’ll get there when I get there I guess. With that said I can’t help but think about the future. 12 weigh ins left before crimbo. If I manage to average 4lbs a week between now and then it’s another 3 and a half stone off. The big picture goal has always been to lose 6 stone for Christmas so I’m on track! I’m not setting my heart on it though as I assume my losses will shrink as I do! I’ve certainly made some changes to my attitude of late as although what I’ve lost so far is a excellent achievement, I need to keep my feet on the ground. The reality check is that I’m 28, 6 feet tall and currently weigh over 18 and a half stone. I have a LONG way to go. I can’t afford to be looking to the horizon too much just yet. To be honest, I think that may be why I’m struggling. I think I’ve been starting to look how far I’ve come instead of how far I’ve got to go far too early. I’m not even half way yet.  I’ve made some progress clearing a path to my treadmill through all the stuff that litters my spare room but I haven’t got on it yet. I definitely plan on starting some sort of exercise routine in the next few weeks. I guess I’ve been reluctant to so far because my losses have been pretty consistent. I’d like to keep it in my back pocket for when my losses really start to drop off.

 

G

 

P.S. 2 days to weigh in! 

A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow – Week 5 weigh in – Day 36

 

The results are in. I lost 4.4lbs in week 5. That brings me to a total of 35lbs (2 and a half stone). I’m not over the moon but not disappointed either. After my mammoth 8.3lb loss last week a significant reduction was to be expected. With that said anything over 4lbs in one week is a great loss! The group was a bit flat this week as I don’t think anyone really wanted to be there. This time, I was one of them. The theme of the night was sabotage. We were supposed to try and think of times where we’ve sabotaged ourselves when it comes to reaching a goal. The intention was for this to be done in pairs but we weren’t having any of it so it ended up being a group discussion. I’m not a fan of working in pairs to be honest. I find I get much more out of it if the whole group is involved. We were cooking on gas by the end though and actually went over time. My LLC seems to have a knack of getting us going. I guess it’s cos she never gives up!

 

My food order was pretty uninspiring this week too. I’ve cut out the chicken soup so I’m mainly on Mushroom and Veg at the mo. I’m also really into the chocolate and vanilla shakes too. Those 4 flavours are dominating my food packs but there are the odd Banana, strawberry and Thai chilli making an appearance. I’ve still managed to limit my bars to 3 week. I’m trying to get to the 7 week wall and then I might need to go for a bar a day. I’m going away with work in October and November though so I think more bars are going to be a must anyway. I gotta be honest, I quite enjoy my lemon bar on the drive home from my meeting. Gives me something to look forward to. lol, how sad is that!

 

On the goals front I’ve decided to modify them and also add a few. I feel I’m much more motivated when I have something to strive for and for me, the more the better. I remember in one of my first posts that I didn’t want to put pressure on myself by applying time limits to the goals but I slipped on that front. I was hoping to reach 3 stone next week (week 6) but as that seems unlikely, I’ve decided time related goals are a no no. Therefore, I’ve scrapped the time targets and I’ll get there when I get there! My goals have mainly been focused around either reaching a certain weight loss or BMI but I’ve added some percentage ones in too now. Goals I’ve completed so far are….

 

·         BMI less than 40 (Makes me obese instead of morbidly obese)

·         2 Stone lost

·         I’ve now lost 10% of my body weight

 

My next 3 targets continue in a similar fashion…

 

• 3 stone lost
• 15% of original body weight
• BMI of less than 35 (this still makes me obese but closer to overweight than morbidly obese)

 

It would be great to hit those during foundation but I’m not going to put undue pressure on myself now. I’ve also decided to take on another challenge. This is going to sound pathetic but it really is a challenge for me. I’m going to stay off the scales at home. I still want to consider my morning weight as my true weight but I’m going to try to only weigh myself the morning of weigh in (Wednesday). I wonder if I can do it. May have to get the missus to hide the scales!

 

I’m also considering some sort of exercise. I dug the Wii Fit out a couple of nights ago and it was very satisfying for that annoying board on the screen to say something positive. It still had time to criticise my posture though! I also have a pretty decent treadmill in the spare room that I want to get back on. Nothing too heavy, just some walking to burn off some extra calories. I’ll be interested to see how different it feels on it (being 35lbs lighter). Some people have mentioned that exercising can slow weight loss. That’s the last thing I want but I think the concern is water retention due to slight dehydration. I drink more than enough water though so I can’t see it making that much difference. I think I’m going to make this change cos I’m feeling pretty restless at the mo. I think I just need to get moving! Being on such a low calorie diet enables me to just flop on the sofa when I get home and not feel bad about it but I think it’s time to kick this lifestyle change into high gear!

 

G

 

P.S. I went for lunch with an old colleague today and saw another on the way. They both noticed the difference which always helps.

The Chicken, the Witch, and the Wardrobe – Day 34

 

Ello. Time for a much needed update. The theme this week is ‘ticking over’. I have some good news this morning as I now weigh 19 stone dead on my scales first thing in the morning. One more pound to go and I’m into 18 stone territory (somewhere I haven’t been for over 4 years). I’m also pleased to say that after my more than expected loss of 8lbs last week, the suit trousers are no longer tight. Such a good thing for so many reasons! I’ve also updated and added to my goals to reflect my current progress. I’ve set myself some tough ones initially. At last weeks weigh in I was 11lbs off a 3 stone loss. I was originally aiming for 3 stone in 8 weeks (what Lighterlife quote as an average foundation loss) but I’ve now bumped that down to 6 weeks. 11lbs in two weeks is a big ask but certainly doable given my recent losses. Anything over 5lbs at my weigh in tomorrow and I’m on track to hit it. This gets me thinking about another reality I’m going to have to face soon. The little/no loss week. I’ve had such good losses in my first 4 weeks; it’s almost inevitable that I will hit a wall. It may well be my body catching up on itself but I would image having to deal with a weigh in where you lose hardly anything must be difficult to deal with. I guess that’s when I’ll start blogging a little bit more!

 

The wardrobe also got a much needed sort out this week. I had a couple of pairs or jeans that just fell down when I did them up so they went. Actually while I’m on this subject. Was standing in the kitchen talking to the wife yesterday and my shorts fell down! My in laws were just due to arrive! Jeez, that wouldn’t have been a pretty sight for them. It’s time to start wearing the belts me thinks. I don’t like to wear them cos after 4 or 5 litres of water I bloat out quite a bit by the end of the day and wish I hadn’t put it on. I guess it something I’m just gonna have to live with or some serious embarrassment is going to come my way. I can’t buy new clothes yet. I have too far to go! Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, the wardrobe clear out. I’m sure every overweight person has their own version of these sort of clothes. I call them my ‘faithfuls’. Various T shirts, shorts, shirts that are absolutely huge and I know will fit me. The result is that I live and die in them. Well, not anymore. It’s only when I went to sort the stuff out that I realised just how knackered they all were. Anyway, they’re gone now and I think the missus wanted to throw a party. I’ll let you in on a little secret though. I’ve kept my favourite shorts… Shhhhh, don’t tell anyone! I’m still wearing plenty of clothes that are too big but it’s decent stuff I bought for my holiday earlier this year. I can’t get rid of them just yet ass they’re too good to lob. Went though all my shirts/t shirts and was surprised to see plenty of stuff with the tags still on. Looks like I’d planed to ‘slim into’ a lot more stuff than I thought! I’m glad I had this sort out when I did though cos I found a couple of really nice shirts that fit me now which would have completely passed me by in a few weeks time. So after I’d filled the black sack with old stuff that was either too big or I didn’t like anymore I’m left with a neat wardrobe of stuff that fits me, nearly fits me and doesn’t fit me. I’m looking forward to shedding another stone or so then my work wardrobe will really open up. I have quite a few shirts that are a little snug and I’m desperate for new ones (my ‘faithfuls’ are a bit tatty lol) but I refuse to spend any cash while I have these others waiting in the wings. So my wardrobe now goes from one extreme to the other. At the one end is the work suit that I was wearing when I started. It’s a 50” chest jacket and 46” waist trousers. I’m going to keep that as a kid of time capsule. I always want it as a reminder of how far I’ve come and what could come to pass if I slip back to my old ways. Also, they will make good before and after pics! At the other end is my party out fit or my ‘goal’ outfit. It’s a pair of jeans and a shirt that I wore for my father in laws 50^th birthday party (over 6 years ago) and I remember feeling pretty good on that night. I tried to get it on for a very funny before picture but it was just a no go lol. While all this was going on the wife asked me a question which I’ve been thinking about ever since. ‘Are you sure you want to throw all this stuff out?’ In other words, ‘What are you going to wear when you get fat again?’ Now don’t get me wrong, I know she wasn’t being intentionally nasty. She’s just speaking from experience when I’ve lost weight before. As fed up as I was at the time, the question has actually helped me no end. I was feeling very unmotivated at the time and now my resolve has never been stronger! Yes, I do want to get rid of it. I will never be as big as I was ever again! At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

 

Well done for getting through all that! Right, diet…..sorry, Programme. All is going ok but I must be honest. I’m sick of soup. I don’t mind the shakes as I don’t make them with much water as I have em first thing in the morning or last thing at night. Normally I want to get out the door or get to bed. On the soup front, chicken is biting the dust this week. I just cant stomach it anymore. I guess it’s true what they say that your tastes change on lighterlife cos I remember chicken being my favourite at the start. Anyway, next week will mainly consist of veg and mushroom soups with a couple of Thai chilli thrown in for variety (variety?! lol!). The chilli soup isn’t my favourite but it’s not getting on my nerves enough to cut it out yet. Some people have suggested making ‘crisps’ out of the soups (there are plenty of LL ‘recipes’ out there) but I’m not a fan of it personally. I know they will be a disaster and it’s not really abstaining from food in my opinion. If that helps others to get through the programme then fair enough but If I have Thai chill crisps I’ll be one step away from a packet of Doritos. I do still want food but I feel much more in control of it now. I still haven’t cheated once and have passed a few challenges. I’ve cooked a few roast dinners and even been to a pub so I know I’ve cracked the temptation side of things now. I’m also really getting in to food shows on TV. I watched this thing about all different types of pies the other night. My mouth was watering and I was really interested in how to make that kind of stuff. Although I’m only 5 weeks in, I think I already have more of an appreciation for food. I can feel my attitudes changing already and my craving for junk and even beer have been replaced by good, home cooked stuff. Seems the LL counselling is working! Sheesh, I didn’t see that coming!

 

G

 

P.S. Weigh in tomorrow night! Check back for the results!      

30 something – Week 4 weigh in – Day 29

 

Drum roll please!……………………….. I lost 8lbs in week 4! Almost double what I expected. That takes me to 31lbs or 2st 3lbs in 4 weeks! So from my starting weight of 21^st 11lbs, I’m now 19st 8lbs! Very pleased with that but I need to push on. Another 11lbs in the next two weeks and I’ll hit 3 stone in week 6. Here’s hoping!

 

This is just a quick post today as I’m a busy bee. The counselling was ok last night but we only got about half an hour as there were some new people being photographed/measured, some week 4 being measured/sorting out BP (I haven’t worked out my measurements in inches lost yet so I’ll be posting that soon) and some week 8 who were being photographed etc. Although the counselling was a bit of a flop, it was good to see the group and just have a chat. I find it gives me a bit of motivation for the coming week. I know I’ve had very good losses so far so I can’t grumble but, a bigger than normal loss is exactly what I needed this week. I’m now going into week 5 with a renewed sense of determination and, dare I say it, a slight spring in my step!

 

I’ll be posting a longer entry about how I’m getting on very soon.

 

If anyone’s reading this and struggling. Just keep going! You can do it!

 

G

 

P.S. Thanks for all the comments! They really help keep me going

Desperate times call for desperate measures – Day 28

 

Blood pressure update. I’ve bought a pretty decent monitor and have cut out the extra salt and Tabasco sauce in my soups and I’m pleased to report that pretty much every reading I’ve taken since last week has been in the normal range. I’m sure some of the reason behind my high reading at the chemist last week was d