Hi all. Well I started to write a review of the blog so far and the Highs and lows I’ve experienced along the way during my Lighterlife journey but I’ve now decided against doing it in the way I originally wanted to. There’s just far too much content that the post would be a monster! Anyway, What I have done as part of the process is read this blog from the start again. Over 50 posts and nearly 50,000 words! So get comfortable and let me tell you a story. A story about change, about challenges and most of all, about how I’m feeling right now. Over 7 and a half stone lighter and a million times happier……………
Some of the early posts shocked me a fair bit. Especially the one about the food I was planning to eat on my final week blowout before starting. It really hit home what a fat slob I actually was and how much denial I was in. I’m ashamed of it. I said that I was at the time but I am even more so now. Unfortunately I’ve always been one of those people who thinks they are smaller than they actually are but my before pics really brought me down to earth. I’d been considering Lighterlife for a few months before I actually took the plunge mainly cos I have an obsessive need to research everything and, what with the meeting new people, GP and the cost, I was putting it off. I think I’ve mentioned before about the awful morning when I stood on my scales and they wouldn’t give me a reading (they go up to 22 stone). That’s the day I decided to change my life and start the plan. It’s a great feeling to know the exact time and place that you decide something like that. I still can’t quite believe I’m sitting here typing this being right on the verge of 13 stone something!
One theme that came through though during my reading of this blog (So far! It’s not going anywhere!) is that I’ve learned a lot about myself on the way. I was a big time drinker and now if I’m honest, it doesn’t bother me at all. There was even some suggestion that I liked it a little too much but I don’t think there was a ‘problem’ there at all. I think I was just in an unhappy spiral with my weight and everything else that a few beers made me feel better. I still maintain though that the easiest way to give up drinking is to give up eating!! I’ve learned that major eating triggers for me are worry, stress and boredom. I know that’s far from a unique list but the fact of the matter is that I’ve been stressed, worried and bored at various points throughout this diet and I haven’t lapsed. It proves that it can be done! I’ve also learned that people (ie me) really do have the capacity to do things they never thought possible. I have found this willpower from somewhere and it’s not something I’m going to give up lightly. I’ve also learned how good ‘doing’ feels. I certainly talk a good talk when it comes to making changes etc but I was all mouth and no action. It’s something that’s blindingly obvious to me now but wasn’t at the time.
So, let’s step it up a gear. What’s changed? What kind of things can I do now that couldn’t do before? Well I have a new found confidence. Anyone who knows me probably wouldn’t put the word ‘shy’ in a list of things to describe my character but I am. I have never been keen on meeting new people for example and I would always hold back from saying what I wanted to say. Believe me when I say I never related these sorts of things to my weight and my appearance but I do now. When I meet new people now I don’t think that they’re looking at me funny etc. It’s quite amusing actually. We have a new bloke starting on our team next week that I’ve never met and the thought of meeting someone who’s only ever known me at 14 stone blows my mind! I do tend to speak up more now too. I guess I always thought that if I said something someone disagreed with they’d be saying in their head, ‘well, don’t listed to him, he’s fat anyway’. I know that’s probably way off the mark but that’s how I felt! So how about the practical things? I ran for the train last night and it didn’t take me until half the way home to recover. On the public transport front I do fit in plane/Train/Bus seats a lot better than before. With that said though, one thing that hasn’t changed it my height. I’m sure they design these seats for short people. They think they’re doing themselves a favour by cramming 6 seats into an area but in reality, only 4 people sit there cos the seats are too small/cramped! I’m firmly of the opinion that less is more but anyway, I digress…. Hmmm, what else? Let’s not forget the bedroom. I won’t go into too much detail on that front but it’s soooooooo much better for all involved (at least that’s what she tells me lol). I guess a lot of this kind of stuff relates to the whole ‘head catching up with your body’ issue. I never used to put much stock in it but I do now! I remember a few posts ago wondering if a ladder would take my weight. I also nearly killed myself getting the Christmas decs out of the loft cos I don’t have the strength/counter weight that I used to have. Ho hum, I guess it’s gonna take some time. Another positive is that I find myself actually looking forward to the summer. As a big bloke I used to hate hot weather but I could really do with some now. It means I’m actually looking forward to our summer (well, May) holiday to turkey with the family. Something I can also entertain on holiday is swimming. I’ve never been a fan of the whole ‘shirts off’ look on hols anyway but there’s no way you would have caught me dead with my moobs out in public! Something I don’t tell people though is that I love swimming. Always have but I haven’t done it for years. This leads to something else I’m truly ashamed of. My kids have never been swimming! One’s 3 and a half and the other is 18 months. It’s something I’m determined to resolve BEFORE we go on holiday. I’m gonna get down the pool with them as soon as we have a freeish weekend. Another big plus of course is clothes. One of my big goals throughout all this has been to be able to buy off the rack but I never thought I’d get to where I am now. I can now actually go into any shop and buy something. It’s such a great feeling. I guess the downside is that I’m now a pretty popular size so quite often, they don’t have it! It’s something I’m willing to accept though lol.
I’ve also come through some big challenges during my time on abstinence. There was the big family party on day 3 when I was going through the worst of the withdrawal symptoms. I had two work conferences in Dublin and Brighton in the space of a month along with being ill, loads of work do’s and, lets not forget, the mother of all food and drink related challenges, Christmas. I’m so happy to be able to stand here with a clear conscience and say I succeeded in all those challenges without lapsing. I never thought I would. I’ve come so close on so many occasions but came back from the brink just in time. I really don’t know if I’d have the strength to get back on plan after a lapse so I have nothing but respect for the people that do manage to do that. I’d even planned to eat at Christmas until about 3 weeks before the event. I’d always planned it that way since before I started the programme but, one thing led to another and I powered through. It was hard. The hardest of all the challenges I’ve faced in fact but it was definitely worth it. I needed to succeed in this one last big challenge (especially this close to goal) in order to convince myself that I have changed for the better and for good. Let’s not forget too that if any event has the ability to derail something like Lighterlife big time then Christmas is it!
As you may have gathered, being in my last week of abstinence has made me somewhat nostalgic. It’s not that I’ll miss it but the enthusiasm of the new January starters on the message boards is infectious. It’s all so exciting at first when you have that great feeling of finally DOING something about what’s been dominating your life for years. I hope they all succeed I really do. Talking of succeeding I’ve had quite a few people ask me what my secret is. Well, there isn’t one. Any long time reader will know that all I’ve done is followed the plan. That’s it. Just follow the plan to the letter and you WILL lose significant weight. How you go about achieving that is up to you but extreme willpower, determination and as many goals as you can think of is a fantastic place to start in my opinion.
With all that said, I’m far from at the end. I’m merely at a crossroad. I’ve got one final week of abstinence to get through and, as I’ve said for quite a while, the hard part is coming. Reintroducing food and educating myself in the ways of a healthy diet are going to probably be the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I’m not underestimating the challenge. Maybe Christmas isn’t the mother of all food related challenges after all……
G
My god I’ve just read all that back. Well done for getting through it. Sorry if some of it sounds a bit preachy, it’s not intentional.
