Trust issues – RTM week 7 weigh in – Day 189

 

It happened. The weight I ‘gained’ is off again lol. I have my RTM week 7 weigh in tonight but I’m not really focusing on that right now as much as my morning ‘true weight’ which currently stands at 13 stone and 1lb which is a total loss of 120lbs or 8 stone 8lbs in just 27 weeks. As regular readers will know I’ve been having a bit of a battle with Glycogen stores. I really don’t know what my glycogen weighs but this week it’s time for an experiment. I hit the treadmill last night and am in quite a lot of pain this morning. I don’t know if it’s a pulled muscle or if there’s something more sinister at work but my right leg isn’t working very well. As a result I’m going to have to give the treadmill la bit of a rest. So, as my calorie levels were around 1830 net of exercise in week 7 I’m going to aim for the same again without exercising in week 8. So this means I’m looking to hit 2000 calories a day with no exercise. Eeeeeek! As this is the same as my intake over the last week (the only difference being not burning 1500 calories on the treadmill) in theory the only weight I should put on is glycogen. As a result I think I may finally be in a position to know what I actually weigh this time next week. I just hope my leg recovers and it’s just some sort of strain or something. As weird as this sounds I think I’m going to miss the running. I felt my leg getting worse over the last few days but tried to power though but it’s no good. I HAVE to give it a rest. This is one of the things I really wanted to avoid. I didn’t want to get out of the routine of regular exercise due to a fear of getting back into it. With that said though, like everything else post lighterlife, I’m just so much more aware of these issues now that they don’t pose a problem.

 

Another interesting development was last Saturday. I went to the party and was pretty much faced with my biggest problem pre lighterlife. Loads of beer and a table full of party food. I was always one of those people that would get totally pissed and graze on the food all night. Well, I sort of did that again to be honest. It wasn’t a big drama as I’d factored in a pretty big buffer zone in the calorie allowance for Saturday night and it all shook out on the scales in the end but, it was another stark reminder to always be on my guard. I don’t want to describe it as a night off but I guess that’s kinda what it was. I knew I was drinking and eating a bit too much but decided to live with the consequences. To be honest, there wasn’t any. All I did was go out on a Saturday night and have a good time. The difference now and pre lighterlife is that I hadn’t had loads of beers/take aways in the week too. I’d been eating well all week so an exception is not the end of the world now. As long as that’s all it is. You will remember me banging on throughout this blog about one of my biggest behavioural problems pre diet was having the exception and the rule the wrong way around. I think I’ve cracked this now.

 

Something else I’m pushing myself to do is trust me a little bit more. I pretty much flew completely solo this weekend without the ever present spreadsheet governing my intake. I’m still keeping a food diary but I’m trying to not be so dependent on it now. Writing everything down is definitely a good idea though and I’m still doing that. As I was watching super size vs super skinny the other night I think it’s very easy to see where the extra calories can come from. One of the highest calorie things I eat now is my portion of whole wheat pasta at 269 calories a pop. It’s more than enough for me and I feel satisfied after eating it but it’s less than half of the white refined pasta I used to have with spaghetti bolognaise for example. It really does all add up and you need to watch it like a hawk. Everything in moderation at the end of the day. Now with that said I have another do on Saturday to prepare for. We have friends coming over so we’ll be eating, drinking and being merry but don’t you worry, I’ll be back on the porridge and salads come Sunday you can be sure of that!

 

I’ve also had a few down moments in the last week or so. Sometimes I feel a little bit like it’s slipping away from me. The odd few grapes here, a couple of crisps there, 1 more beer than planned etc. I wonder if I’m being too hard on myself and generally a little paranoid. I’ve found myself constantly thinking about food and calories in, calories out, calories burned etc so much that it’s rather dominating my character. It’s almost a little bit like it’s too good to be true. Can I really be one of those people that have a balanced healthy diet without thinking about it? Maybe, but not yet. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing something wrong but the scales stay the same. Surely I’m eating too much, I shouldn’t be enjoying myself with food and drink on a Saturday night etc. then I think to myself that these are all the sorts of things that ‘normal’ people do and to not worry about it.

 

I don’t know, it’s all very confusing at this point. ‘Feeling your own way’ sometimes feels like trying to see in the dark.

 

God how depressing was THAT! Never fear my friends, my resolve has never been stronger! I need to keep the faith in myself and my choices. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

 

G