The end of the beginning – RTM week 12 weigh in – Day 224

 

“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” – Winston Churchill, 1942

 

The above quote still sends shivers down my spine. I always look to Winston for advice as there are so many absolute gems but I haven’t needed to in a while. I kicked off today with the quote because I think it’s pretty apt at this point in time. As today is my final day on the lighterlife diet it’s very easy to look at things with a sense of finality. The reality of course, is the opposite. Now is where the journey really begins but I’ll get back to that later……

 

So, this is it, final ‘official’ weigh in of lighterlife and I’m 13 stone 2lbs. 1 lb lighter than last week but to be honest, I’m more in a ‘range’ mentality now. I’m still in the zone so I’m happy. Anyway, my current weight is BMI 25 and whilst I’ve been as high as 13 7 in the last couple of weeks, I always seem to end up back around this point. I guess I should give a bit of a recap/stat attack for any newbies reading this. I started the lighterlife diet on the 27^th of August 2008 at a staggering 21 stone and 11lbs (BMI 41.5). After 20 weeks of full abstinence on the plan, I’d shed about 8 stone. I started the route to management phase in January (12 weeks reintroducing food) and lost a further 11lbs or so…. Anyway, the upshot is about 120lbs lost in 32 weeks. I guess that’s a little misleading cos I’m counting the management weeks.  It’s pretty mad when you see those numbers. I mean, 120lbs! Jeez, that’s a whole (small) person! To be honest, I think I’m still a little bit in denial about the whole thing. I said many moons ago that this plan felt different to all the diets I’d tried in the past. Something changed within me to stick this one out. I don’t know if it was the counselling, the quick results, the support of the group and online community or any number of other factors that has made this experience such a success. I say that word, success, quite often but I do wonder sometimes about how you judge success. I’ve been thinking obviously now about what long term success looks like. At what point do I stop being a fat person who is now slim and become a slim person who used to be fat? I guess that’s just semantics at the end of the day but I think my long term goal is to be in the same time zone (weight wise) as I am now in 1 year. If I can sit here at anything under 13 and a half stone next April I will be happy as a pig in shit.

 

Ok, a quick word of warning before I go on, this could be a long rambling post so stop operating heavy machinery. If you need to have a pee or make a cup of tea (hey, that rhymes!) do it now. Ok, are we back? Marv, let’s continue…….

 

Before I forget I have some other funny numbers to share. Today I will be having my last ever Lighterlife foodpack and I guess you all know what it is? Yep, a peanut bar. I’m actually going to miss them I think. Anyway, if you can believe this , my peanut bar today is actually my 1,050^th foodpack! Wow. I’ve spent and equally staggering £1,683 which means every pound of weight I’ve lost has cost me about £14! About £200 per stone. That’s a lot of money but I have to say, worth every penny! I will have some measurement numbers and new pics soon but they’ll be happening later today so I’ll save them for the next post.

 

I’ve also been reflecting quite a lot about change recently. It’s a funny old thing. I do wonder to what extent the American election had an affect on my success. You couldn’t go 5 minutes without seeing Obama talking about positive change and “yes we can”, it was like motivation on tap to me. Obviously completely different situations but the underlying message was the same. It makes me wonder about the here and now. Why was this one different and, the constant question, why didn’t a do this years ago? Well firstly, I probably wouldn’t have been able to afford it. Secondly, I would have been in my early twenties and much more interested in getting drunk with my mates and thirdly, I don’t think I ‘wanted’ it enough. A big part of my job revolves around process and change management (in a business sense) and I find one of the key elements for success is the ‘want factor’. I’ve worked in both environments and the people that want and embrace the change are people who succeed. I guess it’s pretty obvious really. It goes back to what I was saying about choice on Lighterlife. You’re choosing not to eat and having a ‘can’t have’ mentality makes the whole thing that much harder. It just goes to show that if you really want something you can get it. At the end of the day, I can’t have wanted it enough before. I’m the perfect example of ‘if I can do it, anyone can’. If you can’t lose weight or stick to the programme, you don’t want it enough in my view. That’s not necessarily a criticism of anyone. Everyone has different issues. I think it’s more a case of timing is everything. I think I’d just hit rock bottom when it came to my weight. It was affecting relationships and my general physical wellbeing. It was very much a case of ‘enough is enough’. Talking of relationships, that’s another facet of change that I haven’t talked much about. My main relationship is obviously with my wife. It’s not that we were having significant problems before or anything. We’ve been together for a long time but only now I’ve shed the pounds have a realised how much of a negative affect my weight was having on us. I think the fact that the wife has lost a stone (a fantastic effort considering she only weighed 10 stone 6 when she started) has made us happier and brought us closer together. We obviously still have our lumps and bumps but it’s more something we laugh about instead of having deep rooted unspoken issues. I haven’t really talked about sex much either. I’m certainly not a prude or anything, it’s just not something I air for public consumption. What I will say is that it’s so much better that I’m still surprised. I mean, it was obviously going to be a lot better anyway even if you just look at it from a physical/practical point of view but even emotionally, in terms of desire, drive etc, it’s all improved. It’s almost like, at 28, I feel more like someone in my twenties than I did at 21. Anyway, that’s quite enough of that talk…….

 

It’s strange that only after 32 weeks am I really getting used to my new body. I sit in the middle seat on trains now for example. Any overweight commuter will tell you that’s simply a no go area. That’s more of a practical example of how I’m adapting though. My reaction to compliments etc still needs some work. I find it very interesting that when I was on the abstinence part of the plan I was very comfortable talking to people about it. When I used to see people I hadn’t seen in a while, I used to enjoy their reactions. Now it seems, not so much. I’m a bit of a blusher. I’m not keen on being the centre of attention so when I am, I get a little uncomfortable. I STILL see people now who I haven’t seen since I started but I tend of try and avoid them. How weird is that? It’s nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. I think I liked to hide behind the weight a little, even on abstinence. I found it very easy to say something along the lines of ‘yeah, I’m still classed as overweight’ or, ‘I’ve got a way to go yet’. Now I can’t say any of those things. God, I know it sounds like I’m whinging here. That’s not how I mean it. I suppose I feel a little under scrutiny now. People comment on what I’m eating etc and I do still get funny looks from co workers that I don’t know who I’m sure think I’m suffering from some sort of degenerative disease or something. I’m also meeting people who have never seen/known me as overweight. That concept just freaks me out. You know the strange thing though? I tend to bring it up. How f’d up is all this? I say I don’t like drawing attention to it then bring up the subject with people who are none the wiser! I also find that other people tend to bring it up to. I know it’s probably a sense of pride that leads me (and others) to bring it up. I guess I don’t feel so bad about it if it’s people I didn’t know before. I don’t know why. Jeez, I sound like a right fruit loop don’t I? I’m slim now but at what cost?! lol. I suppose I just need more time to adjust at the end of the day. Six months is nothing and just last September I was a 22 stone tub of lard with no way out. Pretty dramatic stuff.

 

Well, I’m going off on all sorts of angles in this post. So, have I changed character wise? I guess so but not dramatically. It’s a similar thing to ‘money can’t buy you happiness’. Losing weight can’t either. All the things that bugged me before still bug me now but a lot of things are much easier. I am happier in general now and I guess I feel like a very large weight has been lifted (no pun intended). I don’t think I’ve developed a vain streak and I don’t think my attitude towards anything has changed particularly apart from food. Ahhhh yes, the F word. I think I can confidently sit here and type that I’ve made the lifestyle change. I eat a varied low fat balanced diet and exercise regularly. That’s holy grail at the end of the day. I do have ‘days off’ and I enjoy them but I reel it back in afterwards. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s been harder to bring it back at some points. Sometimes I think that getting back on track is getting harder as the time passes. The beer and food monster is still there, that much I know for sure. I have the ability to inhale calories in a flash. Most of the time I win the battle and some of the time I don’t. I think I’m winning the war though. With that, I’ve come full circle. Will I ever be a slim person with distant memories of being fat? Only time will tell…..

 

G

 

P.S. The blog is far from done. There’ll be plenty more updates to come. I’ll have some new pics and measurements tonight and I’ll be posting them soon! Oh and keep the comments coming. Loving em.